Written By: Armina Qi Saxton

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Epilogue: So Hard To Say Goodbye

The early morning hours of the day yielded clear skies and a slightly warmer temperature then the last few weeks had. No snow had fallen upon the ground since the night before, the storms tapering off for one day at least. The chill in the wind had not fully subsided to the point where it wasn't noticeable, yet it was not as cold as it usually was. It seemed like the weather had become nice for one day and would most likely resume its war path across Gaia once again in the next several days. Until then, many Gaians took advantage of the break in the storm and were enjoying the Christmas day ahead of them.

One in particular was not enjoying the day as a whole, but rather was taking advantage of the sudden and short break in the weather, like so many other Gaians were doing. Gino had already been up for several hours at the most, the bag he had brought with him laying closed on his already made bed and was ready for travel. Inside were several pairs of clothing that were warmer and better suited for traveling during the winter months, a small package of food he took from the kitchen to last him for several days, and enough gold to last him through the winter. The bag would be heavier during this trip then it had been when he had arrived in Durem, but he would manage. He had lifted heavier things then a medium-sized bag.

He was in the process of putting on a oversized sweater, one that he had found in one of the closets of the mansion. Gino didn't especially want to take items from his own home to get him back where he would be more comfortable, living in a place where he wasn't overshadowed by his father, yet he wasn't about to freeze again due to lack of warm clothing. He had already spent several days wondering if he would ever feel his feet again, because they had been in the wet, cold snow for hours on end without being warmed up. However, what had to be done, had to be done in order to survive the harsh days when the snow wouldn't stop until the warm air reached the land. He would eventually return the items, and the gold, to his father when he had a chance to; until then, he wouldn't miss them the slightest.

The mere thought of him leaving his home again, after a short while of being back, had been tossed in his mind countless times, during the last two nights when he awoke in cold sweat of nightmares that he thought were long since over with. He had made a promise, not only to himself but also to his father, that he would only stay until Christmas when and if Johnny had changed for the better or for the worse. It was now that day and the changes, even the slightest bit that could be seen to only those that could see them, were not enough for him to stay any longer. The long hours without seeing his father, the moments when he was there and nothing was said, when there was the twinge of not wanting to be there was enough for him not want to stay there any longer then he had to. The time had come to leave and leave he was going to.

He would have been able to stay if Johnny only was working the longer hours with the Council and G-Corp, as Gino knew of the weather and how it affected Gaia as a whole. Instead, he saw nothing else that indicated that he had changed over the course of the last few years. Johnny did not seem like he had become the caring father that had been there during the five months his son had lost his memory; instead of keeping Gino close to him when he could, he pushed him further away and found comfort in the warmth of his home office. Instead of demanding more answers from Gino as to where he had been and what he was doing, he remained quiet and let Gino speak the little that he had spoken about the places outside of Central Gaia. There was no happiness in the eyes that had seen his son come back to him the first day he had return, but rather held the discomfort of seeing a young man standing there before him, more defiant then he had been before. That was why he was leaving.

Gino pulled the sweater down around his stomach and let it hang where it was, smoothing out the creases in the pale blue yarn that had been spun to create the sweater. It covered the black shirt that he wore underneath of it and on top of the sweater; he would wear a coat that had been bought for him only days after he had returned. It, indeed, would keep him warm for the time being, until he reached the first point in his journey across Gaia once again and back to the place that he could forget who he was and where he had come from. There, he didn't have to worry about people acting as though he was a prince of royalty and that he was the son of one of the richest and most powerful men in all of Gaia. There, he was just Gino, plain and simple.

He couldn't really say that he wouldn't miss the cool, salty air that came over the ocean during the summer months or the hustle and bustle of the Marketplace during peak hours, as he picked up his bag and swung it over his shoulder. He would miss the place that he had grown up in, when it still had been around before that fateful Halloween, and the feeling of just standing on the beach and staring across the sea like there was nothing else better he could be doing. Those were the days when he had been naive and innocent, when he knew nothing of what his father was capable of and what would eventually happen years into the future. He would not make the same mistakes again, not this time around.

