What's going on with me?

12-29-05 - I had a great weekend. Despite being home with the family for an extended period of time, which would annoy almost anyone (and I�m talking about their respective families, not with mine), it was surprisingly pleasant.

I started the weekend by working half a day on Wednesday and then traveling to Nashville to spend the afternoon with Ashley. We had a grand old time and did a variety of things, including visiting the infamous fish. We took each other�s picture on it. She did the pose I was gonna do, so I reverted back to the original pose that has become famous in the past year and a half.

I went home that night and played some DDR and Tetris Attack (which has nothing to do with Tetris, for those not in the know) with various family members. I saw just about everyone I wanted to see while I was down there, as well as plenty of people I didn�t want to see.

I spent probably close to half a day on the phone with Ashley, having all sorts of good conversations. Heck, we were on the phone for five hours in one night with a 10-or-so minute break after about two hours. It reminded me of my middle school days. When I got back to my apartment, I checked how many minutes I�d used for this billing cycle. Of my 450 any time minutes, I�d used around 360 or 370, which is the closest I�ve ever come to using them all. I still have a week and a half to go, also. Of my unlimited nights and weekend minutes, I�d used a whopping 1151 of them. Holy crap! I laughed when I saw that number.

At some point I went to McDonald�s with Wrenn. We chopped the arms and toes off Edmund from the Chronicles of Narnia.

I visited my next door neighbor one night and I watched A Christmas Story with her and her boyfriend. I�d been told a couple days before by Ty (a guy I work with) that I absolutely needed to see it. I thoroughly enjoyed that movie. When it started its 24-hour run on TBS the next night, I let it run through a couple times while I was on the phone. It was muted, but I still enjoyed it.

The best Christmas present I got was a certain portion of a conversation. It�s nice when the best things in life aren�t material things.

When it came time to head back from my old home to my new home, I stopped in Murfreesboro to visit Rachael, who I hadn�t seen in months. I love spending time with her, as she�s tons of fun. I find that amusing, because you can spell �tons of fun� using all of the letters in her last name and duplicating a couple of them. She told me that she'd have my Andre 2213 video from my videos page as her screensaver if she could figure out how to do it.

I bought the PC game The Movies a couple nights ago. The game itself kinda sucks, but is tolerable. I�m not good at it. Once I get far enough into it to where I have everything unlocked, though, I�ll be able to make my own little movies with the Sim-ish people in it. I hope it�s as good as the reviews say it is. We�ll see.

New Year�s Eve is shaping up to look like it might be a decent night. I got invited to two parties in Columbia. I got invited to hang out with Ashley and her friends in Nashville. I got invited to two parties in Knoxville. I think I�m gonna refrain from traveling, though, and stay up here. Juliana is having a party and I�m gonna hit that one for a little bit before I head on to Ethan�s. I think he�s planning on having a bonfire, which should be fun. It�s always fun to hang out with him and Kelly, and maybe I�ll be able to meet some of his friends from around here.

Speaking of knowing people up here, this guy Josh is going to start a co-op stint about 15 or 20 miles from me in a few weeks. Why�s that significant? I haven�t seen the dude since I was in fourth grade! He used to rent the house next door to me. I�ve seen one of his brothers periodically and saw the other one on occasion when he worked at Kroger, but I haven�t seen him. We�ll probably get together at some point.

This is more than likely going to be the last post of the year. Be safe, don�t drink to excess, don�t drink and drive, don�t use your cruise control in snow or rain.

12-18-05 - What would happen if an Amish person got struck by lightning?

So on Friday I went with my friends Melissa and Nicole to the SubWay where the "SubWay Spank" video on my videos page took place. As we were walking up, I realized we were there and I told them so. We walked in and I noticed that the dude that did the spanking was there, working the cash register. When we got to him, I asked if he'd spanked the dude with the bread tray recently, and he didn't know what I was talking about. I reminded him about it and he remembered me as the guy that was filming it. He informed me that the guy that got spanked doesn't work there any more, as he's in jail for stabbing his boyfriend. That explains why he was so ready to bend over and accept the punishment of his fellow employee, I guess.

