This list was compiled over a few weeks in the summer of 2005 by the women on the The Knot's Second Weddings Board. They are things that it's NORMAL to think/feel/hear as a soon-to-be step-parent. Read it, think about it and post it somewhere prominent to remind yourself just how NORMAL you really are.
It's normal for the bio parent to want to punish their child within inches of their life...and then FREAK OUT when the step-parent so much as looks sternly at the same child.
It's normal for the step-parent to be jealous of the easy, effortless interaction between the bio parent and the child, whether its a positive or a negative interaction.
It's normal for the bio parent to wonder if the step-parent can REALLY love the child as much as they do.
It's normal to have awkward moments with your step-children and wonder if it will ever feel more natural.
It's normal to worry that you favor your bio children over your step-children, and to OVERcompensate by being strict with them.
It's normal to feel fury when the absent bio parent neglects or disappoints the children, and yet they still worship them; but when you (the step-parent) are consistently there to be a supportive, loving, caring parent, your presence is merely tolerated.
It's normal to want to choke your step-children but refrain from doing so because you're still working on finding your "team parenting style" with your new spouse.
It's normal for ALL children to push the boundaries to see what they can get away with in the new situation. Neither bio nor step-parents should take this personally.
It's normal to wonder if your step-children are actually Satan's minions in disguise, trying everything possible to come between you and their bio parent.
It's normal to be humbled and awed when you see your bio child hanging on the step-parent as though he were the bio parent. Same thing when you get that first unsolicited hug, kiss or I love you from your step-child.
It's normal to feel like the Antichrist (with your partner and their child(ren)) when you attempt to enforce some of your own household rules on the step-child, when your bio child already knows they're law.
It's normal to have nasty thoughts about what you'd like to do to the other bio parent of your step-child because of something they said or did to the child (see above about disappointing them) or to your partner as the child's parent.
It's normal to refer to your newly formed brood as "our children" in public, but occasionally make comments (sarcastic or otherwise) to your partner about "their child(ren)".
It's normal to want to run away from time to time, and leave them all in the house to sort it out. Quiet time is good for everyone and occasionally even Mom needs a time out.
It's normal not to feel the same love toward your step-children no matter how hard you may try.
It's normal to get upset with your spouse when "his" kid does something wrong.
It's normal to feel frustrated in a blended family.
It's normal to distance yourself when a child comes between you as a couple.
It's normal to be angry at the ex, when their battles over the child start to affect your relationship with DH.
It's normal for your biological child/ren to feel ambivalence toward the blended family concept.
It's normal for your biological child/ren to feel overwhelmed by all the new relationships s/he has from 'blending' - not just stepparent and step sibs, but new grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
Want to add to the It's Normal Blended Family Edition? Click Here!
