| Cop Jokes (Page 1) |
| DUMB CRIMINAL This one is true. It happened at my school. A kid stole the math teacher's textbook (the one with all the answers). The administration caught him rather quickly because this horrible student suddenly got all the answers on his homework right, except for three. He had written, "Student Answers May Vary." ------------------------ IN PRISON vs. AT WORK In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. At work, you spend the majority of your time in an 8x6 cubicle. In prison, you get 3 meals a day. At work, you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that yourself. In prison, you get time off for good behavior. At work, you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison, a guard unlocks and opens all the door for you. At work, you have to carry around a security card to open all the doors for yourself. In prison, you can watch TV and play games. At work, you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison, you get your own toilet. At work, you have to share. In prison, they allow your family and friends to visit. At work, you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison, all of the expenses are paid by the taxpayers, with no work required. At work, you pay all the expenses of going to work, and then they deduct part of your salary to pay for the prisoners. In prison, you spend most of your time looking through bars and wanting to get out. At work, you spend most of your time wanting to leave and go inside bars. In prison, you might have a warden who is mean and sadistic. At work, we call them supervisors. ------------------------- THINGS NEVER TO SAY WHEN PULLED OVER BY A POLICE OFFICER I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. Aren't you one of the Villiage People? Hey, you must've been doing 125 mph to keep up with me! Great job! I thought you had to be in relatively *good* physical condition to be a police officer. I was going to be a police officer, but I decided to finish high school instead. You aren't going to check the trunk, are you? Bad cop! No donut! Can I get another one of those full-cavity searches? Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS? Isn't it true people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's? You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand... I pay your salary! Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. That's great, Officer! The last three officers gave me warnings, too! I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You're the trained specialist! Well, you see, Officer, when I reached down to grab my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. Law Enforcement Humor Main Page Email Me |
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