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On Saturday morning we got up and tried to get all of our things together for the airport. We had wedding presents for two weddings, and the contents of a package for my grandparents- we hadn't been able to find a box to mail it with yet. Everything took forever, and by the time we wrestled our two huge suitcases and carry on bag out the door and down the elevator, we were running late. And we still had to get money from the bank, so we'd have something to convert into dollars. We ran to the bank, our giant luggage swaying and ricketing after and in front of us, and then dashed through the train station, passing our Suica passes over the gates to let us in and shoving our suitcases through in a jumbled heap. We looked at the board, to see our train for the airport didn't come for another hour- we had just missed the last one by five minutes. Distraught, we decided to get on a local train that went to a more central station, and some time later found ourselves at a station in the middle of nowhere- that nonetheless was reasonably closer to our destination. We were going to take a taxi, but the fare was too expensive, and the driver was a bit of a jerk- so we ended up refusing the ride after all and hoisting our suitcases out of his trunk again- the taxi driver shrugged and made faces at the taxi behind him, and laughed condescendingly- but we had better things to do with our money than spend it on outrageous taxi fares. We walked about a bit, and then grabbed some French fries- we hadn't had time for breakfast and it was late afternoon. Justin thought the other train station was nearby, so he went for a walk to find out when the next train for the airport was coming. I stayed at the restaurant with our luggage, and soon he came back telling me that the train was coming in 10 minutes, so we'd better hurry. We got on the train, and arrived at the airport- only to find that our flight had been delayed by five hours and wouldn't be taking off until 9:00 pm.

Soon we were at the shrine. I was excited to see turtles sunbathing in the streams and ponds alongside the bridge entrance to the shrine- there were so many of them, and they looked so old and peaceful. A few baby turtles were swimming in the ponds- wriggling their little legs to stay afloat and wagging their heads. They were so cute! We walked up to the shrine, admiring the architecture, as always, and wafted ourselves in incense as we passed the big metal incense burner. I felt peaceful, but a little distracted by little gnats that tried to fly up my nose and in my eyes. We kept walking, around the back, where our favorite statues are set up, hidden in the rocks and plants, shrouded in their own mists, no matter what the weather is like. We walked down the path to the park, through the haunted glade, and kept walking, past a covered picnic area that was dark, and overhung with creeping vines, but pleasantly forested. We kept walking, passing some stone jizo statues wearing red bibs, and found ourselves in an open picnic area, a large expanse of lawn and a few picnic tables and water stations, surrounded by green bushes and paths off into the distance. We sat down and laid our convenience store (Conbini in Japanese) meal, and drank some cold bottled water.

As we were sitting, surveying our meal, two happy Japanese dogs came bounding out of the woods and ran up to us, scampering and playing. I went to greet them, and one of them, a light golden color, jumped on me and sniffled at my hand. Justin and I played with the dogs while they chased each other around and tried to jump on the picnic table at our food. We sat down to eat again and our new friends sat next to us, staring at us with big, brown, liquid eyes of longing. We tried to speak to them in Japanese- Stop it- Yamete! Good dog-Ii inu.. It's ok- Daijoobu.. We wanted to feed them, but we were waiting for their owners to come running up, looking for them. When I bit into my boiled egg I found it was not boiled as much as I would like it- the yolk was still orange, not yellow. I was disappointed, but thought� hmmm� dogs like eggs, don't they? Shiny coats and all that? We didn't see anyone coming, so I tossed pieces of the egg in the grass and the dogs happily leaped upon them. It was like a daydream, or some kind of fantasy- Justin and I, and our two dogs and a picnic- like a perfect dream of our future life. I've never had a dog, but lately, Justin and I have both been longing for one. We love our kitties very, very much, but I think someday our family will include a golden retriever or golden lab and our two kitties. (And yes, I realize that Neko and Ra might not be too thrilled at this development.) I see people walking their glorious, happy, golden maned puppies down the street on a leash, and I want to take them home with me. (The puppies, not the people). I can't stand not having any pets in my life, and the Sushi cat doesn't really count, since he's everyone's pet who walks down the street. Justin took some pictures of me with the puppies- I think I looked like a different person. For the first time in my life, I looked like a dog person, not just a cat person. Anyway, we enjoyed our feast, and the dogs did too, as another egg and a not so delicious after all salmon rice ball gave them their own picnic there in the grass. At last, revived and invigorated by the unaccustomed fresh air and smell of green growing things, and the sight of our new friends' lolling tongues and bright, playful eyes and wagging tails, we got up to go. It must be good, to be a dog, and have such a good dog friend, and go to a temple park where people play with you. Two women came walking by and the dogs immediately frisked up to them. I think the woman must have thought that the dogs belonged to us, but no such luck. We left, and the dogs started chasing each other and snapping at each other's tails, only sparing us one cheerful glance before they became immersed in their own, very special, dog lives.

