| Loss of Innocence (continued) |
| SPEAK EASY Inc. - Canada's Organization For People Who Stutter - presents: |
 |
| Eventually, every student had completed his recital and Miss Woods rewound the tape from one reel to the other. As the tape was played back, each student flushed with embarrassment as he heard his voice for the first time. Many had difficulty recognizing their voice and claimed: "I don't sound like that!" There was some merriment as words were mispronounced and reading mistakes became self-evident. Grins of chagrin appeared on the faces of those with the most noticeable errors, but even they seemed to enjoy their temporary moment in the spotlight. As my turn approached, and although I thought I had done reasonably well, I prepared to receive the giggles of my friends. I knew that I had not read as well as some, but I was totally unprepared for the contorted sounds regurgitated by the here-to-fore friendly tape recorder. Smacking my lips as I sucked in air in a vain effort to speak, it was virtually impossible to recognize my pronunciation of my name. From there, things went from bad to worse and I seemed to struggle with every word. The few minutes required for the other students seemed to stretch into hours as I fought to recite those simple four lines of poetry. Just as with the other recordings, my classmates started to giggle as my voice first came back from the reels of tape. Comprehending the difficulty I was experiencing as I struggled to speak, the giggles quckly turned to nervous laughter. In an attempt to stay one of the crowd, I weakly joined with the laughter; an attempt that was interpreted by my fellow students as approved authorization to increase their laughter at the strange sounds coming from the front of the class. With every passing moment, the laughter grew and swelled until I felt that I was drowning in a sea of ridicule. Like ocean waves, the peals of laughter slammed violently into my ears. Each blow seemed like a physical force that relentlessly drove my head down onto my desk. My weak attempt at laughter quickly turned to whimpers, then tears, then to complete despair as I lost all remaining self-esteem. I felt horribly and nakedly exposed as my innocence about my speech was stripped away. My devastation was complete. When I was able to raise my head, I found that the noon-hour bell had sounded and that Miss Woods and my classmates had quietly slipped away. I was relieved not to have to face them and silently slunk out of the room and made my way home for lunch. "Nothing!" was the answer I gave my mother when she asked me what was wrong, and I spent most of the noon break slowly returning to school. Keeping my eyes downcast as I wended my way back, I would have given anything not to return to school that day. Unfortunately, I had nowhere else to go and truancy was a crime of the highest order. Half of the class had returned from their lunch when I sat at my desk and all avoided my eyes as I cast furtive glances around me. My closest friend entered the room and softly approached my seat. Embarrassedly blurting out "Here," he shoved a small, brown paper bag filled with penny candy onto my desk. Mumbling "Thanks," I raised the hinged lid on the desk and started to put the bag of candy inside to be saved for later consumption. It took me a moment to realize the space inside my desk was filled with other candy bags, shiny red apples, oranges, and even a small tinker-toy or two. In their own way, each of my classmates had scavenged a treat for me during lunch as a "peace offering." Yes. I was seven when I lost my innocence. |