Abbey stared at the television in shock. The words had hit her like a kick to the stomach and literally knocked the wind out of her. She heard the ensuing questions and answers about the event muffled, as if she were at the end of a tunnel. The logistics didn't matter because she was still trying to wrap her mind around what she still found unbelievable. Jed; her husband, her lover, her best friend, the father of her children had ordered the death of another human being. He had used his power to order an assassination. An assassination that had led to his own family being abducted in revenge. Azim Shareef's words came back to haunt her.

"And you, Mrs. Bartlet. What do you think of your husband hiring assassins to do his dirty work?"

"My husband doesn't hire assassins."

"I beg to differ. Your husband hired an assassin to kill my brother, Abdul Shareef."

"You're lying."

Oh, God, Abbey despaired. He hadn't been lying.

"I just have to sign a couple of papers and I can break you free." Jed came bounding into the room and stopped abruptly at the look on his wife's face. She looked like she had seen a ghost.

"Was there something you wanted to tell me?" Her voice was cold. So very, very cold."

Jed looked up at the TV and saw Abdul Shareefs face. His heart sank to his stomach and his pulse began to race. This was the moment he'd been dreading for over a year.

"Abbey?"

"It isn't true, is it? Tell me it isn't true."

"I'm sorry you had to hear about it on television."

A part of her had been desperately praying that he would deny it all. That everything had been done behind his back, but another part of her knew that she was grasping at straws for deep in her heart she knew exactly when this had happened.

"Why should today be any different?"

"Abbey" Jed took a step toward her reaching his hand out as if to comfort her.

"Don't." Abbey flinched and stepped back from him. "I don't want you to touch me."

Jed froze at her tone. "Abbey, please. I can explain."

"EXPLAIN!" She exploded. "I think the time for explanations was over a year ago. I remember the night now, Jed. I remember the night that you had him killed. I left New York because Nicky was sick I went back to Maryland. You showed up the next morning, emotionally drained and desperate. You used me."

"Abbey, it wasn't like that."

"Oh, it was EXACTLY like that. You wanted comfort and reassuring words and I GAVE them to you. God I let you FUCK me right there on the kitchen table because I knew that was what you needed. You took everything that I had to give you and you gave nothing back in return. Well, nothing but an orgasm anyway."

"Abbey, please." He couldn't help the hand that moved to reach for her again.

"I said don't TOUCH me!" She jerked away from him.

Jed's face shut down as she backed away from him. "This wasn't a decision that I made lightly. It was debated and discussed and agonized over for weeks."

"Debated and discussed. I'm here. I don't remember that. Do you want to know what hurts the most? That you didn't trust me. You didn't trust me then, and you don't trust me now."

"Abbey, it had nothing to do with trust. I did what I thought was necessary.

"You know, they told me about the assassination."

"Who? Who told you?"

"Azim Shareef. He told me that you'd had his brother killed and I DEFENDED you. I called him a LIAR. God what a pathetic little fool he must have thought that I was."

"Abbey there were reasons. There were reasons that I couldn't tell you."

"Really? Okay, Jed." She crossed her arms over her breasts in a gesture of defiance and self-protection. "What exactly were those reasons?"

Jed started to speak but felt his throat closing as he looked into green eyes that were flashing with hostility. Suddenly he was six years old again, his father furiously demanding to know how the living room window had gotten broken. He was 10 years old trying to defend himself against the accusation that he'd been with the group of kids that had been throwing snowballs at a teacher's car. He was 16 years old trying to defend his position that women teachers deserved equal pay with men. He was 22 years old defending Abbey's virtue to a man who had been trying to bend the couple to his will to force them to go to a New Years Eve party. In every instance he'd been the one in the right, but in every instance there had been no defense. John Bartlet was never wrong and Jed had always paid the price when he forgot that.

He'd come a long way from the boy that he'd been, but that boy still lurked inside the man, avoiding conflict and not making the effort to defend himself because it wouldn't get him anywhere. Making matters even worse was the fact that he wasn't sure that he COULD mount much of a defense in this case. Yes, there were reasons that he'd done what he did, but he'd had a man KILLED. He wasn't sure his wife would understand any explanation for that.

"Well," Abbey said finally. "When you come up with an explanation please let me know." She turned from him but just as Jed finally forced himself to speak a nurse knocked on the door. She had the wheelchair that would take Abbey and Aislinn to the helicopter pad on the roof and any chance he might have had to help her understand was gone.

It was a very cold flight back to DC. The rest of the Bartlet family had departed from the hotel earlier that morning and had taken Nicholas with them so it was just Jed, Abbey and Aislinn on the helicopter. Aislinn had fallen asleep against Jed's arm not long after they were airborne but Abbey remained wide-awake staring out the window, her arms wrapped around her torso as if to comfort herself. Jed ached to hold her in his arms, to help her and comfort her.

But, it was easy to see that she had erected a wall around herself. Granted right now it was a fragile glass wall, one that he could easily shatter if he were so inclined. But, he wasn't quite sure he was ready to try to shatter it yet. At the moment he didn't have a clue as to how to make things better with his wife.

By the time they landed at the White House Abbey was ashen faced and distant. She smiled as she moved to unbuckle a sleepy Aislinn but her smile did not extend to her eyes and nor did it extend to her husband.

Many of the Bartlet's and O'Neills had flown home with Abbey's rescue but there were a few who had remained behind and those that had immediately sensed the change between the couple. The loving closeness of the previous day was gone and in its place was a tense curt coolness.