We got back to the airport and found it was boarding unexpectedly soon- something about international flights and Japanese regulations. We got on the plane and it turned out that we had the whole middle aisle to ourselves- all six seats or so! The Japanese media has been whipping people up into a frenzy of terror over SARS- showing lots of scenes of doctors in protective gear under fluorescent green lighting and surrounded by clear plastic curtains mixing blood under microscopes. The result is that many people fear that any foreign place is a hotbed of death, and if they go there, they will surely bring back foreign diseases that will wipe our their entire families and co-workers. Of course, SARS has been a frightening experience for many countries in Asia and beyond- but many countries are as safe, if not safer, than Japan� Japanese tourists have been canceling overseas trips, no matter whether they are to Canada, Australia, America, or Singapore. So, our plane was deserted. There were only fifty people on the whole plane or something- and this was an enormous Boeing 777! My excitement knew no bounds when I saw the movie, Maid in Manhattan, was playing on one of our channels. Movies take so long to get to Japan that I hear about them months and months in advance, know they've played in the states, and that when they go to video they might finally be released in Japan. Each seat in this airplane had its own television monitor and controller, so that you could switch between movies and television shows at whim. Because it was American Airlines too, we actually had legroom, which was nice. I started working on my speech for Ann's upcoming wedding- I was very excited when she asked me to be her maid of honor, and I really wanted to give her a nice speech. We had some terrible food- mostly I remember lettuce and dressing, and a little rice� Those idiots have switched to wheat crackers for snacks instead of nuts, and love to hand out sandwiches and rolls, which do me no good whatsoever. I had brought some crackers, but not much else. Oh, and the movie was sadly insipid. We arrived on the ground at the JFK airport in New York exhausted, hungry, and a little cranky. It had been an eternally long day.

We got in a taxi bound for Manhattan- an alarming experience, where we had to cross the street and stand in a line before being escorted by a security guard to a taxi. We got a receipt and were whisked (slowly, through a lot of traffic and over bridges and such) to our hotel. The streets seemed very dark and very bright-neon- at the same time. Our hotel room was on the thirteenth floor, and up a rickety elevator that shuddered as it approached your stop. The room itself was a small rectangle, with a twin bed with a pullout trundle bed. I was pleasantly surprised to see a small refrigerator and microwave. Justin took a shower and alternated howling at the hot water blasting him, or shrieking at abruptly cold water. I had a quick rice noodle snack and we fell into bed, and slept.

At around 5 in the morning, I woke abruptly, wide awake, thanks to jet lag. Justin woke up not much later, and we ventured out into the world of Manhattan. Manhattan seemed a lot less scary in the morning than it had at 11pm from the taxi. The buildings around us were all old and had nice detailing- so different from the blank cement Japanese apartment buildings we were used to. We walked up to the nearest main street, which happened to be Broadway Street, looking for breakfast. They were setting up some kind of street fair, and the road had been closed to traffic. We wandered into the Manhattan Diner and were seated at a dark wood booth. We both had to blink and pinch ourselves- were we really back in America again? We were sure when we looked at the menu, though- a wide variety of elaborate omelets, promises of 'home fries', freshly squeezed orange juice- it all sounded so good. 'American' breakfast food in Japan usually consists of a 4 inch thick slab of toast, toasted, buttered, and sweetened� and since I can't eat toast, I have been pining for American breakfast foods. (A more traditional Japanese breakfast is miso soup, with rice and maybe a raw egg or fermented tofu (natto)- not exactly appealing to our Western stomachs.) The only thing was, once we ordered, we had a hard time eating it all because our stomachs have shrunk for the smaller Japanese portions. The orange juice was so fresh and delicious!

