THE TELLER'S TALES We open on darkness,in which a light begins in the middle and spreads out until it covers the entire screen,and we realize we're looking at a computer. On the computer is a webpage,with a banner across the top reading- THE TELLER'S TALES. In the middle of the computer screen is a small webcam screen,and on the webcam is a man dressed in black in a very dark room,surrounded by computer and TV monitors,as well as piles of books and comic books. The man is THE TELLER. THE TELLER Hello,boys and girls. I am The Teller, your purveyor of pixilated pleasure. Welcome to the first installment of The Teller's Tales. My life has been devoted to finding the stories of other people. Whether the stories be one of shock and horror, melancholy,sadness,despair,or my least favorite,happiness and joy. Whether written in a novel,drawn in a comic,told on the news,or posted on a website. And now,I bring the stories I have discovered to you. My first story was on a news report, and I've chosen it to get you in the mood for the holidays. Here is- EPISODE 1: GIVING THANKS The webcam screen flickers,then the whole computer screen flickers and we end up looking at- EXT. A SMALL BRICK BUILDING-LATE DAY-THE SIGN ON THE FRONT OF THE BUILDING READS: SCRUGG'S HARDWARE. The front door is glass,and an OPEN sign is hanging in it. A man steps into view and flips the sign over to CLOSED. INT. THE BUILDING-THE MAN,STEVEN COOK,IS WALKING DOWN AN AISLE IN THE STORE,HEADED FOR THE BACK, PULLING HIS COAT ON. He reaches a door and opens it. We follow him through the doorway into- INT. AN OFFICE-A MIDDLE AGED MAN,ABE SCRUGG,IS SITTING BEHIND A DESK LOOKING AT SOME PAPERS. STEVEN All closed up Mister Scrugg. ABE Good. Thanks,Steven. STEVEN Yeah. Uh,Mister Scrugg,have you thought about what I asked earlier? ABE What did you ask? STEVEN Um... I asked if I could get my pay check today. ABE Pay day is Friday. This is Wednesday. STEVEN I know. But I need to buy a turkey, and I've only got 5 dollars to my name... I can't even buy gas for my truck, I've only been able to drive back and forth between here and home the last couple days. ABE I'm sorry to hear that. STEVEN Could I atleast get a small advance? ABE Pay day is pay day is pay day, Steven, and pay day is Friday. STEVEN Come on,Mister Scrugg. It's Thanksgiving. ABE If it was Christmas maybe,maybe I'd give you an advance. But,alas, this is only Thanksgiving. Merely a day for eating turkey... So no. No advance. You can eat turkey on Friday. EXT. THE BUILDING-DUSK-STEVEN WALKS OUT THE FRONT DOOR AND HEADS ACROSS THE PARKING LOT. STEVEN (singing to himself) You're a monster, Mr. Grinch. Your heart's an empty hole. Your brain is full of spiders, you've got garlic in your soul. Mr. Grinch. Steven reaches his truck and unlocks the driver's side door. STEVEN (singing) You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel. Steven gets in the truck and shuts the door. INT. ABE'S OFFICE-ABE STANDS UP FROM HIS DESK, REACHES OVER AND TURNS HIS DESK LIGHT OFF,PLUNGING US INTO DARKNESS. EXT. ANOTHER BUILDING-THE SIGN ON THIS ONE READS: WOODS' GROCERY. Steven walks through the automatic doors. INT. THE STORE-THE FROZEN FOOD AREA-STEVEN WALKS UP TO AN OPEN,FLOOR-SET FREEZER AND LOOKS INTO IT. There are only about 5 turkeys left in the freezer,and the sign says: 79 CENTS A POUND. STEVEN 79 cents... None of the turkeys seem to be under 10 pounds. STEVEN Damn it. Steven runs his hand through his hair,sighing, thinking. STEVEN What can I do... Steven turns around,facing a row of glass-doored freezers. On one of the freezer doors is a sign reading: MICROWAVE DINNERS. 