Carbonated Tears

By

Brandon Seger

 

Bakersfield Community Theatre � One-Act Festival 2004

Email: [email protected]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Characters

Ben: An introverted college student, friends with Tyrone.

Tyrone: A socially outgoing college student, friends with Ben

Karen: A female college student.

Scene 1: Ben and Tyrone�s dormitory.

The room consists of a table, a keyboard, a couch, a TV, and a refrigerator. Ben is sitting at the keyboard and practicing.  He starts to play �Fur Elise� but makes a mistake after a few notes.  He tries again, but makes another mistake.  A third time, he tries the song from the beginning but makes a mistake yet again.  He attempts it a fourth time when Tyrone enters.

Ben� (Apathetically) Hey.

Tyrone� What�s going on?

Ben� Practicing on my keyboard.

Tyrone� Getting any better? [Gets a drink from the fridge.]

Ben� No.  I practice the song over and over and I ruin it every time.  I�m tempted to just give up.

Tyrone �Dang, you�ve already gone through most of the soda.� Save some for me, man.

Ben� What can I say? I�m a soft drink addict.

Tyrone� Better not get sad and cry or anything, or you�ll be leaking carbonated tears�so practicing the song is hard huh? It is a clich�, to be sure, but you only fail if you give up.

Ben� I should probably return to studying.  Something you don�t do very much.  

Tyrone� Hey, I study.  I don�t party 24/7, you know, I still do my homework�I try to, at least. [Noticing the textbook on the table] Physics, eh?

Ben� Yes, and I hate it.  Chemistry was far better.

Tyrone� Other way around for me.  Well, you�re smart, you�ll do fine.  Just don�t worry.

Ben� So what did you do today?

Tyrone� Had to print some papers out at the library.  You know what sucks?  I return to my car in the parking lot, and a ticket is sitting on my windshield!  I pick it up, and it says �Notice of illegal parking � no parking permit displayed.�  I had the parking permit in the glove compartment�I simply forgot to hang it on the rear-view mirror!

Ben� How much is the ticket?

Tyrone� Thirty dollars.

Ben� Too bad.  Well, guess what?  Life is a trash sandwich, and everyday someone forces you to take a bite.

Pause.

Tyrone� What�s the matter?

Ben� Nothing.

Tyrone� Did you flunk a test?

Ben� No.

Tyrone� Do you have a headache?

Ben� No.

Tyrone� Did your dog die?

Ben� Tyrone, I don�t have a dog!

Tyrone� Then why so blue?

Ben� I�m not sure.  Just a lame day.  I�m bored.

Tyrone� Then go do something.

Ben� Like what?

Tyrone �Anything.  Whatever would be fun for you. 

Ben� I don�t know.  There�s just absolutely nothing to do other than more studying.

Tyrone� Drive around.  Go cruising.

Ben� Nah.  I�ll just senselessly use up gas.

Tyrone� Is you car a gas guzzler?

Ben� No.  Just don�t want to waste gas, that�s all.  Especially with current prices.

Tyrone� You�re no fun.

Ben� Even so, I don�t feel like driving.  Nowhere to go.

Tyrone� Go to a friends house, maybe?

Ben� No. I won�t bother anyone.

Tyrone� Go see a movie?

Ben� Nothing out that I really want to see.  I don�t know, I�ll just go to the video store and rent a DVD or something.

Tyrone� There�s got to be something.  Hey, why don�t you invite that one girl over?

Ben� What?  What girl?

Tyrone� That girl you told me about.

Ben� Oh, her.  Gees, you make it sound like I�m stalking her. 

Tyrone� You obviously sound like you like her.  Why not ask her over?

Ben� Why would I do that?

Tyrone� Why not?

Ben� Many reasons.

Tyrone� Name some.

Ben� For one, if I asked her, she wouldn�t want to. 

Tyrone� How do you know that?

Ben� Trust me.  I know.  I have this feeling.

Tyrone� You can�t know until you try and ask.

Ben� Second, if she even came over, what would we do?

Tyrone� You could talk to each other.

Ben� I�m not sociable.  You know that.  I don�t have a chit-chat processor built into my brain like other people.  Whenever I�ve been around her, it�s only been short small talk.  Nothing more.

