Mel: who are you? what are you doing in my flat? my trendy flat?
Me: I just want to ask you some questions.
Mel: ok then. anything for a fan
Me: fuck off im not a fan, I get paid to do this.
Mel: oh.
Me: right, in the passion of the crisp...
Mel: excuse me?
Me: the passion of the crisp. your movie.
Mel: I think you will find it is passion of the chriest.
Me: what the fuck?
Mel: its about jesus and stuff. its not crisp.
Me: oh. thats all my questions up the fuck.
Mel: well...erm...
Me: ok. well. your movie about jesus. why so crap?
Mel: oh because I used that movie to ram my right wing religious views in everybodies face. the movie is a crock of shit I know that. I just needed to get my pretentious views across, because im such an asshole.
Me: well thats certainly true.
Mel: yup. can I shake your hand?
Me: acess denied.
Mel: what?
Me: no. you cant. anyway, why are you such an arrogent bastard?
Mel: I am abit of a bastard arnt I? well my movies are basicly shit. so to make up for that, I just am a bastard.
Me: yeah your movies do suck. ecspicaly what women want. man that sucks ass.
Mel: yeah I know. I only signed up to that movie because I needed more money to fund my crack habit.
Me: cool. why didnt you do something more respectable then that movie, like letting a tramp give you head?
Mel: well because what women want paid more then that.
Me: oh ok. thats cool. what other shitty movies have you done?
Mel: oh loads. most of them of them are shit. the only good one is braveheart
Me: no, thats shit to.
Mel: oh. I guess they all suck then.
Me: yup.
Mel: oh apart from waterworld.
Me: you wernt in that film, that was kevin costner. and it was shit anyway.
Mel: really? damn, it seemed like the kind of over hyped crap I would make.
Me: tough shit.
Mel: ok. oh! the patirot!
Me: get bent, the paritot is a terrible movie, asswipe.
Mel: oh. mad max?
Me: you gotta be kidding. I think im gonna leave now.
(I walk out)
Mel: hey dont take that candle stick! that came from the set of what women want!
Me: wont be worth much then will it?