THE TELLER'S TALES We open on a computer,and on the computer,as always,is the Teller's Tales webpage. In the middle of the computer screen,on the small webcam screen,the Teller is once again sitting in his story room. THE TELLER Hello,The Teller here,with yet another Tale for you. This one's a gruesome little revenge story that's short,sweet, and striking. Based on an unpublished story by Stephen King, it's called... EPISODE 4: GUTTER BALL We zoom in on a TV monitor behind The Teller,which is showing a still shot of a bowling ball about to hit the pins. INT. BIG TEN LANES-EVENING The shot comes alive,and the bowling ball hits just to the right of center. All 10 of the pins go down. We turn around and look down the lane to see who threw the strike. He is REGGIE RUFFNER,and is in the middle of some celebratory gestures. He's a very well groomed,very self-important man. On the back of his shirt is- THE REGI-MEN, Sponsored by Reggie's Computer Market. He turns around and joins the other 3 members of his bowling team,who all look pretty much the same as he does, and are very business-like,serious, and stuck up. REGGIE Strike. Mark it. REGI-MAN #2 Marked. One of the other Regi-Men steps up to roll. A few lanes down,another bowling team,The Trogs,are playing. They are the opposite of the Regi-Men. Drinking lots of beer,smoking cigars,all overweight, and all having lots of fun. The 3 setting down are talking, while the 4th gets up to take his turn. They are TONY GREY,MIKE HOLMES,and LOUIE SMITH. Tony is jiggling his gut. TONY Wife said I need to lose some weight. MIKE You look fine to me,Tony. LOUIE Definetely. MIKE Then again,I'm not the one you're mounting nightly,so maybe your wife knows something I don't. TONY I haven't done much mounting with my wife lately either. Not for a couple months actually. MIKE Maybe you should lose some weight. TONY Yeah... LOUIE Definetely. The 4th,CHOOCH MANDOLINO,rolls and gets a strike. His teammates cheer. Chooch walks back to his teammates and high fives are exchanged. The Regi-Men watch them with sour expressions. REGI-MAN #3 Quiet down! MIKE (O.S.) Bite me! It is now Reggie's turn again. He picks up his blue,marbleized ball with custom drilled holes and approaches the line. He raises the ball to his chest,takes a deep breath, and prepares to roll. Just before he does,he's interrupted by- VOICE (O.S.) Damn! Reggie stops right before he would have let go of the ball,and looks over. Bowling in the next lane is an old man,FRED MACDUGAL, who has just gotten a 7-10 split. Fred smiles at Reggie. FRED Sorry. 7-10 split. I've never been able to make them... REGGIE Can't you see that I'm trying to bowl over here myself? REGI-MAN #2 He's trying to bowl here old man! FRED I said I was sorry. It just slipped out,because... REGGIE There's this thing called self control,old man. Though why should I be surprised that you can't control what you say, you probably can't even control your bowels anymore. REGI-MAN #3 I bet he's filling his Depends right now. FRED Fuck off and leave me alone. REGGIE I could have gotten a gutter ball because of you! You do realize that I am in a team that's in the league, this being a league game I'm playing here. You could have cost me a spot in the finals just because you got a 7-10 split that doesn't even matter! Fred is now ignoring Reggie and turns his back on him. REGGIE Don't ignore me,old man. Reggie sets his ball down and he and the other Regi-Men go over to Fred. Over with the Trogs, while Tony bowls and Mike talks to Louie, Chooch sees the Regi-Men surround Fred. CHOOCH Hey,think we should help that old guy? Mike and Louie look to see what he's talking about. LOUIE Definetely. Chooch stands up and walks toward Fred and the Regi-Men, Mike and Louie following. Tony notices and follows as well. The Regi-Men have made a small circle around Fred. FRED Look,I apologized. What else do you want from me? REGGIE We want you to leave. REGI-MAN #2 Yeah, you're a distraction. FRED I have as much right to be here as you do. REGGIE We're on a team. REGI-MAN #3 You're not. REGI-MAN #4 This is more important to us. REGGIE So just get outta here. Chooch comes up and puts his hand on Reggie's shoulder. CHOOCH Didn't get the bullying out of your system in high school,Ruffner? REGGIE