Taking one look around the room, a sadness crept into Gino as he took in a deep breath to steady himself. Now, on the day that he was leaving, he could honestly say that he wasn't willing to leave just yet, not because he would miss the only family that he knew of but because the ache of coming back home would soon catch up with him. It was hard to leave it all behind the first time that he had left and he couldn't see himself doing it again. There was always the chance that he could prove himself wrong even more so by staying, yet he couldn't take that risk of falling into the trap of becoming content with this life again and it being taken away from him once again. No, he had to leave when he still had the chance and only come back when he would be able to ignore the cry of becoming attached to the place that he called home.

He walked to the already opened door, steadily and without missing a beat to keep himself from walking back and throwing everything back where he had found it. There was no turning back now, as he took a left and headed towards the staircase that would lead down towards the main entranceway of the mansion. There, he would pick up his coat and put it on, before heading out into the cold Christmas weather and not look back to the world that he was leaving behind once again. It was hard enough to leave his room without heading back and he was sure as hell not going to change his mind once he got to the entranceway. His only hope was that no one would notice his absence until after Christmas was over and he was far away from the island as he possibly could.

So unlike the perfect getaway, someone who stood in the shadows of the hallway had noticed Gino's actions, watching him with flaring eyes yet did not bother to stop him. This person was not one to keep things from going as time and destiny wanted them to go, instead would move silently a few moments later and let the events unfold for themselves.

****

The entire mansion was silent as it should be, with the exception of footsteps moving through the hallways and maids humming old holiday tunes of years before. Fireplaces were lit and tended to, garland strung along the staircase banisters, the Christmas dinner being cooked upon the stoves, the snow outside blanketing the island---it all promised to be a perfect day in every way. Although the mood inside the mansion was not one that was over joyous on this day, it still was merry and bright as much as it could be. There was no sign of anyone that wanted to leave the inside warmth, not yet anyways.

Johnny placed the last gold ornament on the Christmas tree, stepping back to admire what had been placed in one corner of the library. The tree, in all of its splendor, was decorated in gold and silver, covering it from tip to bottom. Strings of silver and gold beads wrapped themselves around it, gold balls hanging from limbs, and two-toned lights sparkling all over the tree; it was perfect, the small bundles of presents underneath adding the final touch. Everything was exactly as it should be, with only his family missing as the last link in the day. Only then would he be content with what was around him and be grateful that he had lived to see it.

Even with the dark cloud that had hung over him, Johnny felt a sense of happiness pour into him. This was a day that would be perfect regardless and that he had all he could want under one roof: himself, Gino, and Marie. It had been a long time since he felt like he was completed, like there was nothing else in the world that could go wrong in his life. He had Marie by his side, a love that he didn't think could happen between them and last as long as it had. He had Gino back in his life, an impossible dream that had finally come true. It had come full circle, a life that he wasn't about to let go just yet, not when he still had many years to go.

And, yet, it wasn't as perfect as he had wanted it to be. There were flaws inside of it, flaws that couldn't be reversed in any direction nor could he fix them easily. It gave him doubts about how long this daydream was going to last and how long he could deny it wasn't real. That everything he had been doing in the last several weeks was a figment of his imagination and he was in a dreaming state that he couldn't wake from. When reality would step in which a slap to his face, waking him up to the harsh truth that he was alone and nothing he did could change it. Perhaps it was a dream, one that he did not wish to wake from at all.

That was a fear that he didn't want to happen, not when he had everything he wanted in life. Riches, someone to love, his son back from wherever he had come from. It was all too surreal, like he was walking in a fog that shielded him from the rest of Gaia and only he, Marie, and Gino were caught up on the fog. He didn't want the fog to lift, not when he wanted this perfection to last forever, tied together by a fate that couldn't be broken. Perhaps it was just that he couldn't see that nothing would be perfect forever and that his life was not supposed to last in a dream that could be shattered in a single moment.

"There you are," A voice said from behind him, soft footsteps walking into the library. Johnny turned his head over his shoulder as Marie came towards the couch, her eyes watching him closely, her lips in a thin line, and body walking stiffly. Something was wrong elsewhere, that much he gathered just from her movements and the look on her face. What it was, he would have to ask.

"What's is it?" He asked, keeping an eye on her as she stopped at the edge of the couch and continued to stare at him as though he was something new that had been added to the decor of the tree that she had not seen before.