4 FOR 5 DOLLARS. STEVEN This really sucks. Steven opens the freezer door and looks the microwave dinners over. STEVEN Turkey... He finds the turkey microwave dinners,and grabs 3 of them. He shuts the freezer door and walks away. INT. ABE'S CAR-ABE IS DRIVING,"HAIR OF THE DOG" BY NAZARETH PLAYING ON THE RADIO. HE'S SINGING ALONG TO THE CHORUS. INT. THE GROCERY STORE-STEVEN IS LOOKING AT THE DOLLAR AND CHANGE THAT HE NOW HAS. The girl working the register is putting his microwave dinners in a plastic bag. Steven pockets his money. The girl hands him the bag. GIRL Thanks. Happy Thanksgiving. STEVEN Yeah,happy Thanksgiving... Steven walks away. EXT. A TWO STORY IN THE SUBURBS-ABE'S CAR PULLS INTO THE DRIVEWAY AND PARKS. INT. THE HOUSE-ABE'S WIFE,LINDA,IS IN THE KITCHEN LIGHTING A CANDLE THAT'S ON THE COUNTER. ACROSS THE KITCHEN ANOTHER CANDLE IS BURNING. As she does,the back door,which is next to the oven, opens and Abe enters. LINDA Hello. ABE Mmm,it smells great in here. LINDA Vanilla candles. ABE I can tell. Get a turkey? LINDA I got it yesterday... I told you. ABE Good,I want to have it before I open the store tomorrow... LINDA It will be ready. I don't know why you keep the store open on Thanks- giving,none of the stores will be open. ABE A day closed is a day's worth of money lost. LINDA It's just a hardware store,Abe. No one needs hardware on Thanks- giving. ABE I don't need your business advice, Linda,so just shut up. I don't tell you how to do your business... If you did any work. I don't tell you how to sit around with your friends and gossip,or whatever you do with your time. Abe opens the refridgerator door. LINDA (quietly) I spend my time doing things for you, with no reciprocation. ABE'S P.O.V-THERE'S A 20 POUND TURKEY IN THE FRIDGE, ALONGSIDE SOME BEERS. Abe pulls a beer out of the fridge and shuts the door. ABE What was that? LINDA Nothing. ABE Bad mouthing me again? LINDA No, I was just talking to myself. ABE Well,if the things you say to yourself are as pointless as some of the things you say to me,I'm surprised you haven't killed yourself by now. Abe walks out of the room. EXT. A TRAILER IN A TRAILER PARK-STEVEN'S TRUCK PULLS UP NEXT TO THE TRAILER AND PARKS. INT. THE TRAILER-STEVEN'S SON DUSTY,2,IS LAYING ON THE LIVINGROOM AREA'S FLOOR,DRAWING A PICTURE WITH CRAYONS. On TV NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION is playing. The trailer's door opens and Steven enters. Dusty looks up at his father and smiles. DUSTY Hi daddy. STEVEN Hey,Dusty. What are you doing there? DUSTY Drawing. STEVEN Drawing,eh? What're ya drawing? DUSTY An alien! Dusty shows his picture to his father. The drawing looks like a pig with eyes on stalks and 8 legs. STEVEN Nice... Looks like Mr. Scrugg. Dusty laughs. Steven walks into the kitchen area,where his wife CHRISTINE is sitting at the table. STEVEN Hey honey. CHRISTINE Hey. How was your day? STEVEN The usual... CHRISTINE Crap? STEVEN Yep. CHRISTINE What's in the bag? STEVEN Thanksgiving dinner. Steven dumps the microwave dinners out onto the table. Christine looks at the dinners for a long time,then she looks up at Steven. CHRISTINE That's Thanksgiving dinner? STEVEN Yeah... Steven sits down across the table from Christine. CHRISTINE You couldn't get your pay check? STEVEN Couldn't even get an advance. CHRISTINE Why not? STEVEN What did you expect from Scrugg? CHRISTINE I expected him to have half a heart. STEVEN He has a heart, it's just 3 sizes too small. CHRISTINE You and Dusty have been watching The Grinch too much. STEVEN (laughs) Yeah, I guess. CHRISTINE But I'm serious,Steven. The guy's a slave driver. STEVEN Oh, I wouldn't say that. CHRISTINE You need to get a new job. STEVEN I will agree with that. But that's easier said than done. CHRISTINE You should get a job at dad's. STEVEN I'm not the baker type. CHRISTINE It'd be better than... Christine is interrupted when Dusty comes up to the table. DUSTY Mommy, can you take me to the bathroom? CHRISTINE Sure hon. Christine looks back at Steven. CHRISTINE To be continued. She then stands up and follows Dusty toward the back of the trailer. Steven watches them go,then looks over at the TV, where Clark Griswold is having