7uncut

Deepest darkest inner out fuck the world they don't know what I'm about dying a death with each filthy breath hear what I do listen to how I act see what I'm saying my crying like praying

Seeing the darkness fade the light everything done trying to make rite walking those footsteps trying my best not to sell my sole die like the rest walking those footsteps trying my best to walk through the valley fail the test

You come so close, yet stay so far You ask me who I am don't even know what you are Illusions we live is the presence we give if you ask not you will fear not

Did I tell you about the time I died.....and came back for more????? I haven't??? Do you think you want to hear about it.......? Think long and hard....well, here it is: (this is a true story....if u don't want to believe 'tis ok, but I need to tell it - my way!) It happened ages back, but I can still remember vividly, too vividly, that's what really scares me. Anyway, it was early 1985, the month eludes me, but I just turned 9. Mom and Dad went to a function that night, but how were they supposed to know what was gonna happen? I suffer from asthma We were watchin videos when it started, was mild at first and I'd gotten used to it by now, just a slight difficulty to get air - to breath. But it got worse and panic set in - useless asthma pump just wouldn't do the trick this time round. I felt it clutching at my lungs, squeezing, taking away my goddamn air. God help, please I'm 9 years old, what's happening - on my knees, the way I was taugh - you ask Him nicely He provides.......fuck, I was 9 years old.......just wanting to breath. No cellphones in those days, my little brother (7 years old) had to run through the streets - lookin for mom & dad. Probably an hour later they returned, I was still hangin in there, yip us 9 year olds have fighting spirit. Mom & Dad rushed me to the hospital, at last my prayers were answered - Doctor man will make it all better - you'd think...... He sat me on a table and asked some stupid questions......am excuse me, I'll have some air thank you, the rest are details...... Decided to give me an injection, mom & dad were right next to me, don't worry it's all gonna be ok soon - and God where were you....at least my parents were there. Then it really got bad, now I wasn't allowed to breath at all........sorry bud, your air supply has just been cancelled (did I mention I just turned 9).........I was still sitting on the bed when a cold pair of hands gripped me on the shoulders and forced me to lie down - the room got dark and my dad's shouting and praying sounded like he was in a tunnel somewhere......I asked mommy to help, but the hands had quite a strong grip......then it was silent. I went down a tunnel, yes that does happen, but mine was like a super-tube ride and I was strapped down on my back........no lights in this tunnel.......I could see myself from the sides, no, not in the room, in the super-tube, but at the same time I was strapped down and could feel myself sliding down the super-tube. I'll mention this part aswell, you need to decide for yourself, I saw the end of the super-tube ride, from my view from the side and also saw a figure standing there.....I'm not gonna describe him, because I didn't get a good look, but when I reached the end of that ride......my dad's prayers started ringing in my ears again.....and I was back in the room, Mr Doctor guy, who had told my parents there was nothing more he could do for me, was at the foot end of the bed - I think. My mom/dad had aparently picked me up after hearing the news...you know to say good bye for the last time......this was while I was still in the super-tube.......they now stood right next to my bed. I got up......10 minutes after being declared dead (ie no breathing and no heart beat).........and spoke again....."did I throw up" It was declared a miracle, Mr Doctor man could'nt explain it....no one could. I've been looking for God since that day.....and to this day He still ignores me......I was 9 years old, now I'm 24.....I'm not looking for God anymore

Nothing is I am Nothing, nobody, my words are meaningless - empty what I do, think, breath eat sleep all comes to what I am Nothing is all that matters Nothing is what you see when you look at me - through me A joke - that's me just another confused ordinary expendable worthless shithead I am Nothing to you, to anyone Nothing is what I want to be Nothing is all that matters to me

I don't think I know the time effort it takes to hear the word I don't need you but please don't leave me I already have a best friend but you're better I already am satisfied but I can't get enough of you You had me once think you still do? I am me don't want you but no one else will do

Thundering silence is the only noise I hear in the back of my hed burning fear user loser confuser the master making rules he's a slave of Help me I am dying here!