"Are you going to let him leave like this?" Marie responded with her own question, as she sat down upon the couch that faced the crackling fire. Placing her legs upon the cushions, she turned her body so that she could face Johnny and the Christmas tree as it sat in the corner, decorated and lit up.

"Let who leave?" Johnny asked, turning fully towards Marie. He assumed she was talking about one of the cooks on duty that morning or someone else that he knew but couldn't place, someone that was out of his mind. "What are you talking about?"

"Gino, you idiot," She snapped at him coldly. "At this moment, your son is walking out the door and heading towards who knows where. He could be heading to his death or whatever else is laying out there. For all you know, he is still in his room, safe, sound, and asleep."

Johnny stared at her, trying to make sense of the fact that Gino had made good on his word about staying only until Christmas if he didn't see any changes in his father. What made it seem so unreal, was the fact that it was, after all, Christmas and no one in their right mind would want to leave their own family during the holiday season. It was absurd to even think that he would do such a thing without even telling his father goodbye. What was even more insane about it, was the fact that winter wasn't even remotely over with and the worst parts were just to come. Even with the slight break in the weather, there was no telling what the rest of the week would bring or how long the break was actually going to last. It was a death trap that was waiting to happen.

"How do you know he is leaving?" That was one thing he had to know, just exactly how Marie knew what Gino was doing and where he was going. She wasn't someone that knew every detail of how Gino worked; even Johnny didn't know and he was Gino's father.

"I saw him walking down the stairs. He had his bag as packed as it could be with whatever he got from the mansion and was looking like he was ready to leave. That much, I know. " She shrugged, still maintaining a low-burning fire in her eyes. "What are you, as his father, going to do about it?"

"Are you sure he's leaving?" He asked, starting to become and looked panicked. This was not how it was supposed to be, not the least. He had hopped that Gino would stay until Christmas was over until he left, if he had the intentions of leaving in the first place, and spend time with his father and Marie. Maybe even see that the changes in him were not as hidden as he thought they were. "And you didn't try to stop him from leaving?"

Marie crossed her arms over her chest and stared hard at him. "He's not my son. I suggest you try and stop him before the mistake of letting him go again is one that you will regret later in your life."

Johnny seemed torn between wanting to stay where he was and to get Gino from walking off again without a goodbye to his father. He had done that before, when he had left the first time, and it was something that Johnny couldn't force down from his memories. If he was going to stop Gino from doing the same thing over again, he had to act now before his son was clear across the port and far away from his reach. Even if it was just to say goodbye one last time, to embrace once more, it would be a moment that would not be wasted on standing in front of each other, doing nothing until one walked away. It wouldn't happen, not this time.

But he also knew that he couldn't hold Gino to a place where he didn't want to be, placing him into shackles and leading him into a prison that he did not want even be tied to. It was a hard decision to make, to stay inside and let his son walk away with his back turned on his home and not look back or try to keep him secluded from everything else and hold him in the haze of a forgotten life that did not exist any longer. There was nothing that he could do, in all honesty, but make the same promises he did so long ago. Still, there was a hope that this was not what it appeared to be, the hope that he could change the mind one last time before leaving forever.

He quickly picked up a small, unwrapped box from underneath the Christmas tree, a small box that he hadn't had time to find the right wrapping paper to hold it together. It held something inside of it, a reminder of the past, something that would give Gino something to remind him of what he was walking out on. At the moment, that was one of the closest things on Johnny's mind as he dashed out of the library in an attempt to head off his son before it was too late to stop him. Even if he caught him boarding a boat for the Port of Gambino, there would only be a small exchange of presents between the two and they would never have to speak to each other again. As long as Gino knew that his father did care, that was all that was needed.

More then he ever wanted.

****

The closed Marketplace stood in front of him like a silhouette, no movement within the stalls that were usually bustling with life and Gaians that wanted to get something as cheaply as they possibly could. Christmas and the coldness of winter made sure of it, even when so many wanted to go out and get gold for the items they no longer wanted or needed. It hit hard, the winter storm that didn't seem to want to let Gaia out of its grasp, but everyone would survive. It was the way things were, something that happened to anyone in the land and they could survive the worst things in their lives. It was just how it worked in the daily rituals of everything that went on the land, regardless of who it was or why they had been chosen to become something they did not wish to go through.

