NoidsAreAfterMe

Sailor here.

Boy, oboy, what a week! �It started off great because I had a birthday and I turned two, whatever that means. �Two what? I ask you. �Zoe says she turned four last July and thinks it has something to do with her feet. �I agree. She has four feet, I can count them. �I, on the other paw, have two. �Makes sense. �I got special cookies and a raw carrot. �Zoe says I am lucky Mom didn't light it on fire. �Huh?

But then on Tuesday, the week started to go downhill. �Everyone is out to get me. �There are dogs in our neighborhood that object in various ways to our morning walks. �BarksALot does just that. �He is rather boring, content to simply say, "Here I am. �Here I am. �I smell you. �Here I am." �Zoe doesn't whine too much when we walk by his fence. �I am learning to ignore him because Mom always treats me when he runs up to the fence. �

The Baskervilles are another story. �They bark and growl and run along their entire fence line when Zoe and I come by. �Zoe whines a little for me to hurry up and I try to pee everywhere and Mom laughs and says that they're really sweethearts, just vocal about doing their job. �I get treats here too, but am usually a little distracted and it's hard to concentrate on Mom. �The Aussie tries to herd his brother the Golden. �The Golden runs barking, "Get away. Get away. �Go away. �Hurry up." �The Aussie says, "Come here. �Go away. Come here. �Go away." �Clearly, he is of two minds. �He once tried to bite Zoe's nose when she got too close to his gate. �Zoe said that is NOT what happened, but then in the same breath said that only her lightning-fast reflexes saved her from having a HissSpit Nose moment. �So you be the judge.

But the dog that makes me whine and Zoe jump around is the German Shepherd Dog down the block. �Now he sounds really vicious and climbs halfway through the metal gate to get to me. �"Lemme at 'em!" he yells. "Come here and I'll rip your ears off! �Get off my grass! �Get away from my street!" �He's really loud. �And scary. �Treats help, and someday Mom says I will even look forward to getting yelled at by him.

But still, on certain days, treats notwithstanding, I am reluctant to walk by his house. �Mom says I have gotten a little Pair of Noids, but I take issue with that assessment. �After all, we took care of THOSE last April and I ended up quite drunk and shaven. �Mom says the Noids aren't really after me but she understands my willingness to follow doggie rules and hasten by all these dogs' fences. �Zoe says I'm a goody four-paws and she sometimes tries to have a staring contest with the GSD which drives him wild. �She laughs all the way down the block. �Boy, is she ever bold! �And am I ever glad he is too fat to get through the spaces in his gate. �I like it better when he is in his back yard. �

And as if that weren't enough to frost my kibble, last night Josie and I had a slight misunderstanding. �We were both asleep on Mom's bed. �So was Mom. �Josie was making her lawnmower noise. �Mom was making her lawnmower noise. �I rolled over and found my nose inches from Josie's face. �I stretched out my neck. �I touched noses with Josie. �Then, overcome by good will, I kissed her.

Yikes!!! What a racket! �You'd have thought I tried to kill her! �Josie leaped up with a hiss and a screech and went thundering off the bed and out the door and down the hall and into her room yelling, "HE TASTED ME!! HE TASTED ME!!" �

Sheesh. �What a dope. �Zoe decided to sleep outside last night and even she heard all the commotion from her dogloo. �I'm surprised BarksALot didn't hear too.

Now, how in the world can I convince Josie that I was NOT intending to have her for breakfast?

Sailor just trying to do what's right and Zoe who calls me a noid