Random Quotes by Me, Friends, Family, Etc.

 

Sam: Garfield, McKinley, Kennedy...wasn't there a fourth one?
Me: Lincoln.
Sam: Oh yeah, Lincoln...I knew that. (She was naming the presidents that had been assassinated.
"I'm not going to be a comparative politician; I'm going to be a lying politician." ~ Ryan K.
"I ordered the movie and the wrong one came in.  We were supposed to watch a movie called Drug Wars - The High Times...Unfortunately, there's a porno with the same name." ~ Professor Spraggins
"Due to a mistake with duplicate titles in the porn industry, the original movie is no longer." ~ Professor Spraggins
Mom: You know there's an easy way to fix this problem.
Ron: Learn Japanese?
Mom: I was gonna say buy a wide screen TV, but your idea works too.
(My mom and brother who are having difficulties reading the subtitles in the widescreen version of Pearl Harbor)
"I have no TV.  I have no computer.  It's like being Amish." ~ Me
"It's like the salsa from hell!" ~ Me trying the dipping sauce at an Indian restaurant
"Dude, when you started cheering for the Cubs, it all went to hell.  That's why we have a roach." ~ Sam
Sam: He plays table tennis!?
Me: He plays for the TWINS!
(We're talking about my least favorite player in baseball)
"Oh the cheapness fills me with glee." ~ Alison
"Eat my tag, bitch!" ~ Me describing Mark Buehrle's tag (4/10/04)
"We may have lost some players and have a new manager, but we're still awesome, bitch!" ~ Me talking about the 2004 White Sox (4/10/04)
"If only I could be impregnated by Johnny Depp." ~ Jenny K.
"That Aragorn can eat crackers in my bed anyday." ~ Lisa R. (My Cousin)

Why I Should Not Be Allowed to Watch Cubs Games (All These Quotes Come From One Game)
  • "The Scrubs had the bases loaded and they didn't score any runs!! AH HA HA HA!!!"
  • "Sammy Sosa...die bitch die"
  • "WOO! SOSA STRIKES OUT!! EAT DIRT, BITCH!"
  • "Ehhh, Dusty Baker...bite me!"
  • Me: Moises goes on my list.
    Emily: Make it easier on yourself, just put the whole team on the list.
    Me: They are...I'm moving Moises and Hollandsworth onto my 'Die Bitch Die' List
  • "1 out, 2 to go...and the bitch (Sosa) steps up...and he's out...sucka!"
  • "Oh crap! That was so close to a homerun! Damn it Corky!" (The Braves player was the one who almost hit the homerun, and Corky caught the ball)
  • "How do Cubs fans watch games and not be put to sleep by Chip and Steve (TV announcers)?"
  • "Here's Moses again...where did they trade Jesus to?"
  • "Damn it wind! Where were you on that one!?" (Braves came very close to hitting a homerun)
  • "Little bunny foo foo hopping through the forest...Scooping up the Cubbies and boppin' 'em on the head."
  • "Intentional Walk!? You wimps!!"
  • "Wow..Cubs have 10 hits...that's pathetic...10 hits, 1 run...loooosers"
  • "Ha! He was out! Sucka!"
  •  "Shit, Cubs scored! Somebody call I-X-I-I !"
  • "The Scrubs have silver jackets too...Sox wannabes!"
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