About a month and a half ago, I was in Cookeville visiting, as I do. I went to Applebee's with Michelle, her roommate Katie, and this guy named Nick. I kinda said something stupid that made the waiter laugh right off the bat, and he offered us a free appetizer. Later that night, we were at Hollywood Video and Michelle and Katie were wanting to rent a movie, but didn't have active accounts and they didn't wanna fill out new forms and everything, so the guy at the counter was nice and offered to let them use his card. While he was getting everything ready, I said something to him that could've pissed him off, but instead made him laugh and he let them have the rental for free. Because of these two things happening in one night, they swore that I must have some sort of gift for getting free things. It might be true. In the time since, I've gotten a few free things between luck and just being friendly with random people. At Burger King in Columbia, I ordered a small strawberry shake, like I always do. Mandy, the manager, made it and then looked up and saw me and said, "This must be yours," since she knows I always get it. At the same time another manager (one I didn't know) was making one and she sat it on the counter. They both looked confused and then both told me to just take it. Two for one. At work a couple weeks ago, I won a free $50 dinner to the restaurant of my choice. It seems like I'm leaving something else out, but there's one more thing in the following paragraph.

So today, I won free tickets to an advance screening of Jim Carrey's new movie Fun with Dick and Jane, I think it's called. The similarities to the last time I won tickets to an advance screening are uncanny, and I think it might prove that time is cyclical. Both times, it was on a Saturday. Both times, I was caller 4 and then caller 9. Both times, I was sitting at the intersection of Weisgarber and Papermill pointed in the same direction. I find it odd. Anyway, the movie's on Tuesday and Carol Linn and I are going to see it. Speaking of her, it's time for a 3:15 am trip to Steak and Shake.

12-11-05 - I'm very upset. I tend to value what my friends think. One of my friends is sending that down the crapper. Apparently there's something wrong with meeting people and trying to make new friends. I have been in this big city that's new, strange, and intimidating to me for nearly 6 1/2 months. I can count the number of new people I hang out with on one hand (and nerds, that means fewer than 6 people, not fewer than 32).

I HAVE to meet people somehow. I just have to. Anybody that knows me knows how I absolutely need the couple of relatively close friends I always have. Sure, I've still got several of them in Cookeville, but visiting there once a month doesn't do it for me.

Living in an apartment in some random place is completely different from living in a dorm on campus. In the dorm, you're surrounded by people in the same situation as you: no one knows anybody and everyone is eager to make friends. You leave your door open and random people walk by and see you playing a game, hear you listening to music, or spot the show you're watching, so they pop in and say hi and express their mutual interest to you, much to your amazement. If you can't make friends in a dorm, you're doing something wrong.

I know it can be argued that the similar may be true for an apartment complex, but I'm too shy when it comes to new people in certain situations, and this is one of them. I can't just knock on the door and say, "Hi, I live here now. Let's do lunch." I don't even know what my neighbors look like.

I'm not involved with anything. I don't go to a church. I'm in no other sort of organization. I auditioned for a play Tuesday, and the results STILL haven't been posted on the website, so I don't know if I'm involved in that, either. A few months ago, I got invited to a few places with someone from work, but that didn't produce any new friends. Friday night, I got invited to a poker game of someone from work with other people from work. That was fun and I hope we do stuff like that again.

I have to make a few friends to make others. The best way to meet people is through people. Everything above exhausts every possibility...except one - meeting people online. It's no secret that I've met a few people from MySpace and other sites in the past few months. I've met four people in Knoxville (I've met others elsewhere - and the person that's making the biggest stink about all this has sat and had a good, long chat with someone that I met online...hmmm, how odd...). I don't talk to two any more, one has been trailing off lately, and the other (Carol Linn) is a good person that I enjoy hanging around.