After we'd eaten our fill, we went out into the great wide world of New York City. We gave Lara and Toby a call to see if the wedding was still going to be held outside at Central Park. Lara was off doing bridal errands, but Toby answered- he sounded excited and a little overwhelmed, but told us it would still be held outside. We had some time to kill, so we bought some bath products we needed, and picked up a few food items for the hotel room. It was amazing to shop in an American style-natural foods/ yuppie grocery store and drug store- to see all my favorite brands and familiar labels- things I could actually easily read and identify. After that we decided to hang out at the street fair. All kinds of delicious smelling foods were sold from vendors- some kind of corn, mozzarella cake, fresh corn on the cob, roasted potatoes, internationally prepared foods- it all smelled so good and so different from what we'd become used to in Japan. Booths were selling artsy photographs of New York City, which appealed to me, but then I realized that the booths were all over the market and all sold the same prints, which diminished my enthusiasm a little. Also, Justin and I couldn't quite find a print that we thought would fit in our apartment, so we gave up. Other booths sold discounted clothing, cosmetics, purses, cultural items. I got distracted by a purse booth, where I found a very appealing, sleek and square blue purse that I had to take home.

We decided to find Times Square, and tried the New York subway system. My first impression was that it was reasonably efficient, though the ticket machines are somewhat taxing on the customers- given several people who spent an inordinate amount of time with them, perhaps typing out their life story or ordering tickets for the next fifteen years? We figured out the tickets and waited for our train. The seats looked somewhat sticky, and the whole station seemed grubby and grimy, but we didn't feel in danger of constant mugging as we had expected. Justin did see a large rat scurrying around the tracks, a fact I wish he had kept to himself, but otherwise our experience was without incident. We popped out at the Times Square area and into a mass of people and bright lights. It was crowded, it's true, and crowded with New Yorkers, rather than Japanese businessmen, but it wasn't that bad. We saw the area where discount Broadway show tickets are sold- throngs of people were waiting in line, debating over shows and planning their vacations. We were tempted, but figured realistically that we wouldn't have time. 'Next time,' we agreed. New York was already becoming somewhere we wanted to return to, despite Justin's initial uncertainty about it when we first flew in. We had a Mocha Valencia at Starbucks and then figured we'd better get on to the wedding. We took a taxi, mostly because we weren't sure how to get to the appropriate entrance.

I wore the blue dress I bought for my own wedding rehearsal dinner- a fantastic dress with a swaying skirt and toga neckline. We arrived at the park early, and I really started to wish I had brought a sweater, because it was grey and overcast, and my dress was sleeveless. It had seemed like such a good idea in warm, humid Tokyo! We milled around the Conservatory Park Gardens, sneaking peeks at other brides who were having their picture taken. We thought we recognized some of Lara and Toby's guests- ladies dressed in gorgeous, flower patterned dresses and vintage hats to match, a woman in a blue faux fur stole, and then, I saw Tatiana, a woman from Reed, and knew for sure we were in the right place. Tatiana looked as sophisticated as she always had, wearing a clever vintage dress and bright red lipstick. Justin and I sat on a bench around a lovely water pond, where earlier, a few women connected to the wedding had set pink roses afloat into the water. A rather grouchy looking security guard had debated whether they could float the flowers in the pool- I'm not sure if he decided to let it go or if they convinced him to let it be, but after some conferring on his imposing walkie-talkie, the flowers stayed.