a breakdown. CLARK I'd like Frank Shirley,my boss,right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap,lying, no-good,rotten,four-flushing,low-life, snake-licking,dirt-eating,inbred,over- stuffed,ignorant,blood-sucking,dog-kissing, brainless,dickless,hopeless,heartless, fat-ass,bug-eyed,stiff-legged,spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! CLARK & STEVEN Hallelujah! CLARK Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? INT. ABE'S HOUSE-ABE IS IN THE BATHROOM,GOING THROUGH THE MEDICINE CABINET. LINDA (O.S.) What?! ABE I said where's the Tylenol?! LINDA (O.S.) It should be in there... ABE Yes... Abe slams the medicine cabinet shut so hard it pops back open and multiple kinds of medications fall out into the sink. ABE The Tylenol most definetely should be in here,Linda. Abe walks out of the bathroom. INT. A HALL-ABE WALKS OUT INTO THE HALL. ABE But it's not. So where is it? There's no answer. Abe stops walking and listens. ABE Linda? Still no answer. ABE Damn you Linda. Abe starts walking again. He reaches the stairs and starts walking down. INT. THE LIVINGROOM-ABE REACHES THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS AND TURNS TO WALK INTO THE KITCHEN. He runs into Linda,who is holding a cup of steaming coffee and a bottle of Tylenol. The coffee splashes all over Abe's stomach. He yells out and slaps Linda,knocking her to the floor. The coffee spills out across the floor and the Tylenol lands at Abe's feet. ABE Watch where you're going you stupid bitch! Abe pulls his shirt off and uses the dry part to wipe off his stomach. ABE Shit... Linda looks up at Abe,holding her face,blood running from her nose. LINDA I... I found the Tylenol. Abe bends over and picks up the Tylenol. ABE Clean up this mess. Abe tosses his shirt in Linda's face and heads back up the stairs. Linda remains on the floor,wiping the blood from her nose,trying to hold back tears. EXT. STEVEN'S TRAILER-NIGHT. INT. THE TRAILER-THE BEDROOM-STEVEN IS AWAKE IN BED WITH THE SLEEPING CHRISTINE,DUSTY SLEEPING BETWEEN THEM. Steven is staring up at the ceiling,thinking. INT. THE HARDWARE STORE-DAY-STEVEN IS STANDING OFF TO THE SIDE AS ABE TURNS THE SIGN IN THE FRONT DOOR OVER TO: OPEN. Abe then looks over at Steven. ABE (smiles) Well,Steven,how was your Thanks- giving dinner? STEVEN We had microwave dinners. ABE Sorry to hear that. Abe turns and walks down an aisle of the store,back toward his office,chuckling. Steven walks after him, a few feet behind. As Steven walks down the aisle he grabs a shovel. STEVEN Hey,Mr. Scrugg? ABE Yes,Steven? Abe turns around to face Steven. STEVEN Happy Thanksgiving. Steven swings the shovel,smashing it right into the side of Abe's head. Abe falls to the floor,spasming,blood pooling around his head. Steven drops the shovel and goes to Abe's office door, opening it and going inside. INT. THE OFFICE-STEVEN GOES OVER TO A SAFE IN THE BACK CORNER. He kneels down infront of the safe and does the combination. He then opens the safe, revealing a few stacks of money inside. Steven smiles. INT. STEVEN'S TRAILER-THE BEDROOM-STEVEN IS STILL STARING UP AT THE CEILING. WE WERE IN HIS THOUGHTS. He looks over at Christine and Dusty. STEVEN (to himself) That's crazy. Steven gets up out of bed. INT. ABE'S HOUSE-THE BEDROOM-ABE IS IN HIS TIGHTY WHITIES, GETTING INTO BED. Linda is in the room's bathroom,changing into her nightgown. ABE Remember to get up and put the turkey in at about 2. LINDA I will. ABE I want it done when I get up,Linda. LINDA I know. INT. THE KITCHEN-STEVEN SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE,OPENING A CAN OF PEPSI. STEVEN (quietly) I'm the only one who could possibly know the combination. I'd get caught... CHRISTINE (O.S.) Caught doing what? Steven looks over. Christine is standing a few feet away. STEVEN Nothing... Christine sits down across from him. CHRISTINE What are you doing out here talking to