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August 11, 2001 Cheese, a Dragon and You: Remember Gnomes, Safety First! What is it about mice and cheese? I mean even in Tom and Jerry cartoons, whenever Tom put the cheese out there, no matter how dangerous the trap was, Jerry went after it. Jerry wasn't stupid, either. The only times Tom ever caught him Jerry escaped and got Tom in more trouble than before. If you don't know what cartoon I'm talking about, I apologize. Still, practically any pair of cartoon enemies from the 1950's would do. They had a very specific food chain. Mouse eats cheese, cat tries to catch mouse, dog beats up cat whenever he can. Sometimes they had twists in the idea, like when the dog saves Tweety from Sylvester. Then there were the Tom and Jerry cartoons when everything was different. You know the one, it had it's own little starting theme. Those were the ones where for some reason Tom and Jerry were friends. They sucked, though. All the humour would depend on them getting themselves into funny situations, and trying to get out without getting hurt, which rarely happened. They were missing the entire predator-prey relationship. That conflict was what made these stories worth watching. You knew every time pretty much the same thing was going to happen. Still, they'd have a crazy plan to get the other, and zany antics would ensue. I know what you're thinking. The rant's supposed to be about Horizons, not an old cartoon. Well humour me again. Remember another cartoon? Rescue Rangers? Chip and Dale were chipmunks that solved crimes with the help of Gadget and Monterey Jack. If you saw the show, you probably remember Monterey well. He had an Australian accent, and was very strong. In fact, his only weakness was cheese. As soon as he smelled cheese, his eyes went swirly, his mustache twisted into a funny shape, and he'd float hypnotically toward the cheese. Once he smelled the cheese, he couldn't help himself. Only after he'd eaten all the cheese would he realize what was happening. More often than not this obsession got them into trouble. They might need his strength at a key moment to stop Fat Cat's next diabolical plot, but he'd be busy eating the cheese in the room. Now back to Horizons. Its got its cheese, same as most MMORPGs. What's the cheese? It's loot, treasure, stuff that makes your character buff. If it's really good that means it's really hard to get. That is where the dragons come in. No one has better loot than an ancient dragon, no one. What's more, there's usually some fool that thinks they have what it takes to kill the dragon and take the loot. Now, there are a few ways to try doing this. One - you can get your char as uber as you can, and hope it's enough. Two - get a group together and work to take the dragon down. This is a better idea, trust me. Three - get a weak character, don't waste time with his levels or skills, and just attack the dragon with your newbie weapon. Which is more likely to succeed? Nope, not the third one. That's the gnome way. You don't want to be a gnome, do you? Gnomes are gross, they have cooties! You don't want cooties, do you? You probably don't even have your cootie shot! Ewww! Hmm, seems I'm going a little off topic again. Sorry. The cheese is tempting, very tempting. I mean, no one wants to spend their time killing fire beetles for a few silver when they can be taking down a sand giant, do they? As long as dragons have loot, people will be trying to get that loot. That is the nature of a player vs. player system. And you know what? It works. The winner will get stronger, and the loser will try again, or find a better target. You know what else? It's fun. The challenge of the predator-prey relationship puts the two groups (dragons and gnomes) into battles for supremacy. So all you gnomes, remember this: It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, and then it's a sport. No wait, not that one. The cheese is good. Try and get it, it's something you need to do. Who knows? Maybe you'll succeed. Just be careful. If you aren't, you may find you're the prey, not the predator.
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