On this page I've decided to make some lists. Not food lists, like my help make. Sort of Top Ten lists, but not necessarily stopping at 10. You know, useful stuff. If you can think of a topic you'd like me to rate, go ahead and e-mail me. You know you want to.
10. Hold your feline like a baby (human). Especially in front of other cats.
9. Watch us in the litter box. Do we watch you on your water bowl? (Well, some of us are weird!)
8. Dress your feline. In anything. Ever.
7. Pet a cat right after he/she has taken a bath. Your hands are filthy!
6. Be stingy with "people" food.
5. Be late with food.
4. Interrupt a power struggle and/or mating ritual. Ahem. These things do not concern you, human.
3. Wake/move a napping cat. For any reason. If the cat is on your lap and you have to go to the bathroom, too bad! We will move eventually and it is not a servant's duty to determine when that will be.
2. Never, never bathe your feline. We are able to lick our whole bodies for a reason. You have been warned.
1. Enough with the water guns and spray bottles! Hello! It doesn't work. It just pisses us off. (Psst! Here's a secret: we just learn to do whatever it is you squirt us for when you're away anyway.)
10. Nap. Yes, it's boring, but it will give you plenty of energy to terrorize them when they return.
9. Jump on top of everything. The tv, countertops, the kitchen table, etc. When the humans get back give them a knowing look.
8. During the jumping-on-everything spree, be sure to find things (i.e.: coasters, those sticks with buttons, and, my fave, spice bottles from the kitchen counter) to slide, smack, or otherwise knock to the floor. Either play with said item or just leave it for the servants to clean up. Especially if your item is now in more pieces than it was.
7. This one is for the cats out there with a pet door. Have a party. Invite all your chums over for some kibble, cat nip, and jumping on things, of course.
6. Make crank phone calls. It's easier than you think!
5. If your people have been particularly stingy with the "human" food lately, pull the trash can over and forage a bit. You will find that humans throw out perfectly edible things, which will make you wonder why they didn't give it to you in the first place. I've found bits of pizza, hamburger, and a little pop-tart crust (nummy nummy!).
4. Scratch/mark anything your fuzzy heart desires. Furniture, clothing, indoor trees, etc.
3. Munch on some plants. Tasty... uh oh... I don't feel so good.
2. If the bathroom door is left open, this is a wonderful opportunity to (a) shred that paper-on-a-roll thing (don't forget to leave little bits of it all over the house) and (b) drink out of the drippy faucet and/or the water bowl, if you are so inclined.
1. Design your own webpage. heh.