No,Mandolino... Reggie turns around to face Chooch. REGGIE This isn't about bullying,this about this old fart costing us our position in the league. Which is first,by the way. CHOOCH Yeah, I notice that every time I check the scores after games and see that we're gaining on you. REGGIE Oh,you may be gaining on us right now,but rest assured that we'll still be number 1 at the end of the season. So you'd better just accept being second. CHOOCH I have no problem with being second. REGGIE That's right, you've been second all your life. CHOOCH Maybe some of us don't care about winning,Reggie. I care more about just getting together with my friends,having some drinks,some fun,than pushing our- selves and busting our asses just to win a worthless trophy. During this conversation the Regi-Men have backed away from Fred. Tony steps forward and places his hand on Fred's shoulder. TONY You alright buddy? FRED Yes,thank you. MIKE You want to join us? Have a beer or two? Or six,if you're like Tony here. FRED A beer sounds great. TONY My kind of guy! Tony,Mike,Louie,and Fred walk back toward the Trogs' lane. Chooch stares Reggie in the eyes for a couple seconds, then turns to follow his friends. While watching Chooch go Reggie tips his head toward his teammates. REGGIE Why is it that lazy,illiterate, slovenly,good for nothing imbeciles are always so proud of their below mediocre stations in life? REGI-MEN How true, how true. Don't waste your time on those slobs. They're beneath you, their team name is fitting. Over with the Trogs,Fred is already finishing off his first beer. TONY Hot damn! I hope I can still down a beer like that when I'm your age! MIKE Guy drinks like a Trog! LOUIE Definetely. CHOOCH What's your name fella? FRED Fred... I want to thank you for getting those assholes off my back. MIKE No problem Fred. Chooch takes off his Trogs shirt,revealing his undershirt. CHOOCH Fred,I'm making you an honorary member of the Trogs. FRED Oh... Chooch holds the shirt out to Fred and he puts it on. FRED Thank you. TONY Why don't you throw a couple Fred? CUT TO: Fred standing infront of the line,about to bowl. The Regi-Men are watching. REGGIE His rolls aren't going to count, Mandolino! CHOOCH We know,we're just having fun. You should try it some time. QUICK MONTAGE- Fred rolls. The ball slams into the pins. Strike. Fred drinks a beer. Fred rolls. Strike. Fred rolls,a cigar in his mouth. 7-10 split. END MONTAGE. Fred takes the cigar out of his mouth. FRED Damn. MIKE 7-10's a bitch. FRED I've never been able to get it. TONY Just gotta aim and pray. FRED Here... Fred hands his cigar off to Chooch. FRED I'm gonna get this damn thing. Fred picks up his ball and walks toward the line. He swings his arm back,then forward,and just before he lets go of the ball,we- ZOOM SHAKILY INTO FRED'S CHEST,AS THE SOUND OF HIS FALTERING HEART FILLS THE AUDIO. The ball doesn't leave Fred's hand,and pulls him along with it. He slides down the slick boards, and for the first time in his life he makes the 7-10. His ball takes out the 10,his head takes out the 7. CHOOCH Holy shit! That's what I call making it the hard way! LOUIE Definetely! Fred's body then gets caught in the pin sweeping machinery. The sweep comes down from overhead and jams against Fred's body. A safety mechanism kicks in and the unit starts to spasm,making loud screeching, rumbling noises. The Trogs and The Regi-Men are watching in dread and amazement,eyes wide and mouths gaping. CUT TO BLACK. Like in many movies and old serials,a newspaper comes spinning out of the darkness and stops infront of us. The paper is THE CHICAGO JUNCTION TIMES,and the headline reads- MILLIONAIRE FRED MACDOUGAL DEAD IN BOWLING ALLEY. We pull back from the paper and see that it's being read by Reggie and we're- INT. REGGIE'S HOUSE-THE KITCHEN-REGGIE IS STANDING AT THE COUNTER,THE OTHER REGI-MEN NEARBY. REGGIE ...MacDougal left 4 million dollars to the Big Ten bowling team that is number 1 at the end of the season. Reggie sets the paper aside. REGGIE Can you believe that? REGI-MAN #2 He didn't look like a millionaire. REGI-MAN #3 Unbelievable. REGGIE I never would've messed with him if I knew he was Fred MacDougal. REGI-MAN #4 What do we do now? REGGIE Well,right now that 4 million is ours. We're number 1. We just have to stay