Then we saw Toby the bridegroom, looking splendid, and a woman with a harp. Ah, how perfectly Lara, I thought- this lovely pond, surrounded by the most natural floral scenery in New York, with a glorious tree overhead. It was around this time that it started to gently, lovingly mist. Justin and I squeaked in alarm, trying to find somewhere to protect our gifts that we'd brought along. Then� the ceremony started. Lara floated towards us, gracious and lovely in a silk, pale pink Chinese dress, and slender heeled sandals. The ceremony was very appropriate- unconventional, with Tatiana officiating and with tender, personal speeches from family and friends of the bride and groom. Lara's mother made a very loving speech, using the metaphor of a bouquet of different flowers to represent Lara's life and life changes. Her Dad also gave a memorable speech, lovingly expressing his appreciation of Lara's fine, loyal, hardworking character- and saying that he knew that Lara was destined for greatness when he saw her buy a pair of bright red shoes. Toby's friends made nice speeches about him too, and it was clear that their friends and family all love them very much and were happy to be there. Lara and Toby both gave little speeches- Lara's was in the form of a poem by a Reed poet, about paths and choices made together, while Toby's was more personal, but they were both very fitting.

It did start to rain in earnest, but umbrellas had been handed out, and the overall effect was very romantic, especially when Lara held up a gray umbrella (parasol) that perfectly matched her light grey wrap. The bride and groom exchanged vows, and a lovely kiss, and Lara's face radiated happiness, and we were all so very happy for them. Afterwards, we all milled around a bit, not quite sure what to do with ourselves, and we got to chat with Lara and Toby a bit more, which was nice. Lara or Toby told us that they'd watched the weather report, and it had predicted clear skies until 3 (their wedding start time) and then a brief rain shower. It happened exactly that way! I'd also run into two more Reedies, who were both housemates of Lara's in college- Ellen (now living in Germany!) and Sarah (now going to school at Berkeley).

After posing for a few pictures, the party disbanded, and we started wandering, rather aimlessly, along the outside of the Park wall. Justin thought there might be some exciting shopping area if we just kept walking, so I began hiking with him. The only thing was, I was dressed for sitting at a wedding, in lovely, high, blocky silver heels. While these shoes are reasonably comfortable, they are not meant for hiking along the cement of Central Park. We walked, and walked, and walked, and though the scenery was interesting (we passed lots of chic historic apartment buildings, with doormen and everything), my feet were getting unhappy, and I was getting awfully tired. However, we kept going, and finally came to a museum- the Guggenheim, I think. Unfortunately, it was getting a little late to actually go into the museum, so we ended up just popping into the gift shop, looking for modern art posters that we might like. After browsing a bit, we kept going and ended up in an elite shopping area, where there is the first, or biggest, FAO Schwartz toy store. We went in, but couldn't go any further than the first floor, because they were closing. They did have some rather amazing stuffed animals, which seemed inexpensive in contrast to Japanese prices. Outside, there were some splendid horse drawn carriages that will take you for a ride around the block, but we didn't feel we should spend the money.

We ended up back at Times Square, and went up this amazing, vertigo inducing glass escalator in this opulent shopping center to peek in a Starbucks, thinking to just find somewhere to sit down, but it was really crowded. So we wandered into the Sephora shop on Times Square, a makeup shop, where a young salesman decided to take me in hand and give my eyes a shadowy makeover with lovely lilac and cream eye shadow. Justin was enormously entertained by all of this, and somehow I ended up buying two small eye shadows.

I felt quite ready for the reception after all that glamour, and so we headed over to the Thai restaurant. The restaurant was in a charming, eclectic area filled with lots of interesting restaurants and shops. We were the first people there, but soon there were lots of other guests. The restaurant staff ushered us into a back room set up with hoer d' erves and we had some wine, and waited for the bride and groom. They came in, glowing and refreshed, and then the party really began. A talented friend of the bride and groom, Jessie, sang several songs in their honor. Afterwards we adjourned to the dining area and sat down for our meal. Lara and Toby had brilliantly planned out the seating chart, and we had really nice table partners- a friend of Lara's who had also done the JET program, a couple she met in China, and Toby's sister. We had a great time chatting with them. The food was quite good as well, with a salad, Thai soup, thai noodles, potatoes, and desserts of sorbet or rice pudding. Our waiter was a bit freaky, melodramatic with thick black glasses, but he was entertaining. One table quite cleverly came up with a song about Lara and Toby's love story- and sang it to them. It was fantastic and very funny- all about hiking trips and camping and bicycling together. A friend of Lara's also surprised her with a really sweet backpack, made up as a picnic basket for hiking picnic trips! Of course, everyone tortured them by dinging their glass to make them kiss, which made them both turn a little pink, but was fun.