Now I know there's some aversion to meeting strange people online, but you need to realize a few things:
- I'm a normal person and there are 39247256934564 people on MySpace. Surely some of them are normal, non-murderers also.
- Meeting anybody by any means constitutes some sort of danger. If I was gonna kill someone, I could be just as likely kill someone I've known for years and met in person as I could be to kill someone I met two hours ago on MySpace or any other site.
- If I do get killed by some random online person (*rolls eyes*), then you can take satisfaction in knowing that you were right.
- No one complained when I met and made friends with Jasmine back in March. Sure, I met her in person, but I got to know her online. Actually, I've only been around her a handful of times. I'd like to hang out with her more, but I'm content just knowing her. How is that situation ok, but doing it in the reverse order is bad? (Wait a minute, I just realized something...the person making the big stink is also someone that fits this format...I should stop talking to that person, cuz I could be killed since we got to know each other online!)
- Think about yourself. Now think about everyone you are friends with. Now think about all the other people that you are aware of, but don't really "know." Eliminate the people that don't use the internet. Did the number drop? Maybe by a few, but that's it. That means a crapload of people you know use the internet, and probably use it for some sort of communication with friends or random people. Alright, now subtract out the people that are killers or are in any way dangerous. Did the number go down at all? Do I need to continue along this path to make my point?

The fact of the matter is that I'm not the one that should be scared of hanging out with Carol Linn, she should be scared of me. I've met several of her friends. They're normal enough. Why does that mean she's a killer? But she's met none of mine. As I described above, though, there's no one to introduce her to if I had a reason to subject her to my friends. She's smarter than that, though, and through conversation on AIM and in person, knows that I'm just a normal dork who needs to shave his face more often and wear better clothes and get more sleep. That's what everyone knows.

If I was gonna kill someone (and if I am thinking of this hypothetically, then surely there are others that are, right Rachael?), I'd kill someone I just met. In a case like that, I would be someone that none of his/her family or friends knew existed and there'd be no motive. Among other things, those are two ingredients of what Rachael describes as the perfect murder. I made it through the first meeting with each of the four people I met (and with all but one, there have been subsequent meetings). That's the only one that should really be worrisome.

[I just sent this paragraph to Rachael and she informed me that I misquoted her, and I knew that...blast! You're more likely to be killed by someone who knows you well than someone that you've just met. Keeping that in mind, I think the rest of what I'm saying probably holds true for the most part.]

Anyway, enough of that - now onto the locale where I met Carol Linn and her friends early this morning. We went to Bailey's at a little before 1. Apparently, there's something wrong with leaving that late at night and going to hang out IN A PUBLIC PLACE with people I don't know, being friends of someone I do know. They hang out in a bar on occasion, which, apparently, makes them barflies. If The Simpsons has taught me anything (and it hasn't), it's that barflies are people WHO NEVER FREAKING LEAVE! Lordy. I was advised not to do something I might later regret. I wish I'd heeded that advice, cuz those two glasses of water I drank while sitting there having a good time nearly made me pee my pants.

I'm glad that I'm apparently seen as better than "hanging out in bars with strange women in the middle of the night." If you remove the word "strange" from that sentence, it suddenly becomes ok. Well, none of them were strange, so I did nothing wrong. Also, it was one bar. No plural needed. There were other guys there, as well. Either way, I like myself and though I may act otherwise, it's very rare that I think myself better than other people (a year and a day ago? What?), so every once in a while, it's nice to "lower" myself to other people's standards and GET MYSELF OUT OF THE FREAKING APARTMENT and into the company of NEW (!!!!!!) people!!!!

Doing this, I agree, is completely unlike me. That's part of what made it so fun! I'm glad I'm expanding myself, though, and doing it without being completely reckless. Maybe it was just thought that I can't go into a bar without partaking in all of the activities myself. Like I said, I had two waters. Sure, my clothes now smell like smoke, but that's not the first time that's happened. I'll wash them, Febreze them, whatever them.

I'm meeting new friends in an unsafe and unattractive manner. Unsafe? Nah. Like I said, it was a public place...a very public place, mind you. Unattractive? Well, I kinda hope that's true in some cases. Sorry, but I do.

For the record, I haven't spent any money on dating sites or anything. I'm only trying to meet people on MySpace and other such networking sites.