that way. And how do we do that? REGGIE AND THE REGI-MEN Study and practice, study and practice, study and practice. REGGIE Right. Now let's get going. EXT. A ROAD-DAY-REGGIE AND THE REGI-MEN ARE RUNNING DOWN THE SIDE OF THE ROAD,SOAKED IN SWEAT. EXT. BIG TEN LANES-NIGHT-REGGIE AND THE REGI-MEN HAVE PARKED SIDE BY SIDE IN THEIR NICE,UPPER CLASS CARS AND ARE NOW GETTING OUT. As they do the Trogs' rusty old Econoline van drives into the lot and parks a few yards away. The Trogs pile out of the van,all smoking cigars, talking loud and laughing louder. Reggie watches with disgust as they enter the Big Ten. Then he follows. INT. THE BIG TEN-THE TROGS AND THE REGI-MEN ARE IN THEIR LANES AND PREPARING TO BOWL. The lane Fred died in has been closed down,with a large wooden cross at the front of it and flowers and other tributes to Fred lining the gutters. MONTAGE We see a montage of The Trogs and The Regi-Men bowling. The Trogs throw mostly strikes,all pins are always knocked down. But The Regi-Men aren't doing very good. There are almost always pins left standing. The Trogs are their usual laughing,fun selves. The Regi-Men look pissed. MONTAGE ENDS. Reggie picks his ball up and takes a deep breath. REGGIE Concentrate. You're a winner. You are the man. You are the best. Number one. Number one. Number fucking one. Regi-Man #4 hurries up. REGI-MAN #4 You can do it,Reggie. Get a strike. REGGIE What's our lead? REGI-MAN #4 Just take your turn,I'll tell you after. REGGIE I said what's our lead?! Reggie says this loud enough for The Trogs to hear him,and they all look over for a couple seconds before getting back to their own business. REGI-MAN #4 It's not that good Reggie. REGGIE Tell me. REGI-MAN #4 We've only got 24 up on them. REGGIE Shit. REGI-MAN #4 But you can bring it up... Reggie walks toward the line. Over at The Trogs' lane,Chooch is also headed for the line. Reggie stops to concentrate for a second,while Chooch just goes for it. Chooch's ball goes down the lane and hits the pins, getting a strike at the exact same time that Reggie rolls. Reggie grimaces at the sound of the strike which, in his mind,is extremely loud. He messes up the roll,and halfway down the lane the ball rolls into the gutter. REGGIE Shit!! EXT. THE BIG TEN-SOON-THE TROGS ARE PILING IN TO THEIR VAN. TONY First round at Red's is on me! INT. THE BIG TEN-OTHER THAN THE JANITOR SWEEPING THE LANES,REGGIE AND THE REGI-MEN ARE THE LAST PEOPLE IN THE PLACE. REGGIE We are screwed,you know that? Next game those damn Trogs are gonna pass us, and screw us out of 4 million dollars! We'll be second place! Second place is bullshit,second place is pointless, worthless,a waste of time! I've never been second place in my life! So you know what we have to do? Study and practice,st... Come on!! REGGIE AND THE REGI-MEN Study and practice,study and practice, study and practice. REGGIE And obviously the practice we're doing now isn't doing enough,so all of our exercises are gonna be doubled! I will not accept this failure! I will not lose that 4 million dollars! Reggie has gotten himself out of breath and sweaty. We zoom into his eyes and see that something has snapped. EXT. RED'S PLACE-NIGHT-ESTABLISHING. INT. RED'S PLACE-THE TROGS ARE SITTING AT THE BAR, RAPIDLY DOWNING SHOTS AND BEERS AND LAUGHING. TONY Next game we're gonna pass those Regi-Men,and that 4 million will be ours! If we can hold on to first. MIKE What would you do with your million? TONY Hell if I know... It'd be nice to have,though. LOUIE Definetely. TONY Maybe buy us all tickets for the Super Bowl. The other Trogs yell and clap for this idea. CHOOCH I'd like to win it just to see the hissy fit that Reggie Ruffner throws. The Trogs laugh. MIKE I don't know if I'd use my million to get a 500 dollar call girl for 2000 nights. The other Trogs cheer at this and Mike has to speak louder for the next part. MIKE Or a 200 dollar hooker for 5000 nights! EXT. RED'S PLACE-NIGHT-REGGIE'S CAR IS DRIVING BY. INT. REGGIE'S CAR-REGGIE LOOKS OVER AT RED'S AND SPOTS THE TROGS' VAN. Reggie shakes his head and drives on. EXT. REGGIE'S CAR-NIGHT-A HALF MILE DOWN THE ROAD REGGIE PULLS A U-TURN AND HEADS BACK FOR RED'S. EXT. RED'S-NIGHT-REGGIE PARKS ACROSS THE LOT AND HEADS FOR THE TROGS' VAN,HOLDING A TIRE IRON AND MUTTERING TO