Abbey would like to have not spoken to Jed for the rest of the day, but unfortunately when there were kids involved things didn't always work out the way she wanted them too. As parents they had to communicate.

"Jed, can you watch the kids for a while?" She asked. She wasn't going to pawn the children off on the nanny in the vulnerable state they were in. " I need to get ready for the oath."

"You're going?" He was surprised.

"I said I'd be there."

"Abbey." Jed moved to her wanting to make things better and not knowing how.

"Right now I just want to be alone, Jed."

"Right now is when you SHOULDN'T be alone."

" I don't think you're in any position to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing."

Jed stepped back as if she'd slapped him. Abbey swallowed tightly seeing the pain she had caused him.

"Look will you watch the kids or not?"

"I'll watch the kids."

She nodded and entered the bedroom. She shut the door and leaned heavily back against it her eyes burning with unshed tears. This whole day had just all been so surreal. One minute she was clinging to her husband needing the safety and security of his arms and the next minute she was pushing him away needing to keep her distance for the fear that she might say something that she could never take back, something that she would regret for the rest of her life.

Numbly, in fog of grief, she made her way to the bathroom running her bath as if on autopilot, turning on the hot water, pouring in some rose scented milk bath and finally slipping out of her clothes and into the bubbly warm water. She sank deeply, all the way down sighing as the water soothed her aches and bruises. From the moment Hassan Al Khaleel had touched her this was what she had been longing for, the moment when she could wash away the feel of his hands, his lips, his penis. She scrubbed valiantly at her arms, her belly, between her legs, until her skin was pink and tender and then she lay back against the porcelain tears burning hot tracks down her cheeks. She wished desperately that she'd never heard the name Abdul Shareef for what she wanted now more than anything was to be held in the safety of her husband's arms. But that was a luxury that she was going to have to forgo for she wasn't sure she would ever find it in her heart to forgive him for what he had put she and their daughter's through.

Finally as the water chilled Abbey climbed from the tub and stood before the large mirror over the sink. She almost didn't recognize the woman looking back at her. She looked haggard and older, and it wasn't just the awful short hair that had been foisted upon her. It was in her eyes. There wasn't any laughter in them anymore, no spark, no life. She felt dead inside and a part of her wondered if she would ever be the same again. Would she ever be able to feel anything but this soul numbing pain and fear? Would she ever feel carefree and joyful again? Right now that seemed absolutely impossible.

****

Jed sat on the couch lost in the thought, elbows on his knees. Nicky and Aislinn were kneeling in front him at the coffee table coloring in the books he'd brought out for them, but he wasn't watching them, not really. His mind was replaying the scene in the hospital with his wife, seeing the pain and burning accusation in her flashing eyes. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her and yet he had done so. Because of him she had been hurt both physically and emotionally.

"Dad", Elizabeth stood beside the couch, Ellie silently behind her. Jed was so lost in thought he didn't take any notice. "Dad." It was more forceful this time.

"Hunh?" Jed turned to see his daughters at his side. "What is it?"

"Mom didn't know, did she?"

Jed turned away from them staring silently into space. It was all the answer Liz needed. She turned on her heels to leave the room. Ellie was torn. A part of her was angry with her father for hurting her mother but another part of her ached for him. She alone had seen the pain and torment that he'd gone through while her mother and sisters were missing and now seeing him so hurt and lost was breaking her heart. On impulse she moved to him wrapping her arms around him from behind and laying her cheek against his.

A lump filled Jed's throat at the warmth of his daughter's embrace and for a moment he clung to her needing to know that he was not alone, that he had not alienated his entire family. Ellie held on to him tightly the need to comfort him consuming her. For so long, since he had begun running for President, she had felt left out of his life. But, now he was hers again, not the President, her daddy. The man who had pushed her in the tire swing at the farm. The man who had taught her how to ride her bike and read "Anne of Green Gables" to her every night when she had the chicken pox. The man who had helped her through her first period while her mother was at work and the man who had cheered her on so loudly at her field hockey games. Somewhere along the way she'd lost that man. He'd become a governor, a President, a public life that had alienated and scared her but he was back now. Her daddy was back and she wasn't ever going to let him forget how much she loved him. As pissed as everyone was with him right now she was not going to let him think that he was alone. He needed her and she was going to be there for him.

****

The re-taking of the oath was done in the privacy of the oval office with just the staff and a couple of the photographers in attendance. Abbey stood stoically at her husband's side. If anyone wondered at the beaming smile of pride that was missing from her face they did not comment on it. With the oath taken Jed was once again the President of the United States and as such he made his way outside to the rose garden to address the press and by extension the American people. The whole twenty fifth amendment was an intriguing story for the press but really everyone was there to see Abbey Bartlet. She stood behind the President while he spoke of her triumphant return and that of their daughters. Her hair was cut short, a gauze pad covered one side of her forehead and there was a yellowing bruise on her jaw. Nobody really knew yet what had happened to the First Lady and her daughters while they were in captivity but it was a story every journalist was itching to dig into.

Abbey stared vacantly ahead. She could see the reporters scribbling notes; the camera's focused on her. She knew that she was the center of attention here and the thought made her sick to her stomach. She didn't want to be on display. She didn't want to talk to the press or anyone else about her ordeal. She wanted to go somewhere far far away, somewhere safe where she could hide away and lick her wounds in private. She wanted to go home.

TBC...