Gino stood there, watching the empty stalls that he had gone through as a child with his nannies and watched them barter for items and other things that were needed. He couldn't really put any emotions to those memories of the outside world when he was so young, not even the few times that he had held his father's hand and walked with him around these same stalls. Those times were truly moments when he saw his father in the light of the day and how he had molded from everything that was around him. He missed those moments of doing nothing but look up into the eyes of Gaians and wonder how they could possibly survive on the gold that was brought in from selling items and living day to day on the gold made. It was only when he had lived the life of someone that had to go daily, wondering when his next meal was or where he was going to sleep, did he fully understand the looks in their eyes. The looks of joy when something was bought and the gold placed into their pockets.

That understanding had come with a price, a price that he was willing to pay for what he left behind. It was a hard choice: either stay behind and live the life of luxury and inherit all of what his father left behind or work his way through life the way he wanted to and not someone else. Either way, he lost something dear to him, something that he didn't want to give up regardless of what choices he made in his life. There would be no denying who he was now, even if he was just a passing traveler in a land that was more strange to him then the one that he had been born into or if he stayed only miles from his home. That much he couldn't give up and had to accept it rather then attempt to change it for better or for worse.

He couldn't change who he was, not by the will of the gods and goddess's or by his own. That was something his father had taught him at an early age, to be proud of his heritage and the name he would leave behind in the history books that lined the libraries and museum's all across Gaia. If nothing else, that early lesson had stood out in his mind the most and would continue to do so until the day he died. There was no chance of him hiding his name, even if it gave him more stares and gawking then it did when he remained on the island. That hurdle would be overcome, just like so many more that had come before him.

"I know you are there," Gino said softly, seemingly to no one but knew that someone was standing behind him without word. He didn't have to turn around to see who it was or why that person was there, other then that it might just be the last time he would see this person again for a long time to come.

"Where are you going?" Johnny asked as he watched his son stare at the closed Marketplace. It was too cold for him to be outside and on a day when there was too much that needed to be celebrated with family rather then alone. "It's Christmas and you need to come inside. It's too cold for you to be out like this."

"I know it is, but I gave you the date in which I said you had to prove to me that you have changed. I can't see much of that change in you." Gino pulled the strap of the bag over his shoulder more as he turned around to face his father. There was no turning back this time and Johnny seemed to know this, as their eyes met. There was no remorse in Gino's eyes, none that said that he was sorry that he was leaving his home again and was not coming back. There was nothing in Johnny's eyes that told his son that he was not going to attempt to make him stay, not even with all the promises that he had changed for the better.

"I suppose I can't find a way to make you stay, can I?" He asked, his voice level and calm. He had to keep everything in control, even when he was not. Gino nodded once in agreement.

"I doubt you can," He replied sullenly. "Not this time, anyways."

"You will be back, won't you?" Johnny asked hopefully, one last attempt to know that he would see his son again in the future. If not, then he would at least know he was alive and well before losing all contact with him once again. "I don't want to have to wonder if I will ever see you again or if you are alive or dead. Four years was enough for me."

"I don't know if I am coming back again or not. I can't tell you that now until I know for sure if I am or not," Gino responded with a shrug. That was the truth, one that he wished he didn't have to speak. He wanted to stay longer, but his vow to stay only as long as he should was up and he was ready to move on. "Or I'll just pass through, just to see Barton again and everything else."

"I guess this is goodbye, isn't it?" Johnny whispered, looking straight into Gino's eyes. There was a determination inside of them, which swirled around in his eyes and set his face ablaze. It was then that he finally realized that he couldn't keep him here, not when there was so much other things that his son could be doing rather then staying behind and doing something he did not want to do. He had to hold back and let Gino do what he had to do rather then what his father wanted him to do. It was a hard realization, one that would take a long time to sink in fully.

"Yes, it is," Gino muttered with a nod. The two of them stood there for several minutes, not doing anything but stare at each other. It was another silent goodbye for them, one that didn't seemed to want to break. It was only when he turned around towards the portside, did the quiet goodbye fade and the journey back into separate lives began again.

"Gino, wait," Johnny said quickly, hoping that he would stop before he reached the boat waiting for him. There was something that he had to give him, one last thing before he left for parts unknown. Gino took several more steps and turned halfway around to face him. "I almost forgot something."

