Written By: Armina Qi Saxton

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Chapter 6: Guilt

Edmund walked away from where Vanessa's home was located, on the other side of Durem and far away from most of the commotion of the city. It was far enough away from his own shop and home, but close enough that he didn't have to travel as far as some people did to get to the city. Moira, although a city girl by heart and nature, had a home just south of Durem where there were several small communities that were built several years ago. It was all due in part of the Housing Commission and a few robots that there were these communities scattered all over Gaian soil and perhaps some into the next few lands as well. Some would think that these communities would have been a burden for everyone, but it was more like a blessing that there was places for Gaians to live, rather then to crowd the island, Durem, or even Barton.

His mind was on other things besides homes and gardens, but rather upon the conversation that had taken places only five minutes before. His mind was still reeling from the conversation he just had with Vanessa and Johnny. He couldn't get the look that was on Johnny's face out of his mind, the look that showed that he was still very much human. It was a look that Edmund hadn't seen in years, when Johnny's wife had died. That look alone was gut-wrenching, just as he had seen Vanessa becoming quiet and looking as though she, herself, was going to cry from that look. He wouldn't have been surprised if she had.

Edmund turned his head over his shoulder slightly, his eyes narrowing at the sound of footsteps coming from behind him. He knew he was being followed, but had figured it was several Gaian's going the same way that he was going. He smiled slightly, turning his head back around at the thought of someone stalking him. He knew who was that followed him, although they had kept a reasonable distance away from him. If he didn't know better, he’d think that they hadn't followed him all the way from Vanessa's but had been hiding somewhere else along his route. A small bit of panic set into him at the mere thought of what they could have seen. Did these same people know that Johnny was there, hiding? If so, then he had a lot of covering up to do. If not, then he was safe to face these same two that were ready to pounce on him.

"Morning ladies," He said, his walking coming to a halt not far from where he could see his shop but far enough away that he still had a bit of walking to do. He didn't need to turn around fully to confirm his suspicions on the two women who had followed him from Vanessa's, as he already knew that they were there and who they were. Both walked around him, turning around to face him only when they were at least a foot and a half away from him. One was Anna Corrine Von Helson, the other Marie Von Helson, sisters that were nearly identical in every way, even down to the type of clothing they wore. But he knew there was one difference between them that no one else saw: Marie had always been the more caring one, even though she still had the same sadistic, twisted mind that Anna had.

"Where is he?" Anna said coldly and with an icy glare to boot. Edmund stared at her blankly, knowing full well who she was talking about, but refrained from showing that he knew.

"Where is who?" Edmund asked politely as possible, glancing over Anna's shoulder. He saw there were several Gaians waiting at his storefront, each looking at their watches and muttering to themselves. If he didn't get there soon, there might be more then just an angry mob waiting for him.

"Don't play dumb with us, Edmund," Marie hissed, giving the same cold, uncaring glare that her sister did. "You know who we are talking about."

"No, I don't actually," He said smiling sheepishly. There was a pang of panic that ran through him, a feeling that he was desperately trying to keep hidden from the sisters.

"Gambino, you idiot. That's who we are talking about," Anna said with an angry sigh. Edmund frowned, not talking a liking to be called an idiot directly to his face. "Where is he?"

"We heard rumors about his drunken rampage last night. I---we, rather---want to see if it is true or not," Marie said matter-of-factly. He bit his lower lip, telling himself mentally to keep Johnny's whereabouts a secret to everyone, even the sisters. He had half of a mind to tell them where he was, but that would most likely lead to them doing something to Vanessa if they got a chance to. He cared more of her then he did Johnny and he was not about to risk her life any more then he had.

"And here I thought you two didn't buy rumors. I must have been mistaken," Edmund said with a stare. Marie smiled a smile that was part devilish and part innocent, a trait that he found to screw up her face more then to make it look as though she was plotting something.

"We don't. Hell, we thought ourselves he was dead, considering how there isn't anything left of his mansion," She said, her smile fading slightly when she saw that it didn't have any effect on Edmund.

"No one could have survived that," Anna said. "The news said there weren't any, but you know how things can be covered up."

"That is, until this morning when we heard a few things," Marie said with a nod of agreement. "I, myself, thought if he did survive that, he would have left with Gaia at his heels. You know just as well the two of us on rumors: they aren't true until proven."

"Yes, I do," Edmund, smiling gently at them. "I also know I have a small group of people waiting for me to open my shop, so if you two will excuse me, I've got a business to run. Anna. Marie."

He nodded a silent farewell to them, hoping that they would catch the drift that he did not want to be caught up with questions. There were plenty of others that would ask even more disturbing questions then these two minds could ever come up with and he knew for a fact that they were capable of coming up with some twisted questions. He wasn't going to find out next what they were going to ask but before he could take even two steps around Marie, he found the sisters themselves had other plans. Marie had come up on his right side, her hands clasping tightly around his arms while Anna came onto the other side and did the same to his other arm.