yourself? STEVEN Having trouble sleeping. What are you doing up? CHRISTINE You woke me up when you got up. STEVEN Oh... Sorry. CHRISTINE So what were you talking to your- self about? STEVEN Just having some crazy thoughts. CHRISTINE Like what? STEVEN You don't want to know. CHRISTINE Just tell me. STEVEN I was thinking about robbing the store. But I'd get caught,because I'd be the only one who knows the safe combination other than Mr. Scrugg,because I've watched him do it so many times. CHRISTINE Why were you thinking about robbing the store? STEVEN So we'd actually have money for once. So we wouldn't have to eat microwave dinners for Thanksgiving. CHRISTINE Having to buy those really tore you up didn't it? STEVEN Yeah... When I was a kid we used to have great Thanksgiving dinners. Big turkey,a bunch of different pies,a big family gathering. Now my son has to eat a microwave dinner with just his parents. CHRISTINE We'll have big dinners some day. We just have to work up to it. For now just being together has to be enough. And it is enough,Steven. Even if we had to eat those nuggets that have been in the freezer for the last 2 months for Thanksgiving. Steven smiles. INT. ABE'S BEDROOM-LINDA IS LAYING IN BED,WATCHING ABE,WHO IS SITTING UP IN BED LOOKING THROUGH AN ISSUE OF PENTHOUSE. ABE (to himself) Those have been pumped up a bit... LINDA How was your day? Abe laughs,laying the magazine in his lap and looking over at Linda. ABE You know,Linda,some wives ask their husbands that as soon as they get home. LINDA Sorry,I didn't get a chance. ABE My day sucked. Thanks for asking. Abe shuts the magazine and lays it on the bedside table, sighing. ABE Now you've pissed me off again. LINDA Why? ABE Got me thinking of Steven. He's such a pain in the ass. LINDA How is he a pain in the ass? ABE He wanted me to give him his pay check today. Two days early. And when I said no he kept on badgering me about it, asking for atleast an advance. LINDA Why'd he want paid early? ABE Oh,some bullshit sob story about not being able to buy a turkey. Big deal. LINDA He does have a family to feed Abe. ABE I'm sure they have food. They can have turkey on Friday. Thanksgiving is a holiday that can be celebrated on any day. LINDA Then why are you so insistent on having your turkey in the morning? ABE Because I'm able to celebrate it on the right day. But if I wasn't I wouldn't be whining to my boss about it. I'm going to sleep now,turn the light off. Abe rolls over,turning his back to Linda. Linda gets out of bed and walks over to the light switch by the door,turning the light off,plunging us once again into darkness. CU OF THE BEDSIDE ALARM CLOCK-THE CLOCK SHOWS THAT IT'S 12:13 AM. The time switches to 2:00 AM and the alarm starts going off. We look at the screeching clock for about 10 seconds, then we hear- ABE Sweet Christ,Linda,turn the damn alarm off! Linda sits up and reaches over to the clock,which is on her side of the bed. She turns it off. LINDA Sorry,sorry... Abe is already asleep again. Linda's nose is bleeding again. She reaches up and wipes the blood off her upper lip. LINDA God... Linda looks down at her pillow. On the pillow is a blood stain about the size of a silver dollar. LINDA You son of a bitch. Linda gets up and walks to the bathroom. INT. THE BATHROOM-LINDA ENTERS AND SHUTS THE DOOR. She goes to the sink and turns the faucet on,splashing water on her face and washing the blood off her fingers. LINDA Bastard. Linda turns the faucet off and looks up into the mirror. LINDA He can't do this anymore. Linda walks over to the door,grabs the doorknob,and stops,thinking. LINDA (quietly) He's a heartless bastard. Linda lets go of the doorknob and starts pacing the bathroom,talking quietly to himself. LINDA He doesn't have any emotions anymore. He doesn't love me anymore. He only loves himself. Only cares about himself. He's an evil,heartless bastard that... That doesn't