After the meal, we returned to the back room, and Lara did her first dance with her Dad. She danced to Eartha Kitt, an old style musician that we used to listen to while getting ready for Reed dance parties. It actually made me tear up a little, to see Lara dance with her Dad to this song about 'Daddy's little girl'- it was so very her and brought back a lot of memories. After a few more special dances, the dancing began. They had a DJ who literally would not let us stop dancing! He kept playing fast paced songs and then would move right into another one before we had time to catch our breath. Justin was jet-lagged, and feeling a little under the weather, so he didn't dance too much, but I got out there on the dance floor and couldn't stop. Lara changed into a bright red dress and came back out on the dance floor and turned into a wild dancing woman, even dancing on the tables with her friends all around. It made me so happy to see her having such a good time, and made me think of all the good times we'd had together at Reed. I had a great time, dancing around with Sarah, and Ellen, and Lara, and our table mates from Germany. We got to see Lara and Toby dance together a little, and of course they looked great together, but of course you never have that much time to enjoy your own wedding. I was just glad to see Lara blowing off some steam on the dance floor, and to let loose a little myself. I haven't danced like that in ages! My shoes were getting to be too much, so I kicked them off, until someone dropped a glass, and I put them back on. Then, the evening was winding down. We'd had the whole restaurant to ourselves, and it was great! Leave it to Lara to have a fantastic dance party at her wedding. It had been such a fun, satisfying night. I felt like myself again for the first time in a long time.

We went back to our hotel, and crashed in exhaustion, after an alternating hot and cold shower. The next morning we were woken up at 5am by what sounded like someone beating a metal cymbal outside our window. It turned out to be the sound of rain hitting the metal air conditioner. Justin put a towel on top of the conditioner, which helped, but then I was paranoid water would leak in through the window and ruin the carpet, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I sat up in the trundle bed and read for a while, until Justin was ready to get up. That morning, it was pouring buckets and buckets of rain. We scurried out with an umbrella, but the water was beating at us sideways and the streets were filled with rivers and huge puddles that you had to wade through. Justin picked me up bodily over some so I wouldn't have to get soaked feet- what a husband I have. We went to the Manhattan Diner again, mostly because we were getting too wet to care about variety. I had another breakfast meal, and Justin had a sandwich burger thing that was about the size of his head, with giant monster pickles.

After that, we decided to try and call Lara and Toby (after waiting a respectable amount of time) to see if they were up for a visit. We called them, and tried to hide under the phone booth, but rain was pelting us in sheets, and it was so very miserable. They were already receiving visitors, and they invited us over, so we headed right over. Lara's old friend from school, Becca, was there. I'd never met her before, but I'd heard so much about her somehow it was like I already knew her. We ended up going out for a second breakfast at this charming French caf�, though Justin and I just had beverages. We talked over all kinds of things and had a great time.

After that, we wandered through the neighborhood (the rain had abated) and we stopped by an Asian market- Lara needed a fix of her favorite flavored nori snack. I bought an 'American Holiday' box of chocolates, with a picture of the statue of liberty on the front, as Omiyage (a souvenir) for the teachers at my school. Then we went to a huge book store (for the bathroom, not for books, actually) and wandered through increasingly cool parts of town to vintage clothing shops, where us girls tried a few things on and the guys looked a little and then stood around outside. After that, we met up with a friend of Toby's, who was visiting for the wedding, but actually is living overseas doing work for United Nations with his wife. Poor Lara had been getting more and more pale and wan, so she went home to take a nap, and Becca headed back to the place she was staying at too.

Justin and I ended up prowling around New York with Toby and his friend, and we had such a nice time! I really enjoyed the chance to get to know Toby a little better. He's been such a good part of Lara's life for so long, but I never really had the chance to chat with him all that much. We really enjoyed their company, and appreciated the tour from two people who had lived and were living in New York. We ended up at this posh bar/restaurant where we ordered appetizers and drinks. I actually got to have fried calamari- it was calamari dipped in cornmeal, rather than anything wheaty- it was soooo good!