"Oh no you don't," Anna said, holding tightly on his arm. "We aren't finished with you just yet."

"We still have some unanswered questions to ask you," Marie said, holding his right arm not as tight as her sister.

"Ask them quick, because a mob of Gaian's isn't exactly what I had in mind to start my day," Edmund said with a semi-defeated sigh. And being asked questions about a man that I just want to get rid of isn't either, He mentally added to himself.

"Our first question: Where is Gambino?" Marie demanded.

"I told you two days ago, and I am going to tell you the same thing as I did then: I. Don't. Know," He said, keeping his calm as best as he could. It was already at the border of staying as calm as possible without starting a yelling match that would only give him more unwanted attention then he already had. He had enough with the talk between himself, Johnny, and Vanessa, and the encounter with the sisters wasn't helping him. "If I knew, then I wouldn't be the first one to know nor the last one to find out. You'd both probably find out at the same time as I did, if not just a bit sooner. Word travels fast in these parts, faster then they did years before."

"I don't believe you, Edmund," Anna said with a frown and a stare. "You know where he is at. Tell us."

"Anna, I don't....." He started before he was interrupted by Marie.

"Yes, you do know where he is at. Stop playing games with us. We are getting tired of it pretty quick," She growled, tightening her grip. If she held onto his arm for much longer, he would lose al feeling in it soon.

"What makes you think I know where he is at?" Edmund asked. It was amazing on how they could put a fear into him, a fear that they would find out where Johnny was and that would jeopardize more then one life in that house. It was also disturbing on how much they were interesting in one man that they had no contact with in over a decade.

"Because you are his friend," Marie said, stretching out the last word for emphasis. "If I were him, you'd be the first person I'd come crawling to for help after losing everything I had, if I ever stooped that low."

"Yes, and you'd drag your battered and bruised body from the island and port, through Bass'ken Lake, into Barton, then past the Reclamation Facility, and lastly into Durem to my shop. all this in broad daylight and where people could see you." Edmund shook off their hands from his arms, straightening his coat as he glared at both of them. "Even if you were to somehow avoid detection by everyone, which is hard considering you'd practically have to go around everything and that would take longer, or tried to find help by night, going the distance between the island and the city isn't something you'd do when you are already halfway dead. All this just for a plea of help. Don't you think that Johnny would have asked someone closer to the island instead?"

"He has a point, Marie. There are places he'd go that are closer," Anna said, glancing over her sister. Marie just shrugged as though she did not think twice about that idea.

"Well, I am not about to wander all over Gaia just to get one piece of information when I've got a damn good source right in front of me." Marie came around to face Edmund, putting a hand onto his chin and smiled sweetly at him. "Edmund, darling. How much would it be worth to you if you told us where he is?"

"More then you have in that mansion of yours," He said, batting her hand away. "Look, unless you want people to be using pitchforks and torches pretty soon, I suggest you save any other questions for another time. Good day."

The two of them watched as Edmund strolled past them without another word and walked towards his shop, hands in his pockets and his back ridge. There was anger in their eyes that flared up, anger that was already at the boiling point and was ready to spill over, this encounter being the point in which everything started. They frowned even deeper, more then angry at the fact that they couldn't get any information out of him and weren't able to ask any more of the questions that they were more then dying to ask him. A later conversation, they knew, would have to take place, even if they had to track him down to have it.

"You think he is lying about where Gambino is?" Anna asked softly as she watched Edmund's retreating back.

"Of course he's lying," Marie said, with a roll of her eyes and her hands upon her hips. "He knows exactly where Gambino is and isn't about to tell. I don't know why he would want to keep a secret as big as that, when there are others in this hellish place that would be more then willing to sell that information."

"Well, if we can't buy it from anyone, then we'll have to do it the hard way," Anna said thoughtfully. Both sisters looked at each other, broad smiles replacing their angry frowns.

"Party it is," Marie said, her smile becoming something more then a smile that was calculating and cold. Then if faded, with the realization that any Gaian wouldn't bother coming to a party this close to a last disastrous party, even if it was hosted by two completely different people. "But not now, as some may not bother coming. It will take some planning on our part to get it just right. Besides, it would be fun to let Gambino squirm just a little bit, so that he is on edge. It is more fun that way."

"Agreed," Anna said, laughing as the two of them linked arms and started to walk in the direction of their mansion. They had a lot to plan and a lot of cleaning up to do; even with their quick and effortless remodeling they did with several of the spires and rooms, there still was a lot they had to do before any party could be thrown.