HIMSELF. REGGIE Worthless pieces of garbage. They don't deserve that money, they haven't earned. I train,I practice, I work my ass off. They sit on their asses,watch TV and stuff their faces all day... Reggie reaches the van and prepares to bust one of the windows out with the tire iron. REGGIE ...inhale smoke,destroy their livers... Reggie stops right before the tire iron hits the window. He looks over at the driver's side front tire. Reggie smiles. REGGIE See how well they can bowl with a couple broken arms... Reggie kneels down beside the tire and begins to loosen the lugnuts. REGGIE ...legs... (chuckles) ...severed fingers... Once the lugnuts are loosened Reggie stands up and runs back to his car. EXT. REGGIE'S CAR-NIGHT-THE CAR STARTS UP,PULLS BACK OUT ONTO THE ROAD,AND SPEEDS OFF. We watch it go for a second,then look back over at Red's Place just as Chooch,Louie,Tony,and Mike come out,singing. THE TROGS In Heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink it here... They pile back into the van. INT. THE VAN-SOON-CHOOCH IS DRIVING,LOUIE IS RIDING SHOTGUN,MIKE AND TONY ARE IN THE BACK. TONY You think Christine will accept my gut once I'm a millionaire? Mike laughs. LOUIE Definetely. CHOOCH Am I drunk or is the van riding kinda funny? MIKE You're drunk! The Trogs laugh at this,but then- The driver's side front wheel suddenly flies off the van,causing it to swerve left of center and into oncoming traffic. The Trogs scream as a car slams into the passenger door,bending the door in and tossing Louie onto Chooch. The van spins,and the vehicle that was behind the car,a semi,tries to stop but doesn't have time. The semi ends up slamming into the van head on, crushing the front end. The semi turns to the side,causing the van to slam into and go through the guard rail. The van falls 15 feet before hitting the asphalt of a Walmart parking lot on the driver's side. The crumpled heap then bursts into flames. CUT TO BLACK. Another issue of The Chicago Junction Times spins out of the darkness. The time the headline reads- BIG TEN BOWLING TEAM KILLED IN CRASH. INT. THE BIG TEN-THE TEAM THAT WAS RANKED #3 BUT NOW THAT THE TROGS ARE DEAD ARE RANKED #2,THE SLACKERS, ARE WALKING TOWARD THE EXIT. THEY'RE WEARING BLACK ARM BANDS. THEY ARE JON,NOAH,DUSTY,AND "SPUNKY" WOODS. They reach the door just as Reggie and The Regi- Men come in. They are also wearing black arm bands. JON Hey Reggie. Guys. The Regi-Men nod at The Slackers. REGGIE Hello. NOAH Pretty shitty about The Trogs,huh? REGGIE Yeah. It was a tragedy... Hard to believe. DUSTY You guys still playing the game? REGGIE Yes. Gotta keep it alive,right? NOAH Feels kinda weird though. REGGIE The Trogs would have wanted it to go on. We're about to practice,so... JON Alright, well, we'll see ya at the game then. REGGIE We'll see you. Reggie and The Regi-Men walk away. NOAH God he's uncomfortable to talk to... DUSTY Strange guy. The Slackers go outside. CUT TO: INT. THE BIG TEN-SOON-REGGIE AND THE REGI-MEN AND THE JANITOR ARE ONCE AGAIN THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE PLACE. Reggie rolls and gets a gutter ball. REGGIE Damn it, what is wrong with me?! I'm bowling like a 4 year old! REGI-MAN #3 Maybe you're pushing yourself too hard,Reggie. REGGIE I'm not pushing myself too hard! It's impossible to push yourself too hard! REGI-MAN #2 You just need to calm down a little. REGGIE I'll calm down when we've won the tournament and we each have our million dollars sitting in our bank accounts. The janitor leaves the room. Regi-Man #2 notices this. REGI-MAN #2 Reggie,I've got to ask you something. We were all wondering... REGGIE What? REGI-MAN #2 Well,it's a little suspicious that our main competitors,our only competitors, just happened to die in a car crash when we start to lose our lead... REGGIE And you were wondering if I had anything to do with it? REGI-MAN #2 Well, yeah. REGGIE I'm glad you've all come to know me so well. I'm glad you all respect me enough to ACCUSE ME OF MURDER! REGI-MAN #2 We're not accusing you,it just seems like a hell of co... REGGIE (interrupts) Coincidence? It wasn't a coincidence, but it wasn't murder either. You all read the newspaper I'm sure. The Trogs had just left Red's Place. They were liquored up out of their minds! Chooch Mandolino drove drunk all the time,and it finally caught up with him. The Regi-Men are silent. REGGIE Now if you'll excuse me,I've got to use the restroom. If you've all gotten the idiotic notion that I'm a killer out of your heads,I'd be just delighted if you would get back to practicing. Reggie walks away. REGI-MAN #4 He's finally lost it. INT. THE RESTROOM-REGGIE IS AT THE SINK,SPLASHING WATER ON HIS FACE. He stops,wipes his face off,and looks into the mirror. REGGIE You didn't do it. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't the tire, Chooch was drunk. Besides... Reggie smiles. REGGIE They deserved it. INT. THE BOWLING AREA-THE REGI-MEN ARE STILL PRACTICING. Regi-Man #2 walks up to the bowling balls. As he does,Regi-Man #3 is talking to #4. REGI-MAN #3 He has lost it,but it's either put up with His Royal Craziness or blow a chance at a million dollars. Regi-Man #2 looks down as he reaches for his ball. REGI-MAN #2 A million dollars is worth it. As Regi-Man #2 puts his hand on his bowling ball,a burnt, crispy,blackened and flaking hand is placed on the ball right beside it. Regi-Man #2 looks up at the person standing infront of him,looking right into the face of the undead Louie. LOUIE Definetely. Louie picks up the bowling ball and raises it high, bringing it down with a crunch on the top of Regi- Man #2's head. Regi-Man #2 falls to the floor,dead. Regi-Men #'s 3 and 4 see Louie and start freaking out, screaming,trying to stand up out of their seats,but before they can do anything they are grabbed from behind by the badly burnt and undead Tony and Mike. Tony grabs Regi-Man #4 and rips his throat open with his charred but powerful hand. Mike pulls Regi-Man #3 out of his chair and covers his mouth with his hand,muffling his screams as he drags him over to an old arcade game called The Big League Bowlathon. On the screen is a bowling lane. Mike slams Regi-Man #3's head through the screen. Electricity starts to surge through Regi-Man #3's body,frying him until smoke leaks from his pores. The lights flicker,then- INT. THE RESTROOM-AS REGGIE FLUSHES A URINAL,THE LIGHTS GO OUT. REGGIE What the hell? EXT. THE RESTROOM DOOR-IT OPENS AND REGGIE COMES OUT. REGGIE What's going on here? Reggie walks down a short hall and out into the dark bowling area. REGGIE I'm here to practice, I don't have time for this. Reggie is interrupted when he sees a shadow move behind the shoe counter. REGGIE Alright,come out from behind the counter. I saw you. There's no reply. Reggie walks quickly to the counter and looks over. Sitting on the floor,cowering,is the janitor. REGGIE What the... The lights flicker back on,and at the same second a charred hand lands heavily on Reggie's shoulder. Reggie spins around and comes face to face with the undead Chooch Mandolino. Chooch looks more like an over-cooked roast with nothing but black sockets running dark-colored fluids where his eyes and nose should be. His lips are gone, and his grinning teeth seem to be trying to shape the crisp flesh around them,trying to speak,but only gurgling. Reggie screams. Chooch drags him away from the counter,and Louie, Mike,and Tony also come up and grab him. The undead Trogs begin to tear Reggie apart as he continues to scream. They rip his flesh,they tear his stomach open,causing his guts to pour out. Chooch grabs Reggie in a headlock,and as the others continue to pull Reggie's body apart,Chooch tears Reggie's still screaming head off. CUT TO: INT. THE BIG TEN-LATER-WE SEE WHAT LOOKS LIKE A TWISTED PARODY OF GAME NIGHT. Louie,Mike,and Tony are sitting in their usual spots, making rasping noises that might pass as laughter, drinking glasses of blood. Regi-Men body parts are strewn all over the place, but their arms and legs have been set up at the end of the lane in the place of pins. Chooch is walking up to the line with his new bowling ball,which happens to be Reggie's head, with customized drilled holes in the top. Chooch rolls Reggie's head down the lane. It hits the arm and leg pins and knocks them all over. Strike! We freeze on the scattering arms and legs,and pull back,out of the TV monitor,and back into- INT. THE TELLER'S ROOM. THE TELLER Remember,bad luck always comes to the greedy. Oh,well. Reggie Ruffner always was a pinhead. Until next time... CUT TO BLACK. THE END