Abbey was on her way to the meeting she had set up with Ron when Amy caught up with her in the residence. Her chief of staff was prattling on about the CDC budget, something that Abbey supposed she had been interested in at one point, before her world had turned upside down and inside out. Now, for the life of her she couldn't concentrate on what Amy was saying, it was just a bunch of white noise in the background of her thoughts about what she wanted to discuss with Ron. It was the expectant look on Amy's face when she had finished speaking that made Abbey realize that she was not the same person that she had been at the beginning of the week. She could see that the staff was expecting her to just pull herself together and get back to work as if nothing had happened. They had all been able to do that, but she couldn't. Something had happened that had fundamentally changed her. Her priorities had changed in a very big way and going back to business as usual was going to be impossible for her.

"Amy, you're going to have to handle things a little while longer for me. I trust you, that's why I hired you." She turned and entered the sitting room where Ron was waiting for her.

"Sorry if I kept you waiting, Ron." She apologized.

"Its fine, ma'am."

"Well, you know I wanted to discuss the changes that you've made regarding the safety of my children."

"Yes, ma'am. I've spoken with the President."

"Yes, and now you're speaking with me."

Ron cleared his throat at the sharp tone clearly unused to this side of the First Lady. "Well, really the big changes will come with Zoey since when Aislinn and Nicholas leave the White House it is generally with you or the President. We have upped the detail on you to nearly what we have on the President and when you have the children there will be an additional 6 agents, three for each child. We're going to double Zoey's detail, agents flanking her just like the President."

"No more running out for yogurt?" "We're going to need three days notice for side sweeps and background checks for anyone she may come in contact with."

"I'm going to need a minute to process this." Abbey gave him an apologetic half smile. Just thinking about what this was going to do to Zoey was enough to give her pause. Her daughter deserved her privacy and the little bit of freedom that she'd had before the kidnapping. Now it was going to be like being on house arrest for the young woman.

"I do have one question."

"Yes?"

"How would you compare the residence and the farm?"

"In terms of security?"

"Yes."

"Well, you're aware we have the farm continually secure. It doesn't have bulletproof windows or a crashproof gate. Here we're in a fortress. On the other hand the White House is a target. Ground zero."

"Thank you," Abbey nodded. "And Ron," Abbey stopped him as he was about to depart the room.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you for everything."

"Ma'am?"

"For finding me�For Khaleel"

Ron thought of the very satisfying shot that he had made to the terrorists groin. The shot was all the more satisfying as he watched the aftermath of Khaleels work, watched this wonderfully strong woman having to grapple with her pain and fear. He wasn't going to pretend that he didn't know what she was talking about.

"You're welcome." He nodded and left the room. He bumped into Leo in one of the halls.

"Ron? I thought we had a meeting with the First Lady."

"She moved it up. We've already met." Ron flashed him a puzzled look. He'd assumed Leo had been informed.

It took Leo a moment to swallow the fact that Abbey had blatantly snubbed him. "I'd like a copy of your security report."

"Of course."

"Anything I should know?"

"She asked me about securing the farm."

"She's going to the farm?"

"You'll have to ask her about that."

"Thank you, I will."

****

Abbey was staring out the window deeply lost in thought. As she peered out at the now empty gardens she could still see all the flashbulbs popping and hear the reporters shouting questions out at both she and Zoey. They were in a frenzy, like sharks at feeding time and there was no way they were going to be happy until they knew everything, every minute detail of their captivity. Flashing in her minds eye were the embarrassed and concerned looks on the faces of people like Glen Allen Walken, Admiral Fitzwallace, Nancy McNally, all those people who had been present in the situation room witnessing what she considered her humiliation at the hands of Hassan Al Khaleel. There was nothing Abbey hated more than being pitied.

"Abbey?"

The hand on her shoulder was strong and masculine and Abbey froze. Panic ripped at her, deep deep inside. She wanted to run but felt frozen in that spot, her legs suddenly weak with terror. Her vision blurred and she knew that she had to inhale but somehow she couldn't remember how to breathe. Her heart began to pound erratically and for one instant she was back in that dark room in the trailer, Khaleel grasping at her threatening her.

"Please�stop touching me�don't do this to me"

Horror filled Leo's eyes at Abbey's terrorized reaction to his touch. "Abbey." He turned her so she faced him. "It's me. It's Leo. I'm not going to hurt you."

Abbey yanked away from him pressing her back into the wall. It damn near broke Leo's heart to see her wet eyelashes and the tears pooling in her beautiful hazel eyes.

Abbey focused on the man before her. Through the clouded mess that was her mind she knew that it was Leo, not Khaleel and she knew that he was not going to hurt her but she couldn't keep her body from shaking with the residual fear of that hand on her shoulder.

