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My Journey From Hatred to Love
When this happened to me I was not a Christian, happy to say I am now. The miracle that happened to me was that a bible opened up to me and revealed 1 John 4:19: We love him, because he first loved us. What I'm going to tell you was not a coincidence. I'll start out by telling you in my family life there was no love only hate. My parents tried to kill me various times, once by driving me off a bridge, another with a gun and another by choking me, and my mom tried to cut my tongue out of my mouth. On top of all that I was being beaten every day. I would leave for school crying everyday with hand imprints on my face that were so red and welted I would cry half way to school everyday. You talk about being hit; I was hit with big wooden spoons, brushes and their hand made switches, and bottles, what was ever was in my mom's hand. I was kicked out of my house at age fourteen, and was told, "Don't let the door hit you in the butt." And from there it was a nightmare living on the street. I was raped several times by strangers each time a different person and sometimes by several people, it just depended how they got me. I held a lot of hatred in me, all my life everyday. When I was age thirty my mom looked for me to tell me who my dad was. I meet him, he is a monster, he is very abusive and controlling. He fights every weekend with someone. I've seen him urinate inside a bar because he couldn't get a drink. He tried to rape my girlfriend. My brother tried to kill me with a 12-inch knife one night because I was with a girl that turned him down and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I haven't talked to my dad in about 2 yrs now and we have only known each other eleven years. He told me if he wants to see me he will come to my house, don't go to his, now get out, you're not welcomed.
I'm trying to show you all the hatred I held inside. What I was about to do would have totally destroyed my family. I wrote a letter of truth and hatred to them when I found out that the guy I thought was my dad my whole life growing up was in the hospital dying of cancer, so I wanted to tell him that I'm sorry life dealt us theses cards and that I know he did the best he could, and that I'm sorry. I found out I wasn't allowed to see him, so I tried to call. They wouldn't let me talk to him. He was in great condition right up to his last breath I heard. Remember I haven't been in Good terms with him since I was age fourteen and I have only seen him since that time about 5 times and now I am forty-one.
One day I get a phone call from my mom she said, "Did you read the paper?" She knows I don't read the paper I have the Internet. She said he died and was buried 2 days ago, I felt so hurt and bad because I couldn't tell him what I wanted to. And 5 minutes later one of my brothers came over and said he is dead and was buried today. You see I didn't know who to believe everyone just lied to me all the time.
So I wrote a letter of Hatred, that would of dissolved our family completely, and right as I was about to put the stamp on the letter to mail it, a bible that has been on my kitchen table where I was sitting, opened up to me to 1 John 4:19-21: 19:We love him, because he first loved us. 20:If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? 21:And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also. So I read it and it touched me so much I didn't send the letter. I went to the church to tell them what had happened, and I know it was no coincidence, I asked myself why on that day, why at that time, why to that chapter. There were too many whys. There was just one answer: The Holy Spirit setting me straight, and it did from that day on. I have learned to walk in love trying to be a better Christian everyday. I have forgiven my family. I am free of the bondage I was under all because of God's word and the help of the Holy Spirit. Praise be to God!
