Title: Chickens
Author: Secret Art
E-mail: [email protected]
Date: 12th March 2005
Category: humour, romance
Pairings: implied Sam/Jack
Spoilers: none
Summary: SG-1 visit chickens
Feedback: can only make me better
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.
Author’s note: And the silly just keeps on coming.
"So which exciting people are we meeting this week?" Jack asked as they exited into yet another nice green woodland planet.
"Chickens."
"Daniel I know you are hungry but can you not think about your stomach for a few seconds."
"He means that we’re meeting chickens Sir."
"Seriously?"
"Indeed."
Jack sighed. "So much for my chicken sandwich lunch," he had made it all by himself as well.
They walked down the well-worn path into a village, well if it could be called that, all the houses resembled large barns and there was a market taking place in the centre of the large square.
"The chickens are wearing clothes." Daniel pointed out in case anyone hadn’t been looking, which was none of them, but he did it anyway as it was expected.
"Aren’t they just the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen," Sam gushed, wandering over to one of the clothes stalls.
Jack grinned, "We found something to keep her occupied."
"Thankfully, I didn’t want to have to be the one to tell her that there was no technology." Daniel admitted sheepishly.
The three men we suddenly surrounded by chickens, female ones judging from the skirts they were all wearing, clucking and batting their eyelashes…well they would be if they had any.
"Hello gorgeous," One of them shouted, pushing her way to the front. She grabbed Daniel’s jacket in her beak and pulled, dragging him out of the crowd with her.
"Think he’ll be ok T?" Jack asked, watching them disappear out of view.
"Daniel Jackson has, as you put it, nine lives, he will no doubt survive this as with all others."
"I thought so," Jack tried not to sound disappointed but just once he’d like to find something that could kill Daniel and keep him dead, not that he wanted him dead, but it would still be useful to know.
He stared at the crowd in front of them, one of the chickens grabbing his attention. "Reminds me of my mother."
"You can call me mom whenever you want" she replied with a grin, pulling him into a hug with her wings. "What’s your name son?"
"Jack" he mumbled into her feathers, glad he wasn’t allergic to them.
"Well Jack, I have just the job for you to do, after all a mother needs all the help she can get from her kids when her egghead husband is away from the nest," she clucked in disapproval. "Come on darling." She guided him away from the crowd with her wing.
"T, go make sure Sam and Daniel are ok, I’ll be back soon."
Teal’c raised his eyebrow, wishing he had brought his zat, or any weapon for that matter, he didn’t even like chicken and he was surrounded by it.
"He looks very strong."
"Maybe he can fight foxes?"
"He couldn’t be that good."
"How do you know?"
One of the chickens stepped forward. "Excuse me, but you wouldn’t happen to be able to fight foxes would you?"
Teal’c pondered the question, remembering the images of foxes he had seen on the television, they hadn’t appeared to be too ferocious. "I believe I may be able to."
They all cheered before slowly moving off back into the market until Teal’c was completely alone.
He turned his head, trying to listen out for these foxes they had mentioned, but saw nothing but chicken.
Catching a glimpse of blonde hair he quickly moved towards it, hoping that it was Major Carter, which considering that chickens don’t have hair was very likely.
He found her deep in concentration staring at a stall selling chocolate eggs. "Major Carter?"
"Not now Teal’c, have to buy eggs, such wonderful things, just think how happy Cassie will be, and the base, no more cheap Easter eggs ever again. We can have real chocolate eggs, they’re so nice Teal’c, you should try them."
He nodded, turning to the chicken owner who blushed slightly. "I may have fed her one too many tasters."
Teal’c resisted the urge to roll his eyes, knowing that there were some Tau’ri habits he did not wish to partake in and instead turned back to Sam.
"We must leave MajorCarter, O’Neill is in trouble."
She turned her head, smiling at him, "I like Jack."
"Indeed."
She quickly paid the owner, picking up two bags, and tilting her head to indicate that Teal’c should pick up the other five.
He complied, keeping close to her as they walked through the crowd, angling her away from any of the clothes stalls, finding the lime green feather hat she was wearing disturbing enough.
Turning a corner they bumped into a couple, one of whom being Daniel.
"Daniel!" Sam shouted, grinning at her friend.
"Hey Sam, Teal’c, I’d like to introduce you to my wife Chicky."
"Daniel Jackson we require your help, O’Neill has been kidnapped."
He nodded, turning to his pouting wife. "I’m sorry baby but I have to go, I promise I’ll be back soon>"
"I hope so." She affectionately nipped his ear, causing him to wince as she accidentally drew blood.
Leaving her behind the three of them set off again, heading towards the barn Teal’c had seen Jack being dragged into.
Teal’c dropped his bags as they reached the door, needing his arms to be free in case he had to fight.
"Teal’c, be careful with them, if any of them are broken you are buying more."
"What are they?" Daniel asked, trying to peak into one of the bags before Sam pushed him away. "Easter eggs for everyone, and it’s the best chocolate ever. I got you a coffee flavoured one."
Daniel momentarily descended into a pile of drool before shaking himself back together. "If mine is broken can I have it anyway…and the complete one too."
Sam nodded, leaning in towards him as Teal’c opened the door. "You won’t get any if you stay with Chicky."
Daniel stared at her in horror as she followed Teal’c into the barn before running to catch up with them.
They all gasped as they entered, finding Jack perched upon a nest full of eggs, his arm curled over his head as he snored contentedly.
"Jack!" Sam shouted, rushing over to him as he woke up. "Are you ok?"
"Major?" He asked, rubbing his eyes to remove any remaining traces of sleep. "I was taking a nap!"
"Naptime has ended O’Neill, I have found Major Carter and Daniel Jackson as you requested."
"Good." He stretched, climbing off the eggs, "Mother Hen wanted me to watch her eggs as she went shopping, said I had to keep them warm."
They all nodded in understanding, Sam moving over to hug him. "I’m so glad you are ok Sir."
"Carter? What’s up with you."
"Chicken chocolate eggs," Daniel explained, moving to study the eggs.
Jack smiled, hugging Sam back, knowing that she would kill him as soon as she came down from his sugar high. "I’m glad you are ok too Carter."
He eventually pushed her away, "I think it may be time to leave."
He heard murmurs of agreement from them all so strolled out of the barn, the others following, all chattering excitedly about what fun they had.
And they all lived happily ever after, even Daniel, who got killed (again) for making omelettes out of Mother Hen’s eggs, but was resuscitated by a few well placed kisses off Chicky.
The End