Tyrone� How hard is it to speak?  Conversation isn�t quantum physics.

Ben� It�s not being able to speak that is the problem.  The problem is finding the right words.  What am I supposed to say?

Tyrone� Ask her how her day was.  What she is studying.  What she is planning to do in the future.  There are many things you can say.

Ben� That�s not very much.  Even if I asked her all of those, it would be a five minute conversation.  Then when she stops talking, it�s my turn�only that I�ve nothing much to say.  I�ll look like an imbecile.

Tyrone� If you don�t think you can talk much, then put on a movie.

Ben� That would be awkward.

Tyrone� How so?

Ben� We would sit there, separately, on the couch facing the TV and not interacting.  She would conclude that I am a very boring person.

Tyrone� That�s presumptuous of you to think that.

Ben� But it would be true.

Tyrone� You�re more fearful than a paranoid android, you know that?

Ben� I don�t want to ask her anything.  I like her.  I don�t know why, but I do.  I don�t know her all that well.  I only know her from class.

Tyrone� If you never make an effort, then you�ll never get to know each other better.

Ben� I don�t know what to do.  I wrote a poem about her.  I don�t know if that is a weird thing to do or not, but I did.

Tyrone� Why don�t you give her the poem?  She might like it.  It might open her up to you.

Ben� No.

Tyrone� I dare you to give it to her�face to face.

Ben� No!

Tyrone� Yes!  Do it tomorrow!

Ben� No way.

Tyrone� I�ll drag you over to her.

Ben� Not only no, but heck no.

Tyrone� Fine.  I will find this girl and tell her that you like her.

Ben� No way!  You don�t have any classes with her, and you don�t even know her.

Tyrone� Don�t worry.  I�ll find her.

Ben� How?

Tyrone� I will.  Don�t ask questions. 

Ben� You won�t.

Tyrone� Believe me; I have ways of finding her.  I�ll tell her your secret, that you wrote a poem for her. 

Ben� You�re just saying that to scare me.

Tyrone� Okay, maybe I am.

Ben� If only I knew how to give it to her without giving it to her myself.

Tyrone� Why not just give it to her yourself?

Ben� Because, I�m afraid.  I don�t know what she�ll say.

Tyrone� Come on, I�m sure she�ll like it.

Ben� Forget it. I just wish I could give it to her without confronting her head on.

Tyrone� You should give it to her in person.  It would be weird otherwise.  What would she think if she got a poem from someone anonymous?  How strange do you think that would be?  Come on, I�ll help you out.  I�ll talk to her.  Seriously.

Ben� No. I�ll do it somehow.

Tyrone� Fine.  Take the long and hard road.

Ben� The road will end at some point.

Tyrone� Either at a dead end or the edge of a cliff.

Ben� Fine, so be it.

Tyrone� Why do you have to act that way?  You can make it much easier on yourself if you just up front give it to her.

Ben� No, I don�t feel comfortable doing that.

Tyrone� You always like to be difficult.

Ben� I live by making things harder on myself.

Tyrone� Apparently. 

Ben� I still refuse to give it to her in person.

Tyrone� Why would you not want to give it to her yourself?  If she gets it without you giving it to her, what do you get out of it?

Ben� Knowing that she got to know how I feel about her.

Tyrone� Except that she won�t know who it is�she won�t know who the person is that has feelings for her. 

Ben� But what if she hates it?  I don�t want to see her reaction.

Tyrone� Really, Ben, I doubt she�ll hate it.  Even if she didn�t like it, at least you can feel better that you had the guts to give it to her.

Ben� I�m not going to risk it.  It was silly of me to write it.  It�s just trite sentiment.

Tyrone� You�re hopeless. 

Ben� Okay, maybe I am. 

Tyrone� Now then, have you decided what you�re going to do today?

Ben� Yeah.  Actually, I need to go to the university library and check out a few books to research for the upcoming term paper.  That will kill time.  He gets up and grabs his coat.  Later.

Tyrone is left alone, and sips his drink.  Lights out.

Scene 2.

The university library.  The stage consists of a few tables, with a person or two sitting at each one.  Toward the front of the stage lies a table that Ben is sitting at, with a stack of books.  He is facing either to stage left or stage right.  The lights are dim on the other tables while a brighter light illuminates Ben�s table.

