Disclaimers:
Regretfully, I did not create the characters of Xena, Gabrielle, Eve, and
Violence: Only of the breastplate variety.
Language: Xena was a warlord so, yes, she may say a naughty word or two.
Sex: Yes, however, I don’t have the guts to make it all that graphic. It is between two females so be warned.
Feedback: This is my first story so please send any comments to [email protected]
“Who’s The Father?”
By Katie Burnett
I had just finished convincing my mother that a father was not necessary for a happy family and dealt quite lamely with her inquiry about the baby’s paternity when Gabrielle came into the spa room. Thankfully we found ourselves very alone. She grew concerned when I drew her into a huge bear hug after getting off of the table that mom had so recently occupied.
“Xena, what’s wrong? Are you feeling alright? It isn’t the baby is it?” she asked in rapid succession as my bard has a tendency to do.
“Honey, I’m fine and the baby is wonderful. I think it’s doing kicking drills actually. Since when do I need an excuse to hug the love of my life?” I replied rather testily. I was pregnant after all and pregnant women are known for rather emotional outbursts.
“Never. It’s just not very like you. I certainly love it though,” Gabrielle replied as she snuggled into my cleavage, well as much as she could without getting a breastplate imprint on her face.
“It’s just that mom has been hounding me about finding a father for the baby. I even sang a damn song for her. I may have finally gotten through to her that I have a wonderful family as it is. At least I hope I did. I don’t really think that this is the best time to tell her about us,” I responded while placing my cheek on Gabrielle’s blonde covered head.
“I was wondering why all those losers were coming up to you today.”
“Yeah, mother put out an ad. What was she thinking? Like I need help finding a man,” I spat out with a certain amount of venom.
“Xena! Since when are you looking for one!” Gabrielle screamed while pulling away from me with that adorable angry expression that I can’t get enough of, even if it is usually employed on me.
“Did I ever tell you that you are beautiful when you’re angry?” I asked with a huge grin.
“Don’t you go changing the subject,” my bard yelled back after placing her hands on those great hips. I couldn’t help but start laughing and all that got me was a punch on the shoulder.
“Hey, hey, hey. You don’t hit pregnant ladies, especially pregnant ladies carrying your child. And I have never been looking for a man, my mother has. I’ve got all the lovin’ I need right here,” I finished with a seductive whisper in Gabby’s ear before kissing the sensitive lobe.
“Oh you do, do you,” she murmured saucily. After taking a quick survey of the room to make sure we were indeed alone, I leaned down and pulled Gabrielle into a scorching kiss. When I felt her tongue enter my mouth I could have cared less if anyone had been there or not. Perhaps I should have.
Sometime later, I never can tell time when Gabrielle and I are making love, I found myself on my back on the floor of the room, sans breastplate, with my battling-bard between my legs. She was completely enveloped in my coat to give us some measure of privacy and was proving that her tongue and fingers are good for more than just telling and writing stories and punching people across the room. Not only does Gabrielle turn me on just fine, but doing it in public places is always exciting…especially when you are pregnant and feel like a slug. Needless to say my love was using her many skills to send me completely into orbit and I wouldn’t have noticed if an army had showed up in the room. Gabrielle’s senses have become finely tuned but they, too, were otherwise occupied at that moment. Therefore, we did not see or hear my mother come back into the spa to retrieve her forgotten purse.
I believe that this is approximately what she heard when she came around the corner and found my breastplate lying by the door. Gabrielle can get kind of overzealous and she does have a hell of an arm.
“Unnnnngh, a little…lower…uhhhhhh right there. UHHHHHHHHHHH. Gonna come. GAABBBB….RIIIIII…EEELLLEE! UHHHHHHHHH. By the Gods I love you. Uhhhhhhh. Gods, honey, stop it. We have things to do…uhhhh…and someone…oh fuck…might come in…unnngghh…at anytime.” Unfortunately, before she had a chance to respond someone else did.
“Xena!!!!” My mother was rooted in place holding my breast plate in both hands and with both eye brows raised almost to the back of her head. It took a second for the voice to register through the sensual haze as I carefully brought my head up from the position it had been thrown back in during the throes of passion and I cautiously opened two very heavy-lidded dark blue eyes. My thighs must have been covering Gabrielle’s ears and my coat keeping the sounds away from those gorgeous organs because she certainly wasn’t taking my lame pleas of stopping to heart or hearing my mom’s shocked gasp. Now, I would expect her to ignore my pathetic attempts to get her to desist but I imagine that she would have stopped and crawled under the first available rock if she had heard my mother.
Once Cyrene of Amphipolis saw that she had at least some of my attention she decided to speak again, although she was having trouble getting the words to leave her mouth. “Xena, I thought you said that you didn’t have a man and why are you calling out Gabrielle’s name. She must be down at the hall helping the performers prepare.” I’m sure that I gave her my ‘oh please, how blind can you possibly be’ look. Just then Gabrielle must have decided that it was odd that I suddenly stopped being characteristically vocal during her loving ministrations and the bard felt the need to speak up.