I do take pride in the quality of people that I surround myself with, but looks and whatever aren't everything. If I meet someone and hang around with him once and I'm not pleased with the "quality" of the person, I simply don't hang around with that person again. You've just gotta meet people to make that determination, though.

I'm kinda upset that some of my other friends are supposedly looking down on my methods for meeting people. If people that already have a ton of friends are meeting people this way, though, then maybe there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing. Try to wrap your head around that one. I wish my other friends that are thinking this would say something to me about it, though, so I know for sure that (A) they exist and do think that (2) they can discuss their disapproval of the situation with me and not just gossip behind my back and (D) I can ease their worries about it, if the above hasn't done it already. I do care about the respect of my friends, but if my friends "lose respect" for me over the fact that I'm trying to make new friends, then they aren't the kind of people I need to surround myself with. They are the people that I am better than. Got that?

Supposedly people I meet online can't be "real" friends. At Bailey's last night, I accidentally bumped into a couple people during the course of my time there. Well, I didn't pass through them. I assume they're not holographic.

"Brave, fearless, or stupid enough to say it"? I'd say all three, but mostly (and by far) the latter.

I think all of this disapproval is unfounded - or simply founded on jealousy. It would be so easy and I'm so tempted to say it's only jealousy, but the simple fact is that it could go the other way.

In case you couldn't determine, most of the last half of what you just read is in response to a diatribe I was subjected to early this morning while I was trying to enjoy myself. In some sick way, it kinda made me enjoy the night even more, but we'll leave it at that. To that person, I say that this whole thing is a non-issue. There is no reason to discuss it and it will not be discussed with you by me other than the words in this post. I don't need you trying to be my parent. I already have two. This whole thing started just because you wanted my attention to be on you while it was on someone else. That's upsetting. I'm sorry I gave it to you.

For the most part, I'm glad I've met the people I've met, whether they're online people or "real" ones. I really don't like making things such as this public - things that are in somewhat of a mean spirit and are directed at one or two people. Like I mentioned earlier, the last time I recall doing this was a year and a day ago (I was hoping it was exactly a year ago, that would've been kinda neat). I'm going to keep meeting people online as long as I have to, and there'll probably be others that just randomly come along at other points in my life, too.

The fact of the matter is that a ton of people use the internet. A small percentage are killers. The odds are overwhelmingly in your favor. If you're smart about it, they're even more in your favor. I know I've only been saying "killers" and have been ignoring thieves and rapists and the like. It's just easier to restrict myself to one. Also, being a guy, I can pretty much throw out one of those categories, which puts the odds even more in my favor simply because I'm a guy.

It makes me feel good that the people that have trusted me enough to meet me have done so. Though I may not talk to them all that often (if I still do at all), at least it broke the monotony of what I call my current life. To those few people I'm referring to: Thank you. I honestly mean that. Thank you.

If you feel any of this was directed at you and you're upset, then please say something about it because except for one person, I don't know who I'm writing this to.

12-5-05 - David came to visit me the day after Thanksgiving. Much fun was had by all. It's always good to hang out with him. I got a ton of great quotes from my profile, which was expected.

I'm auditioning for a play tomorrow. All I know about it is that it's a non-musical comedy that's never been done before. I don't have to prepare a monologue or anything, I just have to show up and do a cold reading. Here's hoping I get a decent part!

I hate that I just can't open up to people that I need to open up to. There are a couple that I can think of that this applies to and it really bothers me. I also hate how I act around some people. I tend to be a jerk for seemingly no reason. Sometimes I do things without thinking. I hate upsetting people. I hate feeling guilty about things, even if they're not my fault. I don't know what else to say about that.

My new guitar has a few strings that buzz, so I'm gonna take it back Wednesday or so to see what they can do with it. They may just switch it out. Either way, I hope they don't charge me since it's only been a couple weeks and it was like that the first time I played it.

I hate when I feel like I have a ton of things to relay, but I either draw a blank or something happens that drowns those other things out. Right now, both of those things are happening.