****

It wasn't the warmth of the bedroom or the lure of the outside or even the headache that was still there that kept Johnny Gambino awake, but rather it was something else that made him toss and turn without fail. After an hour and a half of trying to take at least a small nap, he decided it wasn't worth the effort and got out of the bed Vanessa was so kind to let him sleep in. He had made the best as best as he could, used to the maid he hired to do that for him. Everything that he had done himself before he had become rich and powerful had faded to the back of his mind and he struggled with the basic things that he had been taught at an early age.

He figured it was good enough for now, as he walked to the small window that sat just across from the half-closed doorway. There wasn't much to see, other then a few Gaian's walking down the street without even a look at the man that was staring at them from the other side of the glass. The first snow of the season had just started to fall, the white flakes gently moving down from the heavens. He smiled at this, still amazed at how such a beautiful thing could allow itself to be witnessed by someone that didn't even deserve to be alive.

Johnny took in a deep breath, watching the snow drift down upon the ground and melting upon contact. It was all he could do to keep tears from being released from his already tear-torn eyes, eyes that now were filled with sorrow rather then happiness that he once had. He watched as a young boy, perhaps no older the age of seven, walk from the curb and tilt his head up tot he sky and stick out his tongue, snow flakes dropping upon it. His father came up behind him, smiling and laughing at the sight. Johnny's smile faded, his face becoming placid, as though it gave him a sense of calm to see a father and son enjoy the first bits of snow. Both did not even notice that they were being watched as they went on their way to wherever they had to go, hand in hand and smile lighting up their faces.

"Gino," He muttered, resting his head upon the window. He couldn't help but think of how many times the first bits of snow he had missed with his own son, too many to count and too few enjoyed to be remembered. In fact, he couldn't remember any days filled with snow that he and Gino enjoyed together as father and son, a reminder of the life he had no time for. A life that he wished was standing next to him now, tugging at his shirt to come sledding with him. If only he knew where this life was, then maybe he wouldn't feel so guilty about leaving it out in the cold.

"You should be asleep, Johnny, not staring out of the window at the first signs of snow," A voice said from the doorway. Johnny turned around slowly to see Vanessa standing there, holding a tray of food from breakfast upon it and a half-hearted smile on her lips. It was as though she was intending on waking him from a short nap, rather then finding him still awake.

"I didn't hear you come in," He said with a wearily smile. That was the truth; if she had not spoken, then he would have never have known she was there. "Sleep hasn't come easy in the last few weeks."

"I suppose it hasn't with having to find different places to sleep every night and wondering if you'll still be able to wake when morning comes," She said, walking to the bed and setting the tray down upon it. Wiping her hands on a towel that laid by the plate, she turned to face him with an odd look upon her face. "I don't see how you could have done it so many times in the last month."

"I've done it countless times in the past, years and years ago, before I acquired my wealth. It is all about how you can find places to stay hidden in and how to make yourself comfortable with as little as possible." He frowned at a passing thought then shook his head. "It seems only fitting that I went out as I came in."

"Yes, but that was when you were younger. You can't be staying out in the cold, regardless," Vanessa said with an almost worried expression upon her face. If he hadn't caught that look in her eyes, the look that told him she wasn't very worried about him catching a cold from being out in the freezing weather, then he would have though that worry was real. "It is getting freezing out there, especially during the night. There are places in Durem you can go to. Places that have beds and warm meals. Places that can offer more help then I, Edmund, or anyone else could."

"No, thanks. I'm not at that point yet," He said as he turned back to the window. Despite the coldness that the glass panes held, the sun still had warmth in it that he missed so many times before. He wanted to smile at the sun that was trying to smile just as well, but he couldn't muster the strength to lift his lips into something he didn't feel was worth the effort. "It doesn't matter anymore, if it is freezing or not. Wherever I go, it is always freezing. It doesn't matter if I am inside a home or sitting outside by a fire. There isn't any warmth in anything anymore." He sighed, watching more people walk down the street towards the shopping district of the city. "There were some nights that I just did not want to wake up to find myself out in the open where everyone could see me vulnerable. I've run out of places to hide, Vanessa, and I can't keep running anymore. I have to face the population some day."

"Yes, you do. You owe the population an explanation at best, if not an apology," Vanessa said, crossing her arms over her chest. "Maybe then some of them will at least forgive you a bit."

"I am surprised I haven't been killed yet, with so many people watching me and waiting for the opportune moment to do it. So many has gone by, it's a wonder I'm still alive." Johnny chuckled, even though it was forced. Closing his eyes, he bowed his head and leaned his forehead against the window. "Maybe they'll do that soon. I've had enough with living. I've lost everything, even before Halloween. Maybe it's time I just stopped existing."

"Listen to yourself. You are thinking of giving up when you haven't even started looking for your son." She walked quickly to the window and pointed out of it, hoping that he would see this gesture. "He is still out there somewhere, just waiting for you to find him. If you give up now, he'll be lost forever."

