Track 4

The week passed by far too quickly in Harry�s opinion, and soon the Saturday of the first rehearsal had arrived. Harry found himself being quite literally dragged by Ron and Hermione down to the Great Hall for the first rehearsal. Worst of all, it wasn�t even going to be a nice, simple read-through � oh, no. Dumbledore wanted the whole episode staged and acted out before dinner that evening. Apparently, lunch would be of little consequence to the cast and crew, although food was being sent to the house common rooms for the non-participants. Somehow, that seemed just a tad unfair to Harry. Pity he had no say in the matter.

Well, at least they weren�t going to make him sing today.

Severus Snape sulked in a corner. This was in no way, shape, or form right. In any sense of the word. Severus was becoming more and more certain that the headmaster had gone completely barmy. Honestly, acting out the entire thing in one day, with no prior rehearsal at that, was too much! Perhaps he could at least convince Albus to cut the very last scene�No, he knew that was too much to ask for. Besides, he�d already tried that. All week. Severus couldn�t remember a time when he�d ever groveled that much, even when he was still in the service of the Dark Lord. And that was saying something. And to top it all off, that mongrel Black had shown up. Apparently, he too had a part in this farce, despite him not being a member of the faculty or student body. Severus could only hope that Lupin would be able to keep his lap dog�er, husband�under control. He considered asking if the mutt was paper-trained yet, but decided against it as the full moon had just passed and Remus was still pretty drained.

Severus looked up as Potter entered the room. Normally, he wouldn�t even take notice of the boy�s presence; however, Potter was making quite the spectacle of himself, having been dragged in by his lackeys, threatening them with Unforgivables all the way. Severus might have found his behavior amusing if not for the fact that he would be acting rather�intimately with the homicidally enraged young man before the day was out. He thought he�d been dreading it before, but now he knew that he�d rather have a threesome with Hagrid and whatever horrific beast he had about lately than have to try to kiss a psychotic Harry Potter. No, Severus was not looking forward to this at all.

Harry did, eventually, calm down (thanks to the efforts of his godfathers), but his attitude toward the whole thing didn�t improve in the slightest. It wasn�t very surprising, then, that he didn�t take his acting very seriously. But then, Severus was also being quite difficult about the whole thing, and between the two of them, the rehearsal dragged along much slower than it should have. To say the least, McGonagall and Sprout were not pleased with the way things were going. However, bloodshed was avoided for the most part (no thanks to Sirius and Severus�s bickering), and that really was the best that they could hope for. It didn�t change the fact that both Harry and Severus were behaving like utter prats, though.

Sprout: "Come on, Severus! With feeling!"

Severus: "Disgust is a feeling."

Sprout: "Okay, Ron, Harry�take it from �You like him��"

Ron: "You like him. He�s the only thing you can talk about."

Harry: "What are you talking about?! He�s a slimy, greasy, pain-in-the�"

Sprout: "Cut! Harry, the line is, �What are you talking about?! He�s a guy!�"

Harry: "Poetic license. Besides, my version�s more accurate."

Sprout: "That doesn�t apply to this! And Severus, put down your wand�"

McGonagall: "Okay, take it from Mika�s entrance."

Pomfrey: (bursting through a door) "Eiri! Wait right�Who�s the kid?"

Severus: "A thorn in my side."

McGonagall: "Cut! Severus, try to be serious!"

Severus: "Why would I want to be that flea-bitten mongrel?"

McGonagall: "Severus! Let�s try this again from Mika�s entrance�"

Pomfrey: (again, bursting through a door) "Eiri! Wait right�Who�s the kid?"

Severus: (coming around to put his arm around Harry�s shoulders) "Okay, let�s go, Shuichi." (looks up at Pomfrey) "I�m with him today." (starts cuddling Harry, causing Harry to somehow turn pale and blush something awful at the same time) "Ah, it�s so cute how he needs so much attention�"

Harry: "A�attention?!"

