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| Weekly Rag for 1/16/02 |
| News of the Week |
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| This week President George W. Bush fainted while eating pretzels and watching football when he should have been working. Now let us get this straight. The man cries when he listen to Gloria Estefan and he faints, but Al Gore is the wuss of the two? Good Lord. Sources say that when he was choking on the pretzels, he blurted out, "Don't let those damn, dirty Paki's get my remains!" |
| Fake Ronald McDonald Pedophilic (notice I said fake McDonald's, fake; we all know Ronald McDonald isn't a sick pervert, why he's as straight as an arrow so please don't sue me) Quote of the Week! |
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| "Hey Timmy, (sing-song) get out of my dreams, get into my car...or in this case a big black van with tinted windows!" |
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| If one of your actors is suffering from a case of stage fright, I recommend probing into their anuses to loosen them up a bit. It also makes for zesty wrap-up party conversation! |
| Real Quote(s) of the Week |
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| "I don't know, I just love her, Pat Benetar, and I think she's amazing... a rock 'n' roll chick." -Britney Spears on her affinity for the song "I Love Rock and Roll", sung by Joan Jett |
| "I am a really big Elvis fan. And I think the real reason why we did the whole thing is because, you know, he's from Vegas." -Britney Spears (again) explaing the Elvis emphasis of her Vegas concert (Elvis was from Mississippi and lived in Memphis) |
| Quotes from the Los Angeles Times Photo courtesy of Yahoo! |
| Real George W. Bush Quote of the Week |
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| "They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it was some kind of federal program." |
| Quote courtesy of dumbpresident.com |
| Fake McGruff Crime Fighting Tip of the Week |
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| "Hey kids! If there is a police pursuit happening, help the black and whites out by standing in the middle of the road; by blocking the path in a human chain, you will stop those blasted criminals dead in their tracks! When the police present you with the Medal of Bravery, tell 'em McGruff sent ya!" |
| Photo courtesy of Yahoo.com |
| Photo courtesy of crimedog.com |