| Quotes |
| Feel free to send me quotes I haven't heard. Oh, and if you know who said it and I don't, tell me! |
| "Never look down on someone unless you're helping them up." - Jesse Louis Jackson "When it comes to streamlining my work, my computer will never be able to compete with my wastebasket." - Unknown "One in every four people is unbalanced. Think of three friends. If they seem okay to you, you're the one." - Unknown "Laughter. It costs nothing and it feels good. About how many things can you say that?" - Unkown (I'm thinking Mark Twain, but I'm not sure) "No one ever won a war by dying for his country. He won the war by making the other dumb idiot die for *his* country." - General Patton (language cleaned up) "When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried." - Unknown (but TRUE!) "If I know anything, I know this: There is a God and I'm not her." - Tom Seibel "Normal people worry me." - Unknown "I'd really like to care, but I don't have that gene." - Unkown "That sounds like a personal problem and not one of mine." - Angela Parker "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea or you're anxious to meet people who do." - Henry Kissinger "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." - Dan Rather "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'" - Arnold Schwarzenegger "A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." - Mahatma Gandhi "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everyting on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan." - George Burns "The aim of the liar is merely to charm, to delight, to give pleasure. He is the very basis of civilized society." - Oscar Wilde "The real proof that there is inteligent life in the universe is that none have tried to contact us." - Calvin, in Calvin and Hobbes "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." - Tiger Woods "Things you'll never hear a woman say: 'My, what an attractive scrotum!'" - Patricia Arguette "Speak softly, but carry a big stick." - Theodore Roosevelt "Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting, but never hit soft." - Theodore Roosevelt. "I read somewhere that 77% of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23% who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - Jerry Garcia "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." - Jack Nicholson "I am not a newspaper editor and I try always to do good so that God will not make me one." - Mark Twain Humor Page Main Page Email Me |