Severus: (more cuddling) "Ah, you�re so stubborn, Shuichi! But that�s what makes you so cute!" (voice lowers to a deadly whisper) "Play along or I�ll kill you."

Harry: "Then kill me before I get sick!"

Severus: "Gladly."

McGonagall: "Cut! There will be no murder on this set! Severus, don�t make me confiscate your wand!"

And so it went. Eventually, much sarcasm and Harry-blushing later, McGonagall got tired of trying to direct. Sprout refused to take over, citing the fact that she�d done all the other scenes, and even if she hadn�t, there was NO WAY that she was going to do the next, and last, scene. And so they called upon Albus Dumbledore, the fearless director. His eyes twinkled when he realized what scene they were about to work on, and he smiled. "Ah, yes, the final scene. Thank goodness�it�s almost time for dinner!" Both Harry and Snape just stood there, wondering how the most observant and brilliant wizard in all of Great Britain, if not the world, could miss the severity of the situation.

Finally, Harry snapped out of it and turned to Severus. "Keep your paws to yourself and no tongue!" he growled. Severus sneered. Honestly, the nerve of that pompous little brat! As if he wanted to do this any more than Potter did in the first place�Damn Dumbledore for making him do this!

"Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn�t have been better to continue serving the Dark Lord rather than defecting. He never did anything this sadistic�"

Harry snorted. "Oh, yes, you�re certainly one to talk about being sadistic!"

Severus growled. "Potter, you have no idea how unbelievably lucky you are that the headmaster will not let me inflict severe bodily harm upon your person�"

"Gentlemen! Places, please!" Dumbledore interrupted. Sighing, they each moved into position. "Harry, hold the door open�that�s it, just like that! Okay, begin!"

Harry took a deep breath, then began his tirade. "I don�t give a damn if you come or not! Calling my song a piece of crap�you don�t even understand it, do you?!" Hey, this was actually quite therapeutic, yelling at Snape. �Ha! Take that, you biased, sexy bastard!� "If you think it�s so bad, why don�t you just ignore it?!" �Wait a minute�SEXY?! Since when is Snape sexy?!� "Why do you have to go on about it?!" �Well, he does have a nice arse�and those hands�that voice�OHMYGOD, WHAT AM I THINKING?!� "Why do you have to challenge me like�?"

"Shut up," Severus interjected, perfectly on cue. "You drive me crazy asking �why, why?� You�re as bad as she is." He backed Harry up against the wall of the conjured "lift". "Let me ask you, �why?� Why do you keep showing up?" �He really does have lovely eyes�so dark yet so light at the same time�so very green�� "Why do you look at me like that?" �Such lovely lips, too�I wonder if they taste as sweet as they look?� "Tell me�" And with that, Severus Snape kissed Harry Potter.

End Track 4.

You want to see how I�d initially intended the final scene to go down, before my rabid yaoi fangirl hormones kicked in? Here you go: the original last scene.

Harry: "I don�t give a damn if you come or not! Calling my song a piece of crap�you don�t even understand it do you?! If you think it�s so bad, why don�t you just ignore it?! Why do you have to go on about it?! Why do you even bother to challenge me like�?"

Severus: "Shut up. You drive me crazy asking �why, why?� You�re as bad as she is. Let me ask you �why?� Why do you keep showing up? Why do you look at me like that? �Tell me�"

(Severus kisses Harry. Suddenly, he yelps and pulls away)

Severus: "OW! The lithul buggah bith me!"

Harry: "I TOLD YOU! NO TONGUE! Ugh, I need mouthwash�"

Dumbledore: (laughing) "Cu�cut!"

Severus: "Ith noth funny! Thith really hurth!"

Sirius: "Good! Slimy pervert, that�ll teach ya!"

Severus: "Pothur! I�ll kill you!"

Remus: (rather amused) "You know, Severus, somehow it loses something with that lisp�"