Johnny's eyes snapped open, his head raising up as he turned quickly away from the window and faced Vanessa. It didn't take her very long to take several steps back when she saw the look on his face, the crazed look she had never seen before. It was as though something had finally snapped inside of him and he was about to do something he would regret later. Instead, he stood there with lips in a tight line, staring down at her as if he had gained several feet in height and was towering over her.

"And when I find him, his body could to the touch and his face frozen in solid fear? Then what? What am I supposed to do then? Keep on living?" His whole body changed after he spoke those words; everything about him seemed to just disappear. His face sagged, his eyes looking lost and confused, his body shrinking as though a bucket of water had been thrown upon him. It was like he had been deflated, as though he was a balloon and had put a pin into his side. He wrapped his arms around himself, everything about him looking worn and ragged. Not even the power that once radiated from him seemed to emit not even a small spark. "I can't go through it if I have to see him dead. I just can't. I lost someone I loved to death, and I don't know if I could deal with it again. How could I?"

"He is not dead, Johnny," Vanessa said with a soft voice as she gently reached out and put her hands upon his shoulders. "He is out there somewhere, alive and waiting for you to find him. If you give up now, there is no telling what the cruel world would do to him."

"It would have been nothing short of what I did to him. I pushed him to his limits, yelled at him when he didn't do something right the first time, raged at how he was a disgrace to the family. I....I...." Johnny whispered, shuddering. He shrugged off Vanessa's hands, walking around her and sitting down at the head of the bed. "I regret a lot of things in my life, but nothing more then what I did to my own flesh and blood. If she had stayed alive, even for a week more, then things would have been different."

"Would they? Would you have treated Gino any differently?" She asked, walking next to him. Moving the tray to the side, she sat down next to him, waiting for his response. All he did was shake his head slightly, his eyes moving down to the ground. He couldn't look at her, even to admit that there would have been no change in the things that he said to his son or the things he did.

"Perhaps not. It would have only prolonged her suffering," He said with a painful smile. "I remember sitting at her bed side at the hospital several days after Gino was born, holding her hand, telling her everything was going to be alright. She asked how our son was doing, and I told her he was getting stronger by the hour." He stopped there for a moment, holding onto the bed tighter before going on. "She knew that she wasn't going to live to see him grow up and that's why she made me promise to keep him safe and to love him as I had loved her. Then she passed, with me still holding her hand and sobbing like a child. I watched her die, Vanessa. Watched her die without the intent of keeping her promise."

Vanessa didn't know if she had been the first person to hear him talk about his late wife or the day that she died, yet she knew he had never spoken about it with her before or to anyone that she knew. What she did know was that he fell into a deep silence, staring down at the carpet with a fixed stare. There was nothing to indicate that he would have noticed if she had left at his point, regardless if she wanted to or not. She stayed sitting rather then leave, watching him trying to keep his emotions hidden away from her prying eyes. Maybe that was his intent, to see if she would leave after he had spoken about something that had cut him deep.

Johnny blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall, certain that, this time, he would fall into a blubbering, useless state. He didn't need to breakdown in front of anyone, even if there were people would were no more willing to tell a soul then he was to show his true emotions from the rest of Gaia. That was his intentions, to keep himself locked up in the dark so that no one else could see the pain that he still felt. It was hard enough to have to face the world in a period of disgrace, but to show his true self to everyone in Gaia would just be reliving everything over again. He didn't want that and wasn't about to start now.

"How did you fail her?" Vanessa asked a few minutes later when it appeared as though Johnny was not going to be saying anything else. Her voice was calm and seemingly understanding, trying to make him more comfortable with talking about things of his past. "You gave him a roof over his head, a bed to sleep in, food in his stomach, and clothes to stay warm. You kept him safe and full, not totally happy but at least he had a place to go home to. A father that at least cared enough to give him the simple pleasures in life. You didn't fail her or Gino entirely, but managed to keep an old promise at it's basic forms. That, Johnny Gambino, would have made everything worth it."

"In the beginning, perhaps, it was worth it. Now it just seems.....I don't know anymore. I don't know anything." His tone was becoming more distressed, more volatile as Vanessa stood up, an unsatisfied look upon her face.

"I won't stay here if you are going to continue with beating yourself up over things that you should have done differently," She said coldly. "I can finally see the guilt in your eyes, the guilt I knew all along was there but I had to see it for myself. Maybe that is how I know you'll eventually change, for better or for worse."

She only gave him a nod as a goodbye, stalking out of the room without even a look behind her. Johnny didn't even bother look up, his gaze still fixed on a certain point on the carpet as if there was something there that he had a great interest in. In reality, it was to keep him from allowing himself to fall apart, to keep his mind focused on something rather then to think back to things that he wished he just could forget. Those things weren't happy memories, nor were they things that he would wish on anyone.

In the end, it wasn't worth holding back the tears.