“Hey, sweetheart, are you alright? Don’t tell me that my warrior princess got laryngitis right before the big concert,” she asked semi-concerned and semi-peeved while popping her head out from under my coat. I could tell that mother heard the semi-muffled words because her eyes went even wider than they already were and she backed against the wall. My eyes went frantically down to my clueless lover and she got her cute wrinkle-nosed confused look before turning her head in the direction that I had been looking. She promptly groaned and retreated back into her safe cocoon. I could feel her kiss my inner thighs one more time and then pull my pants back up.
“Well, I guess that answered one of your questions, mom,” I stated sheepishly.
“Xe…you…and Gabrielle? How long? When? How?” she ended by pointing at my enormous belly. By this point I was sufficiently coherent to respond to the questions in order, even though knowing Gabrielle was still between my legs was somewhat distracting.
“Yes. Two and a half years. After the Furies. Angel,” I added with a bored tone and expression. This was not the first time I had had to explain these things lately. After Joxer confessed his undying love to Gabrielle we had to have a little heart to heart. During this brief exposition my bard had moved up and was communing with the baby so I patted her on the head through the coat to let her know it was ok to come out. I knew because my mother was not overly mad, just contemplating the new information.
“Hi, Cyrene,” Gabrielle said begrudgingly after crawling up my body and burying her head against my neck so she didn’t have to look at the older woman. I simply ran my fingers through the bard’s silky, short, blonde hair and waited for my mother to respond. When the woman just stood there with a slightly confused and slightly bemused look on her face, I decided to speak.
“Mom, do you understand now? This baby does have a father…she just happens to be a woman. I could never marry any of those losers you had after me all day. That would mean betraying Gabrielle and I could never do such a thing.” This seemed to bring my mother out of her temporary stupor.
“Hi,
dear. And yes I certainly do
understand. I guess I am just wondering
why you didn’t tell me. Did you think
that I would love either one of you less?
I have always loved you as another daughter, Gabrielle. You gave my other one back to me and I will
be forever in your debt for that,”
“You don’t
owe me anything,
“We had talked about telling you after traveling to Amphipolis to let you know about the baby but after hearing you go on and on about finding a father, telling you now didn’t seem very prudent,” I chimed in.
“Xena, I was just concerned that your child have two loving parents. And Gabrielle, please call me mom.” Gabrielle almost started to cry after hearing that. She hasn’t been high on her parents’ list of acceptable people for some time now.
“Thanks…mom. That means a lot to me,” the bard got out in a soft voice. I decided to break the moment and make things a little less awkward.
“Well, this has been…interesting…but we have a band contest to get to. Mom, can I have that back?” I asked pointing at the breastplate still clutched in my mother’s arms.
“Uh, sure, sweetheart. I’ll see you two over at the stage.” She gave a little smile and then retreated from the room. Once she was gone, Gabrielle and I looked at each for a few moments before the humor of the situation hit us and we burst out laughing. We quickly got dressed, pulled my sorry ass off of the floor, and indulged in one last kiss before heading towards the contest. And that is the story of how the legendary warrior princess’ mother found out about her intimate relationship with Gabrielle, the famous battling bard of Poteidaia.
“Well, Evie, what do you think of that story. I know it is not as good as your mommy’s but, hey, what is a warrior to do?” I ask as I hold my daughter in my arms in the middle of the night. Gabrielle is trying to get some sleep after a long day of protecting us from the gods’ cronies and Eve has decided to be as stubborn as her parents.
“Honey, was that a dream or did you just tell Evie about your mother catching us having sex?” Gabrielle asks sleepily sitting up on our bedroll.
“Uhhh, noooo, I just told her about mother catching us making love. There’s a difference,” I respond smugly.
“Yeah, whatever. You must like telling it because Eve’s asleep. Tuck her in, sweetie, and come to bed. I’m freezing here.”
“Alright, baby,” I reply, intentionally avoiding her accusation. “I think your mommy is just cranky, Evie, don’t mind her. Besides what’s the point of having such great sex if you can’t tell anyone about it every once in awhile…even a little person,” I coo to the baby as I tuck her into her furs. I think that I am cooing quietly but I again underestimate my partner’s hearing abilities because she smacks me against the back of the head before pulling me under the covers.
“Hey, what was that for?” I ask, feigning innocence.
“You know damn well what that was for! Telling a child about having great sex isn’t entirely appropriate. She already has to see us fighting all the time and listen to your fowl language,” Gabrielle scolds as she rests her head on my shoulder and intertwines our arms and legs.
“Yeah, well she needs to learn how to be a warrior someday,” I tease, earning a nibble on the neck for my efforts.
“Goodnight, warrior. And you can tell her another story in the morning because there is no way you are getting any,” the bard says before snuggling in for the rest of the night. That’s what I get for using my creative side once and awhile.
“Alright. Well I can tell her about that time we did it
in the middle of the Amazon village. Or
the time that Joxer caught us and didn’t even know what was going on…or…” a hand firmly clamps over my mouth, giving me
the cue to shut up. I simply kiss it and
pull my soul mate more securely against me.
What a life…a beautiful lover, a lovely daughter, and enough dirty
stories to fill the library at
THE END