| NEW YEAR'S WALK |
| Sailor here. Happy New Year! Now this makes no sense to me; it's a new day today, as always, and you can't wake up and have a whole year gone poof in one light/dark cycle. Mom says it has to do with counting and that actually we are in a new millennium because the monkey who started the new Roaming calendar by counting for the poop started counting before the number zero was invented. Now, please. If I were fractious and argumentative, I'd have to take issue with all of this. I'd have to say that monkeys can't count and what does poop have to do with it and calendars can't roam and zero isn't a number because it isn't anything, it's nothing. But I am a polite gentlecollie and a pacifist at heart, so I won't bring any of this up. I'll tell Zoe and let her bring it up. Well, I'm mostly a pacifist until joggers run at us on the street. Then I feel obligated to woof them out of the way. They are threatening us, I just know it because they run directly at us, not in a curve, they have their heads up and sometimes their ears are big and black and forward, and they look directly at us. Mom says that they are not speaking dog language, they are exercising with radios attached to their ears and they look ahead so they won't step in a hole or dog poop or anything. Well, I disagree, but I have trained Mom to treat me when they appear and if the truth be known, I don't feel aggressive when my tummy is anticipating freeze-dried liver. Now when I spy a jogger, I turn to Mom and wag and smile and drool. Mom thinks this is a great alternative to the woofing thing. We did a lot of jogger training this morning on our walk. Mom says the New Year always brings them out. That was fine with me, it meant many treats. However, as we were coming around a corner, lo and behold, there was a Stinky Dead Thing in the middle of the path. Zoe told me that if I ever came across a Stinky Dead Thing to roll in it, but just as I started to sniff to see if it was stinky enough, Mom decided to practice the Leave It command. What terrible timing! So I had to leave it. She told me what a good dog I was and treated me. Then we walked back toward the Stinky Dead Thing and I had to Leave It again. She did this several more times and gave me a Cheerio each time. She was very pleased with me because a little while later when we came across another Stinky Dead Thing, I left it without being told. That got me liver! I think I will wait for Zoe to roll in it instead. On our morning walk, Mom found a lot of confoundee on the side of the road. This is aptly named because I am confounded as to where it came from. She says it's really called confetti and that revelers from last night probably tossed it out the window of their cars. She picked some of it up. The confoundee was gold and shaped like angels with a few green Christmas trees and a red candy cane thrown in. Actually, it was thrown out. She seemed quite pleased with her find, and scattered them on the dining room tablecloth when we got home, but gold angels really can't compete with Stinky Dead Things. Sailor the New Year's collie |
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