"Abbey, are you all right?" He moved forward to grasp her shoulders.

"I'm fine," Abbey flinched from him. "Just�please don't touch me."

"Okay, honey," Leo lifted his hands in the air. " I'm not touching you. Should I get Jed?"

Now that her panic was receding Abbey was embarrassed by her reaction to Leo. "No�no, Leo. I told you I'm fine."

Sure you are, Leo thought. She certainly didn't look fine. Her face had gone white as a sheet and her hands were shaking, her eyes still radiating fear. Those bastards had really worked her over.

Wanting nothing more than to be alone with her fears, Abbey sat on the couch staring straight ahead, hoping he would leave. She knew he was going to be angry about her taking the kids and leaving Jed right now and while she was spoiling for that fight she wasn't sure she had the energy to deal with it. "What are you doing here anyway?" She finally asked when she realized that he wasn't leaving.

"I came for the meeting we were supposed to have. I hadn't heard that you were thinking about New Hampshire. That might be for the best."

Abbey didn't want nor need his approval. "I moved the meeting up because I didn't want you here." She looked him directly in the face. The urge to lash out at him right now was very strong.

"In the meeting?"

"In the residence." She wanted him to hurt just as much as she was hurting. He was just as much to blame for what happened to she and the girls as Jed was. She knew that assassination would never have been in Jed's vocabulary, that one had Leo written all over it. She took a small flicker of satisfaction at the surprise and pain on Leo's face at the knowledge that she wanted to cut him out of their lives at the moment, then saw the slow acceptance of that.

"Yeah," Leo agreed. The guilt at seeing little Aislinn and Zoey, and then later Abbey had eaten at him for days now. He deserved Abbey's cutting anger and he knew it. She had been through hell because of him, because of a decision that he had forced down Jed's throat. "I've been trying to�Well, I thought you'd need some space."

His understanding didn't cut it with Abbey. Too much had happened for her just to forgive and forget. Her daughters had very nearly been killed.

"My girls are back. They're safe. They're going to stay safe."

"We all want what's best for you and the girls."

"You laid us open." Anger was replaced by hurt now. Leo was her husband's best friend, he'd been a close friend of hers for over 30 years, he was Zoey's godfather, and he had done this to them. "You laid me and my daughters wide open and God knows what else is out there."

"There's nothing else," Leo assured her.

"I swear to God, Leo, don't." Abbey's voice dripped with bitterness. "It's been 72 hours. Have you seen my little girls arm in a cast? Have you seen Zoey hobbling around on her crutches? Have you looked at my face? And those are just the physical scars, Leo. For Goddsake don't ask me to trust you."

Leo tried to mask the pain of her words but he understood completely why she didn't trust him. "I'm not."

"And don't think you took the bullet. I blame Jed. He did this."

Abbey rose to her feet. Leo stared after her departing form his chest aching with pain. If only it was that simple. He wished that he WAS taking the bullet for Jed. He knew that Abbey's anger was masking a soul deep pain at having to blame her husband for the kidnapping and he knew the horrible agony her accusations were going to cause his friend. More than any time, Jed and Abbey needed each other but with Abbey leaving for New Hampshire he was afraid the wedge between them would only grow bigger and bigger.

****

"Sir, do you have a moment?" Charlie entered the oval office where the President was just getting off the phone. Jed had kept himself busy all day working on finding a vice president. It was something that was imperative that he do but also kept him from thinking about what Abbey had asked of him that morning.

"You don't want to be vice president, do you?"

"No"

"Then you can stay."

"It's about Zoey."

That got Jed's attention. He gazed up from his folder. "Something happen?"

"She had trouble talking to Will."

"Really?" Jed was surprised. "Cause she was fearless with the press."

"Yes, sir. She does that."

Jed's mind quickly flashed to the nightmare that he'd had that morning of a very young Zoey on horseback fearlessly leaping fences in the paddock at the farm. "You've said this before."

"Sir?"

But Jed was not in the oval office anymore. He was remembering Charlie's first visit to the farm and he, Charlie and Abbey grinning and watching Zoey jump fences on her horse.

(Bartlet Farm, NH 1999)

"Look at that, she's fearless." Jed was beaming with pride.

"She puts up a good front," Charlie said.

At the time his words went completely over Jed's head, he was too engrossed in his paternal pride. "Name one thing, one thing my little girl's afraid of."

(Oval office present day)

"She knows you like to see her strong." Charlie continued. She thinks what happened was her fault."

