TITLE: Tears and Fears AUTHOR: Trindajae RATING: I think it's a G, but some mothers would say PG. SPOILERS: Tiny bit for "Milagro" (US 6x18) SUMMARY: Even the bravest soul hurts when injured. FEEDBACK: Please! I'm a new writer and I want to know what to do with it (even if you want to tell me where to stick it)! Mail to Trindajae@yahoo.com ARCHIVE: Anywhere, so long as my name and e-mail stay with it and I get told before it gets put up. I like to see my name in lights, but I guess the WWW is the next best thing. DISCLAIMER: Oh, great and powerful Christopher Carter, All Knowing God of the X-Files Universe, do me no harm. I merely sto- er... borrowed... your wonderful creations for the purpose of paying my respects to the greatness that is The X-Files. (Legal Translation: I don't own these characters. They belong to 20th Century Fox and are copyrighted. No copyright infringement is, was, or ever shall be intended with this piece. No money exchanged hands at any point in the writing of this piece of fiction. All characters are fictional and resemblance to any real person is completely coincidental. This story was intended to stay within the bounds of protected free speech.) (Practical Translation: Don't sue me. I have no money.) ************************* She struggled up through the darkness of unconsciousness as quickly as she could, but it wasn't fast enough. A shadow hung over her. Too close! Her instincts were screaming, warning bells going off in the back of her mind. She struck out reflexively just as she identified the face. Mulder. She was safe. She drew in a shuddering breath and clutched at him in panic. Mulder just held her as her breaths came in ragged gasps that weren't quite sobs. His heart was beating almost as quickly as hers was. She was too much in shock to register anything beyond the fact that her heart was still exactly where it was supposed to be: inside her ribcage. After a few seconds, she made a concerted effort to slow her breathing. After a few minutes, she succeeded. Mulder looked at her with a mixture of worry and respect. "You don't cry much, do you Scully?" Still breathing with an odd rhythm, she shook her head. "Can you call Skinner, Mulder? And the paramedics?" "Sure, Scully." Mulder lifted her up off the floor and moved her to the couch. He tried to wrap a blanket around her shoulders, but she put a hand up to forestall him. "I'm fine, Mulder." He just rolled his eyes. "Sure you are. That's why I'm calling Skinner and the paramedics instead of the coroner. And in the meantime, Dr. Scully, I think I should treat you for shock. It's not every day that someone tries to rip your heart out." "Not since high school." Scully forced a grin. It wasn't her usual smile, but it served its purpose. She accepted the blanket Mulder offered her and laid down on the couch, propping her feet up on the armrest. She listened calmly as Mulder called 911 from the other room. She woke up as he walked back in and realized that she didn't remember him calling their boss. "Mulder, how long were you on the phone with Skinner?" "Only a few minutes," Mulder sat down on the coffee table with a worried look. "Why?" "I think I just lost consciousness for about that long. I don't remember the phone call." Just then, the paramedics arrived. Mulder opened the door and they entered quickly but without the speed associated with dire emergencies. -------------------- Two hours and a handful of doctors later, Mulder helped Scully to his car. They rode in silence to her mother's house. "I still think you're overreacting, Mulder. I feel fine. I was given a clean, although strange, bill of health." "My partner nearly had her heart yanked out of her chest. What do you think a reasonable reaction would be?" Scully rolled her eyes. "Hey! I saw that!" She smiled, but this time it was a full-fledged happy grin only slightly tinged with shadows of fear. "Tell me the truth, Scully," Mulder looked at her, suddenly serious. "If you really felt fine, why would you ask me to drop you off at your mother's place instead of your own?" Her smile died and Scully turned to stare silently out her window. The somewhat strained silence stretched until Mulder let out an exasperated sigh. "You haven't been yourself since we started working this case. Did Padget scare you that badly?" "Padget didn't scare me, Mulder." "That's a lie and you know it." Scully stayed silent. Mulder pulled over to the side of the road and turned off the car. Scully continued to stare out her window until Mulder reached for her chin. She jumped and instinctively hit his hand away. Mulder could see the tears streaming down her cheeks. "He scared you really badly, didn't he?" Mulder whispered. "He freaked you out." Scully shut her eyes for a long moment and nodded almost imperceptibly. He reached out to lay a hand on her arm, but she shrank away from him into the car door. He let his hand drop. "Is that why you want to go to your mother's place instead of to yours?" Scully didn't respond. Mulder looked at her a moment longer and then started the car. They traveled the rest of the way in silence. -------------------- Maggie Scully rushed out the second she saw them pull up. Mulder hadn't told her much when he called from the hospital, just that something had happened and Scully needed a safe place to stay. Scully got out of the car and silently hugged her mother before grabbing her overnight bag out of the trunk and heading inside. Maggie let her go and turned to Mulder for an explanation. "What happened to her, Fox?" Mulder looked guilty. Maggie sensed that the story would be a long one. Without waiting for his answer, she held the door open and ushered him inside. As soon as Mulder was settled on the couch with hot soup and her daughter was safely in bed, he began a confused explanation. "I screwed up. My neighbor was stalking her. We thought he was burning evidence in a series of murder investigations, so I ran after him. I thought she was right behind me. I forgot she didn't have her shoes on. By the time she came after me, the killer had already found her. I was in the basement holding my neighbor at gunpoint when I heard her fire several shots. When I got back to my apartment, the killer was gone and she was unconscious on the floor, covered in blood." Maggie sat in silence for a few moments, trying to absorb the story she'd just been told. She looked up and surprised a look of guilt on Mulder's face. He looked as if he expected her to yell at him. Mother's instinct screamed at Maggie to go and make sure her daughter was all right, but common sense