"What is it?" Gino asked irritably, glancing over towards the boat as his father walked towards him. The boat master wouldn't wait around much longer in the cold, even though he was being paid more then enough to wait for his customer to cross from the island to the port when he was read to cross.

"Here," He said once he came to where Gino was standing. Johnny reached into his left pocket, fumbling around inside of it before pulling a small, green box out of it. There was a pause for a moment, his hand stretching out towards Gino to take the box from him. "This is your Christmas present I've been waiting to give you. Take it. It's not much, rather a reminder of the past."

Gino looked at the box, then at his father with surprise on his face. He didn't automatically reach out to take the box, instead stood there and stared at it as though it was something new and he couldn't figure out what it was. It was a moment or two before he reached out and took the box, in which time Johnny let go of it and stepped back, allowing Gino to make sense of what was going on and why he was being given something when he had not given anything else in return. A stab of guilt went through him when he realized that he hadn't gotten his father anything for Christmas, rather then leaving on a day when he should have stayed instead.

"But, I didn't get you anything," He said in a small voice. Johnny smiled, lowering his gaze for a moment then looking back up just as quickly.

"Yes you did," He answered. "You came back, didn't you?"

Gino stared at him in surprise, feeling the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and goose bumps to go over his body. It wasn't the coldness of the day that made him shiver, but rather the usually calm and content look on his father's face as he stood there without another word. It was as though he had finally accepted the fact that his son was leaving and there was nothing he could do about it regardless of what status he held or who he was. It frightened him just to see the acceptance in his eyes, the way he smiled as though he had everything in the world around him, the way he kept firm control over his emotions---everything that showed what he showed to the rest of Gaia. Maybe that was what changed in him, the ability to keep control without sinking into the raving madness that had overcome him once before.

It was a moment before Johnny reached out and gave Gino's shoulder a tight squeeze, holding his hand on his shoulder for several seconds before lowering his arm and turning around to face the mansion. He walked towards the mansion without looking back, leaving Gino to stand there and watch him leave him alone on the island. He wasn't about to call him back, their lives more then separated now that they were on the same level as the other. It was heart wrenching to have spent only a few short weeks in his own home without staying longer, but he had to leave. There was nothing here for him, not a drop of what his life was like before. Maybe one day he would see what this place held for him; until then, he would return to the life he had spent many miles away and live the life he had lived for four years.

He looked down at the box in his hand, blinking at it as though he didn't know what it was. He shakily placed his other hand on the top of it and pulled it off, his eyes looking over the remains of what used to be an old pocket watch. The entire thing looked like it had been to hell and back battered beyond repair with the beads that had once been strung along the string laying at the bottom with many missing. The glass around the face of the watch shattered from some force not Gaian-made, the hands stopped at a point in time that was still in the back of the minds of many Gaians: Three o'clock. Not a second more, not a minute less. It sat there, at the time frozen forever by a single act that had shattered everything and changed so much.

It took a moment for Gino to realize what this pocket watch was and why it was in the state it was in. It was the same pocket watch that his father had worn on the fateful April Fools day and had stopped the moment when he had been shot and thrown off the Tower of Gambino by the force of the bullet. It was a moment when two lives were brought back into the same realm after many months of being together, not in sound minds but rather in a physical form that was not complete. The moment that passed them by before it was taken away from them in a single shot and events that tore everything apart and lives ruined because of a feud between two families that had gone too far. He did not know why he had been given this pocket watch as a present, yet he understood what it signified, that he would not make the same mistakes that had happened in the past but rather to learn from them.

Gino smiled at the present he had been given before he placed the top of the small box and looked up in the direction of the mansion. There was small changes that he now saw in his father that he had not seen in him before, changes that he wished that had been apparent in the days before that would have made the events of this day different then they were already. They were small changes, but they were still there. It wouldn't change his mind completely, yet gave him something to look towards his next journey to the island.

He didn't know how long he stood there, just staring at the Gambino mansion, clutching the box in his hands, before turning around and walking to the awaiting boat. He didn't know when he was coming back or if he would stay for good, but this was a beginning and a end. An end to a chapter in his life that he could look back upon and tell with experience and gratefulness that he had a place to come back to. A place that he could call home.