'I wasn't scared, daddy' How many times had Zoey said that to him? Had he inadvertently forced her to put up a good front? Were there times that she had been afraid but had forced herself to be brave because it would gain his fatherly pride? If she had felt that way it was certainly not something that he had done on purpose.

"Her mother wants to take her back to New Hampshire for awhile. Well, her and the twins. What do you think?"

Charlie thought of all the pressures that Zoey would face if she tried to heal on display at the White House. "I think her Mama's right."

Jed had known that Abbey was right, but hearing it from Charlie as well forced him to come to the conclusion that he was going to have to let them go. It wasn't going to be easy by any means but he was going to have to set aside his own feelings and do what was right and what was best for his family.

****

Abbey returned to the residence more convinced than ever that leaving the White House was the right decision for both the children and for herself. Leo's visit had convinced her of that. She couldn't bear for others to witness the reaction that she'd had to being startled. She couldn't stand being under the microscope that she would be under if she remained behind. She couldn't stand the idea that Zoey wasn't going to be able to move without being surrounded by secret service agents.

She wanted her children to be able wander relatively freely through the woods and fields of the farm. She wanted Zoey to have her old friends surrounding her to support her and talk to her. She wanted to be able to deal with her own fears and help her children without the scrutiny she would be under in the White House. Most of all she needed to place some distance between she and Jed and the anger that she was feeling right now. At the farm she could ride over the fields and hike in the mountains and try to heal her wounds and come to terms with things.

When Jed found Abbey she was in the nursery. The kids were playing on the floor working on wooden puzzles while she packed for them. She was counting out pants, shirts, and socks. Jed knew that this was not going to be a weekend trip when he saw her packing the little pink Disney princess panties she had bought Aislinn and the Spiderman underwear that Nicholas had asked for. They had agreed to give it a month or so and let the kids adjust before they attempted potty training again. Both had reverted back to full time diapers. Seeing her packing the underwear made their leaving a stark reality. This was not just a quick visit. They would be there for a while.

"I see you've made the decision to leave."

Jed hated the way she jolted with panic when she was startled. It was why he had spoken from the doorway, not entered the room to touch her. He watched her shoulders stiffen, could almost see the wall she was erecting around herself. "I have to go, Jed."

"I know."

Leo had told Jed about their earlier run in. He knew that Abbey was leaving because she truly believed that it was best for the children and a good mother always put her children first. But, he also knew that there was another part of this that she refused to admit, maybe even to herself. Abbey was a strong woman, it was not easy for her to ask for help and she didn't like for others to see her vulnerabilities and her fears. He knew that part of her reason for leaving was so that she could retreat to the privacy of their home and lick her wounds in private and he couldn't blame her for that. He felt the same way. He never liked for anyone to bear witness to any weakness on his part. However, in the past, at least they had revealed those fears to each other. That wasn't going to happen this time. He could already see Abbey closing off to him; she was not going to let him in this time.

"I'll let Zoey know that I'm behind your decision."

"Thank you." The words were stilted but Abbey really was grateful. Zoey was "daddy's girl" and if she thought for one moment that her mother was dragging her off to New Hampshire against her fathers wishes she would fight her tooth and nail. It was important that they were together on this.

Jed found his daughter in the living room packing clothes that Abbey had piled on the chairs for her.

"I can't believe you're doing this," Zoey said.

"We've talked about going up to the farm for a long time."

"Later on, all together."

Jed's head went down. It was hard not to agree with her there. He wished they were all going together.

"You guys ganged up on me." Zoey flashed her mother an irritated look as Abbey entered the room with more clothes. She wasn't stupid. She was well aware of the tension between her parents and hated the idea of leaving her father behind at the White House alone.

"That's right." Jed's eyes were on Abbey not on Zoey as if trying to stay in her good graces. "Your mother and I are a united front so don't' even bother."

Abbey dropped the pants she was bringing out to Zoey and gave Jed a look that told him she knew exactly what he was trying to do. Jed got to his feet to help Zoey with her packing.

"Come on this is going to be good."

Abbey paused in the doorway looking back to see what he was going to say.

"You'll have the orchard to walk in when your ankle is healed and you can ride Lance." He held a pile of clothes out to Zoey but was looking at Abbey when he spoke as if to gauge her reaction. "I'll be up as soon as I can. There's only one thing you have to do for me. Give yourself time. Don't try to rush this."

Abbey knew that his words were meant for her as well as their daughter. It was his way of getting across his blessing for their trip. She turned to leave the room.

"There was a hand in the dark." Zoey said her voice wavering with emotion. "He would come to us in the dark. I woke up when he touched me and I found him�" Her eyes looked to where her mother had departed and knew it was not up to her to tell her father what had happened to her mother. "Well�you know."