 After a minute or so of sitting and reading one of the books, Karen enters the room.  She sees Ben, and goes over to sit with him.

 

Karen� Ben!

Ben [Taken aback] Oh�hi Karen!

Karen� How have you been?

Ben� Fine, I guess.  And you?

Karen� Been great.  Only trouble is that college work is holding is pinning me down like a wrestler.  [She takes out a binder from her backpack.]

Ben� Yes, it is getting very busy here.

Pause. As they sit, Karen opens the binder and begins to look at papers, while Ben is visibly anxious but works to suppress it while he struggles to find words to say.  He is lacking aplomb.

Ben� So, what classes are you taking?

Karen� Hmm�discreet math of course, since we�re both in that class.  I�m also taking psychology, biology, and chemistry.

Ben� Oh, that�s cool.  I like chemistry.

Karen� Really?  Ugh, I hate it.

Ben� If you ever need help, you can consult me.

Karen� That�s nice of you.  Thanks.

Karen returns her attention to her papers, while Ben still struggles to find a way to continue the conversation.

Ben� So, what do you plan to be after graduating?

Karen� I think I�ll likely be a nurse.

Ben� That�s nice.

Karen� You?

Ben� Oh, um, actually, I�m not sure yet.  I�m undeclared.

Karen� I see.  Well, you�ve got some time to decide, I guess.

Ben� Yeah, maybe�so, uh, what do you like to do in your free time?  If you ever get the chance to have free time with your work load.

Karen [light giggle] Yeah, that�s true.  Well�I like to read, I like to play tennis, or just hang out with friends.  How about you?

Ben� Me?  Well�I like to do a lot of things, I suppose.  Too many to mention.

Karen� That�s interesting.

Ben scoots in his chair and inadvertently taps Karen�s legs with his feet.

Ben� Oh, I�m so sorry!  I didn�t mean that.

Karen� That�s all right.

Ben makes a visible cringe as if he�s thinking �stupid me!� After another pause, he thinks of something else to say. 

Ben� So, do you have a job currently?

Karen� I was working as a bank teller, but I had to quit because I couldn�t fit it around my school schedule.  I will probably apply there again next semester, and hopefully I�ll have time.

Ben� I see.  Yes, it�s good to have a job and get more money, as expensive as college is.

Karen� Definitely.  So, do you have a job?

Ben� Yes, I�m a cashier at a bookstore downtown on the weekends.

Karen� Oh?

Ben� It�s all right, I guess.  Say, are you a part of any campus clubs?

Karen� Just Phi Kappa Beta.  I don�t really have time for any other clubs, but I hope to join more in the future.

Ben� Oh, okay.  The only club I�m in is chess club.

Karen� Hmm.  You like chess?

Ben� Very much.  I think I�m fairly good at it.

Pause.  Ben grabs his backpack, and removes a sheet of paper from inside, which is the poem he has written for Karen.  He holds it with his hands underneath the table, out of her view.  He looks at it briefly.

Ben� Anyway�what are your plans tonight?

Karen� After I finish my homework, my boyfriend and I are going to a hockey game.

Ben [Hiding his shock.] Oh�that sounds like fun.

Karen� Do you like hockey games?

Ben� Yes, actually.  They�re a lot of fun.

Karen� Yup.

Ben� Well, I, uh, I think I should be getting back to my dorm.  I need to clean it up.  Looks like a tornado hit it.

Karen� Oh, okay.  Well, it was nice seeing you again, and I�ll see you later.

Ben� Yes, take care.  Have fun tonight.

Karen� I will.  Bye.

Ben grabs the books and his belongings, and walks over to stage right where there is the exit to the library.  Lights dim on the table where Karen sits, and brighten on Ben where he stands next to a trash can near the door.  He still has the poem in his hands.  He looks at it for a moment with an expression of disappointment.  He then crumbles the paper up and throws it in the trashcan.  He exits off stage.

 

Scene 3.� Back at the dormitory.

[Ben enters, where Tyrone is seated at the table, reading a book.]

Tyrone� Well, did you get you get what you needed?

Ben� No.� Not everything.