told her to let her girl sleep. After a moment's struggle with herself, Maggie reached out and took Mulder's hand. "You thought she was dead, didn't you, Fox?" Mulder's face fell and he nodded. "I've never been so scared in my entire life. Not even when They took her. She was lying on my living room floor, covered in her own blood. My place was supposed to be safe. She wasn't supposed to be in any danger. I was supposed to be there to watch her back." Over the next hour, Maggie Scully slowly drew out Mulder's fears. He would certainly never admit them to her daughter. Scully would claim he was being overprotective and acting like she was his property or some such nonsense. Maggie and Mulder both knew that if she honestly believed he was trying to manipulate her, she would be out the door with a fresh transfer in hand before he could blink. And that could never be allowed to happen. -------------------- Scully lay down on the bed she thought of as hers. Every time she stayed at her mother's house, there was always a room for her, decorated the way she liked it. Charles and Bill used the other guestrooms, but they never bothered with putting their personality into them. She bet it was because they were too used to regulations and tiny shipboard cabins. She climbed under the quilt, curled into a ball, and fell into an exhausted sleep. -------------------- An hour later, Mulder stood looking down at his unconscious partner. Scully looked troubled even in her sleep. Her hand was lying hesitantly on the pillow next to her head, almost as if she was trying to decide if she should bite her nails or suck her thumb. Mulder bent to brush a lock of hair out of her face and she stirred slightly. Opening one eye, she gave him a half-hearted, sleepy smile and drifted off again. He doubted she would remember in the morning. Mulder lugged a chair over by the bed and fell asleep with his hand barely brushing against his partner's. -------------------- Maggie Scully had run out to get groceries. Fox didn't know it yet, but he was staying for supper. If she could manage it, he would stay for a couple of days. He and her daughter needed it. After two bowls of soup and a lot of prompting, she had finally drawn the whole story out of him, including the details the FBI probably didn't want her to know. Her daughter and her Fox had both been through the emotional equivalent of a train wreck. Rest, good food, a break from work, and a safe environment was the best way she knew how to handle those two, and handling them kept her mind from the fact that she had once again nearly lost her baby girl. She tiptoed up the stairs to peek in at them. It was just as she had suspected. Dana was on the bed and Fox was in the chair next to it. Their fingers were intertwined, though she doubted they had fallen asleep that way. Maggie retrieved an extra quilt to cover Fox with. She'd never tell either of them, but she thought of Fox as her son-in-law. Or, as she told Fox, he was the son who actually showed up for family occasions. He always said that he believed she only had one other son. He had never met Charles, and photos could be faked. Maggie tiptoed back downstairs and started in on Dana's favorite dish, Three-Cheese Macaroni & Cheese, made from scratch. -------------------- It was the smell that woke her. The delicious smell of cheese-covered pasta. Trust her mother to make comfort food just when she needed it most. By the time Scully woke enough to open her eyes, she had already realized that she wasn't the only one in the room. Someone's hand held hers. Without looking, she knew that Mulder was out cold in the chair next to her. Not even Macaroni and Cheese could compel her to wake him. He needed his rest. She gently slipped her hand from his and crept out of the room. -------------------- "Hi, Mom. Smells good." Scully tried to sneak a piece of macaroni, but her mother swatted her hand away from the pot. "Go wash up and set the table, Dana. Then you can go wake Fox." "I'm awake." Mulder entered the room, hair sticking out at odd angles, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Scully grinned at him. "You look like something the cat dragged in, Mulder. Come on, let's go wash up. Then you'll help me set the table." "Yes, oh mighty Empress, I shall do as you command." That got the chuckle Mulder had been trying for. -------------------- Later that night, after the dishes were washed and everyone had gone to bed, Mulder poked his head into Scully's room. "You awake?" he whispered. Scully sat up and looked at him. "You can't sleep, either, Mulder?" "Nope. What's your excuse?" "Too much macaroni and cheese and not enough warm milk." "What a coincidence. Me, too. Must be an X-File." Mulder tiptoed into the room and sat down on the bed next to her. "Scully?" "Yeah, Mulder?" "What did Padget mean when he said you were already in love?" Scully thought carefully before answering. "Ask me in a few years and maybe I'll tell you." They lapsed into a silence that was almost comfortable. "Mulder?" "Yeah, Scully?" Mulder waited through a long pause. "Padget scared me. He got inside my head." "I know." Mulder took her hand and stroked her knuckles. "I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes, I feel like someone is choking me. I fall asleep and I dream that I'm back on the floor being choked and having someone reach inside my chest, pulling on my heart. I'm screaming and screaming and no one comes..." Mulder lay down on top of the quilt and pulled her to him. He made soothing noises until she stopped crying. He knew her eyes must be red and swollen, but in the dark, Mulder couldn't tell. "I can't sleep because I can't stop remembering." She whispered it so quietly he almost didn't hear her. "What a coincidence. Me, too." "Must be an X-File, huh, Mulder?" "Yeah." -------------------- Maggie poked her head into her daughter's darkened room. Neither one of them had said anything for the last few minutes, so she assumed they were both asleep. She picked up the discarded quilt from earlier and covered Fox with it. Then she returned to her room. -------------------- Three days later, Mulder and Scully returned to work, band-aids on all their emotional wounds and looking hardly worse for the wear. The rumors of the attack had made the usual rounds of the building; the two got words of sympathy from acquaintances and strange looks from everyone else. The other agents watched them in the halls, but no one could tell that Mulder and Scully both had been basket cases less than 72 hours before. ~End~ Feedback at Trindajae@yahoo.com