Jed's eyes followed his daughter's to the empty doorway knowing what she had left unsaid. "Yeah, I know." He only wished he did. Abbey had never really told him what had happened to her during her captivity.

"When I start to fall asleep it comes back."

Jed swallowed reigning in his own emotions. "We're going to help you," he assured her. "We're all going to help you."

Zoey nodded and Jed watched her shoulders stiffen bravely and Charlie's words came back to haunt him.

"You have to do me a favor though, sweetheart. Don't bottle up your fears with me. Your mother isn't the only person that you can open up with. You don't always have to be strong for me. I love you no matter what and I'm here for you if you need me. I'm just a phone call and a two hour flight away."

Zoey smiled through her tears and impulsively hugged her father. "I love you too, dad."

Jed held her extra tight for a few long moments, enjoying the feel of her in his arms and knowing that it might be a long time before he got such a hug again.

****

Leaving the White House had not been easy. Abbey had not expected it to be. But, it had been even more difficult than she had been prepared for. Nicholas had clutched onto Jed's neck crying that he wanted his daddy to come with them and by the time Abbey could pry him off both she and Jed were close to tears. Now Aislinn was clutching onto her mother's skirt and regarding her father with big sad eyes one tear trickling down her cheek.

Oh, baby, you're breaking my heart, Jed thought. But to his credit he swallowed his pain and crouched down before her with a forced bright smile. "Don't be sad, sunshine. Daddy is going to come up for a visit as soon as I can. You're going to have a lot of fun playing outside with Max and Panda and you can feed the ducks and help mommy pick apples."

Aislinn nodded and wrapped her arms around her father's neck Jed held her tightly burying his face into her hair inhaling her little girl scent. For so long he had wondered if he would ever hold her again like this and now he was losing her again.

"Jed." Abbey gently touched his shoulder reluctant to tear them apart. "We have to leave."

"I know." He cleared his throat of the tears that were clogging there. "Before you go I have something for Aislinn. He pulled a whistle out of his pocket and placed it around her neck. Aislinn fingered the whistle and flashed him a puzzled look.

"This is so you can talk to me on the phone when I call. I'll ask you questions and if you want to say yes you blow the whistle twice. If you want to answer no you blow the whistle once. Okay?"

Aislinn smiled and nodded then frowned as she looked down at the whistle. Jed could see she was worried.

"It's okay if you forget the code. Mommy will remind you. Right?" He turned to Abbey who was struggling with her emotions over the father/daughter moment.

Abbey nodded, a lump forming in her throat. She might be angry but she wasn't going to come between her children and their father.

"Me too, daddy?" Nicholas asked hopefully.

"You know I wouldn't forget you, sport." Jed handed the boy a whistle and ruffled his hair.

"Let's remember that those whistles are to be used when you talk to daddy on the phone not to play with. We're supposed to be going away for a little peace and quiet." Abbey gave Jed a wry smile. Jed gave her a little shrug then bent to help her buckle the kids into their car seats. When they were finished they both stood by the car awkwardly. Jed wanted to hug her but wasn't sure how receptive she would be to that. Instead he shuffled his feet looking down at the ground.

"Keep me posted on how things are going with the girls."

"Of course."

"I love you." He bent to kiss her cheek lightly. Abbey nodded through her tears and turned to get into a car that was filled with two dogs, a cat carrier, the two kids in their car seats and Zoey. Once inside the car Zoey lay sideways on the seat, her head in Abbey's lap. Abbey absently stroked her hair as the car drove away from the White House. Away from Jed.

Her guilt was crushing. She found it hard to breathe properly. She dug her fingernails into her palms hard, breaking the skin as if needing penance for the look in her husband's eyes when she'd told him she was leaving with the children. Closing her eyes she leaned her head back against the seat trying to block his face from her memory.

Jed watched the motorcade leave the White House. The initial shock of Abbey leaving had worn off leaving him hurt and angry and, yes, even lost. He was angry that Abbey was shutting him out when it was so obvious that she needed him. He was angry about what happened to her and Zoey and Aislinn. He was angry that his girls had been hurt so badly simply because they had the misfortune of being loved by him. But, beyond the anger was pain. A raw empty pain that left him feeling as if his heart were being torn from his chest. It was a pain like had never felt before, as if everything he loved in the world was driving away from him and leaving him completely alone and on his own. Hell, Abbey had even taken the cat and he didn't even like the cat. A heavy pervasive loneliness settled over his shoulders and he re-entered the residence his, back hunched, his eyes weary and his heart as heavy as it had ever been before. Was this the end? Was he losing his wife, his family? Would Abbey ever find it in her heart to forgive him?

The End