Tyrone Why not?

Ben It doesn�t matter.� I�ll get it soon enough.� I saw that girl.

Tyrone Oh, really?

Ben Yes.

Tyrone Did you talk to her?

Ben Yeah.� I was just sitting at a table when she saw me and came to sit down.

Tyrone� So what did you talk about?

Ben� Oh, just obligatory stuff.� �Hi, hello there, how are you doing,� blah blah�

Tyrone� It�s all right.� Don�t tell me, I know.� You didn�t show her the poem.

Ben� No, I didn�t show her.� But I almost did.

Tyrone� What do you mean �almost?�

Ben� We sat across from each other at the table.� While she was talking I took out the paper from my backpack.� I was listening to her as I held it in my hands, underneath the table.� I was getting ready to reveal it.� I was feeling a bit jittery.� My hands trembled.� I waited so I could build up the strength to show her it.

Tyrone� Man.� That was the perfect opportunity to show her!� You were together, in a quiet place.� All you had to go was place it on the table.� But you didn�t.

Ben� No.� I was about to.� I was standing right on the edge of doing it.� Then I ask her what she is doing tonight.� She tells me she is going out with�her boyfriend.

Tyrone� Seriously?

Ben� Yup.

Tyrone �Oh dang.� I�m sorry to hear that man.� What did you tell her then?

Ben� After that, I just told her I had to go home, and I left.

Tyrone� Huh.� Well, see?� That�s what happens when you wait to long.

Ben� Don�t tell me that.� It�s possible she�s had a boyfriend all this time.� I just now found out.�

Tyrone� That�s too bad man.� Well, look on the bright side: you guys are still friends, right?� There�s nothing wrong with just being friends.� That�s all that matters.

Ben� Whatever.� [Pause.]� Are you going to sit there and read your book all night?

Tyrone� Nah.� I�m going out somewhere with my girlfriend.

Ben� Oh.� Fun.

Tyrone� In fact, she should be over pretty soon.

Ben You hooked up with her a week ago, you haven�t even introduced me to her yet.

Tyrone� Yeah, well she hasn�t been here yet.

Ben� Does she live on campus?

Tyrone� Yeah, on the south dorm building.

Ben� What are you guys going to do?

Tyrone� �I think we�re going to tonight�s hockey game.

[Ben is slightly startled.� The possibility of Karen being Tyrone�s girlfriend runs through his mind, and he displays this with his widened eyes.]

Ben [softly] Oh really�say, you never did tell me her name.

[Before Tyrone can respond, the door knocks.]�

Tyrone� Well, now you�ll get to meet her!�

[He gets up and proceeds to the door.]

Tyrone [Half-heartedly] Gee�it�s about time you got here!

Karen [Smiling, and pushes him back in a flirtatious manner.]� Oh, be quiet!

[Ben stands near the table, looking on with total blankness.]

Karen� [Surprised to see him.]� Ben!� Hey, I didn�t know you were his roommate!

Ben� [Stumbling for words, and forcing a facetious smile] Well, hello again! Yup, I am his roommate all right.

Tyrone� Oh!� You know each other, huh?

Karen� Yeah, we have class together.

Ben� Mm-hmm.

[Tyrone and Ben look intently at each other briefly.� It dawns on Tyrone that Karen is the girl that Ben has had a crush on.� Tyrone continues his dialogue, suppressing the impact of this realization.]

Tyrone� I see then.� How interesting.�

Karen� You have the tickets?

Tyrone� Yeah, I�ve got them in my wallet.

Ben [To Karen.] Would you like a drink or something?

Karen� No, that�s all right.� We�re about to go, right?

Tyrone� Yeah, we should go now and beat the crowd.

Ben� Oh, okay then.� Be sure to have fun!

Tyrone� I�ll see you later tonight.� [Gets his coat.]

Karen� Bye Ben!�

Ben� Bye!

[Tyrone and Karen join each other and walk out the door together.� Ben stands there motionlessly, absorbing what he has discovered.� After a few seconds he moves and goes to sit down at his keyboard.� After exhibiting a laugh that is characterized by total shock, he turns on the keyboard and begins trying �Fur Elise� again.� The lights fade slowly.]

Curtain.