After more nice conversation, we headed back to Lara and Toby's apartment, intending to just see them open our presents and let them be. But, it turned out that other people showed up, and somehow it turned into something of a small dinner party. I was really feeling the jet lag (and lack of sleep at night) and so I sat like a zombie on the couch, dozing a little. I felt really bad because Lara was hard at work, making pasta and salad for people, but luckily her friend Ellen rolled up her sleeves and helped out, while other people went out for a few extra ingredients. Actually, it reminded me of an impromptu gathering I might have had myself. Lara's such a sweetheart- it was nice to just be around, basking in her and Toby's happiness. Lara finally got a chance to sit down, the poor dear, and opened our presents. I think she liked them- one of the most special presents we gave her was a set of five tea cups, in a creamy pearl color with flowers hand painted on the side, and then a delicate pink swirl around the inside. From the very minute I saw it in the Mitsukoshi department store here, it reminded me of Lara and the flowers she used to paint and study in Chinese and Japanese art� and the pink swirl settled it, because it made me think of her wedding dress fabric from her description. We stayed and enjoyed the good company and some tea before leaving for our hotel. The next morning we were set to fly to Milwaukee, so we needed to get some rest.

The next morning, we woke up suddenly when a helicopter flew overhead and then hung suspended next to our window, making a terrible racket. We couldn't really go back to sleep, so we decided to try a little sightseeing before we went to the airport. We hopped on the subway and took it all the way down to Battery Park, and walked around to see the Statue of Liberty, standing far off on her island. She looked so beautiful, and yet so much smaller than I had expected. The waves were bright and shining in the sunlight, and I looked at the horizon for a while, looking of this symbol of French-American relations, now a symbol of American justice and injustice. After that, even though we didn't have much time, I was suddenly seized with the desire to see Ground Zero for myself. It's morbid, it's dreadful- it's created such fallout- of reaction and control over civil liberties- but soon, they'll build over it, and I wanted to see the space for myself, try and realize the event as something real and actual that happened, and that happened in a place. So we walked quickly, quickly, quickly, through the park, past the sculpture taken from the trade center, around buildings and over bridges, and finally to the wire fence that marked the spot. There was a plaque hung above, with the names of the victims of September 11th, and a few red roses attached to the fence. Because I'd never seen the skyline before, I couldn't imagine what it was like with the towers there- imposingly towering over the other buildings. Now it was just like someone had taken an eraser, and scrubbed out part of the city- but I couldn't picture what the whole picture was like, what it looked like there at the base. Now there was only dry, dusty dirt, and bulldozers, and workmen, maybe laying in a new foundation, maybe removing the old one. There was just this blank space, bigger than two football fields, just staring at me. Justin took a picture of me, and we hurried away, off to catch our plane, away quickly, me trying not to think of the panic that must have hit then, what the subways were like when the buildings fell, crammed with people frightened and pushing, pushing to get away.

We got on the subway, and rode it quietly, all the way back to our hotel, where a car was waiting for us. I picked up some deli food on our way- a delicious basil mozzarella salad, an olive assortment, rice crackers, a cappuccino- so as to not starve on the short plane trip. And just like that, we got on our plane for Milwaukee and were off, with only a brief taste of New York.

Conclusion:

But in New York, there are so many people, so many different kinds of people. I think I could be just about anyone there. I could be me, and I wouldn't have to fit into some perfect model of what I should be. In Japan, I'm always feeling like I have to be someone else, or try to be like some idea of what I should be. I never fit in, I'm never a part of things here. In a way, being unique and standing out has its charm. But sometime, I think it would be nice to be as unique as I want to be, but not stand out like a sore thumb, not stick out like a nail that has to be hammered down. Justin and I increasingly turn our sights toward California as our next destination. It just seems like somewhere where we could be happy together, in the sunshine, not too far from family and friends. But maybe, someday, New York could be on our horizon. Maybe, if the right things happened, if a job came up or a school opened its doors, we could try being ourselves in New York too.