deserve to live. I deserve better. He doesn't deserve to live. INT. THE BEDROOM-ABE IS SLEEPING. LINDA (O.S.) Abe! Abe continues sleeping. LINDA (O.S.) Abe! Abe,come here! Abe wakes up and looks around groggily. ABE Uhh... LINDA (O.S.) Abe,help me! ABE Wha... What the hell do you want?! LINDA (O.S.) I need your help! ABE Worthless bitch! Abe gets up out of bed and walks toward the room's bathroom,where Linda's voice was coming from. INT. THE BATHROOM-ABE OPENS THE DOOR AND ENTERS. Linda is standing back against the far wall,and the water in the shower is running. The room is filling with steam. ABE What's going on? LINDA The water won't turn off. ABE What? LINDA I can't get the water to turn off... ABE Great,Linda. Literally money down the drain. Why the hell do you have the shower running in the first place?! Abe reaches over to the shower knobs and turns them off... And the water stops. ABE Linda,what the...? Abe turns to face Linda,just in time to get the toilet paper holder plunged into his left eye. Abe screams,falling backwards into the bathtub. He writhes around the bathtub,continuing to scream. LINDA Oh shit... Linda looks around the room for something else to use on him. ABE You fucking bitch!! Abe starts to climb out of the bathtub. Linda grabs the back off the toilet and slams the heavy porcelain slab down over the back of Abe's head. Abe's skull makes a sick crunch and he falls back down into the bathtub. The side of his head hits the tub's faucet,ripping it out of place. Once he hits the bottom of the tub,he doesn't move again. Linda sits down heavily on the toilet,starting to laugh,rubbing the sweat off her forehead. EXT. STEVEN'S TRAILER-MORNING. INT. THE TRAILER-STEVEN WALKS UP TO THE FREEZER AND OPENS THE DOOR. He pulls out a microwave dinner and looks at it. As he does,the phone starts ringing. Steven walks toward the wall-mounted phone while reading the cooking instructions. STEVEN Cut and remove plastic cover from potatoes... Steven answers the phone. STEVEN Hello? INT. ABE'S HOUSE-LINDA IS STANDING IN THE KITCHEN,ON A PORTABLE PHONE. LINDA Hello,Steven? This is Linda Scrugg. Abe told me about yesterday,and I was wondering,would you and your family like to come over and have dinner here? INT. THE HOUSE-SOON-STEVEN,CHRISTINE,DUSTY,AND LINDA ARE SITTING AT THE DINING ROOM TABLE. SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TABLE IS A PLATTER WITH A FEW THICK SLICES OF MEAT ON IT. They're all eating pieces of the meat. STEVEN Where is Mr. Scrugg? LINDA Abe had to go to some kind of business meeting in Chicago Junction. I don't know,he rarely gives me details. STEVEN Oh... Linda stands up and grabs the platter of meat. LINDA I'll get some more. STEVEN Do you need any help? LINDA No thank you. I can handle it. Linda smiles and goes into the kitchen. Steven,Christine,and Dusty eat in silence for a couple seconds,then- STEVEN What kind of meat is this? It's not turkey. CHRISTINE I'm not sure... It's really good, though. STEVEN Yeah. I'm afraid to ask Linda,though. In case it is turkey,you know? Just cooked differently than we're used to... Steven takes a big bite of the meat. STEVEN In other words, not microwaved. Christine laughs. INT. THE KITCHEN-LINDA HAS LOADED THE PLATTER WITH MORE MEAT SLICES. She goes over to the refridgerator and opens it, pulling out a pumpkin pie. While she has the fridge open we notice that the turkey is still inside. She shuts the door and we- CUT TO BLACK. OPEN AGAIN ON: CU OF THE COMPUTER SCREEN,AT THE TELLER'S TALES SITE AGAIN. The Teller is on the webcam screen. THE TELLER Ah,poor Mister Scrugg. Try to be a good husband,a good business man,and look what he gets for his trouble. Oh well. It's a tender subject,in more ways than one. That does it for the first of my many tales. Hope you enjoyed it,and I hope to see you all again,so I can share my tales with you... Happy Thanksgiving! CUT TO BLACK. THE END