CLOWN HOUSE PART 1 Written by Jack McVee January 27, 2002 Teaser INT. DARK HALLWAY - NIGHT The only light provided is the illuminating rays of moonlight, which only seeps in with tiny slivers through a skylight window. Creepy, eerie music swells in the BG. TEENAGE GIRL (O.S.) Somebody help! TEENAGE GIRL races into frame, wearing something exploitive and revealing. And covered in blood. TEENAGE GIRL Chaz! Andy! Melanie! Where are you guys? BOOM. BOOM. The sound of fists banging against wood. THE CAMERA CREEPILY pushes in on the FRONT DOOR, all the way to the knob. It jiggles slightly. TEENAGE GIRL staggers back. TEENAGE GIRL No! It can't be! BOOM. BOOM. BOOM. Teenage Girl backs into a sidetable and trips over it, she lands on her butt. TEENAGE GIRL I killed you! I killed you! BOOM! The door comes BLASTING off its hinges and lands, intact, ten feet from the doorway, revealing not some hulking monstrous demon, but a CLOWN. He steps through the treshold, a mad grin plastered on his creepy, creepy face. CLOWN (with a little wave) Hey girlie. ON TEENAGE GIRL - curled up, shivering, horrified beyond belief. The Clown then reveals a WICKED LOOKING bloody buck knife. CLOWN Daddy's home. TEENAGE GIRL SCREAMS. THE CLOWN LAUGHS. MIGUEL SCREAMS. ...wait, Miguel screams? INT. MIGUEL'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT Yes, the teaser was in fact, a movie all along. And Miguel's watching it with none other than Destin. Popcorn and sodas make up a buffet on the coffee table before them. DESTIN Christ, you scream loud. MIGUEL Sorry. I just... find the villain's partiarchal ways to be overdomineering and offensive. DESTIN You're scared shitless of clowns, aren't you? MIGUEL Yes sir. ON THE TV SCREEN - The Clown is hacking away on Teenage Girl, all while laughing insanely. MIGUEL I mean... come on, don't you find em a little creepy? I mean, they're happy. ALL THE TIME. DESTIN Wimp. MIGUEL Whatever. A lot of other people are clownphobes, too. Like... Julia Roberts. And that annoying kid who does the Welsh's grape juice commercials. DESTIN You don't know what you're talking about anymore, do you? MIGUEL As of now, no. (then) Think about it this way. You see clowns in the circus or whatever, and they're all happy and shit, right? Kids are laughing, the clowns are handing out balloons. They smile. You smile back, and think nothing of them. Think of that SAME clown on your front porch in the middle of the night. DESTIN is clearly disturbed by this. Miguel shrugs. MIGUEL You're right. I'm just being a big ol' wimp. Clowns are harmless. ON THE TV SCREEN - The Clown licking up Dead Teenage Girl's blood. CLOWN MmmmMMmm. Tastes like chicken! MIGUEL SCREAMS AGAIN. BLACK OUT Opening credits. ACT 1 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY Very sunny, and very happy. No clouds in the sky. Birds whistle. And the birds are happy too. People passing by in cars look happy. The cars are also happy. Strolling along the sidewalk is AIDEN singing happily to himself, looking very happy. Hell, the sidewalk is happy. Happy music plays. He looks every which way... except for what's right in front of him. AIDEN (without a care in the world) Sunshine lollipops and, rainbows everywhere, and something something how I feel when, we're together. Brighter than a lucky, penny- He walks RIGHT into a tree. AIDEN Fucking hell! Aiden brushes bark-bits off his face.. and his tongue. AIDEN And my mouth was open, too. A CHILD runs past him, screaming and crying his guts out. His interest piqued, Aiden's line of vision wonders over cross the street, where a park is. A poorly dressed up CLOWN is trying to sell some children balloons. The kids are either screaming their heads off or kicking PoorlyDressedClown in the shins. CLOWN Hey! Ow! Watch the pants! They were customly tailored! Hey, HEY! This wig cost me my monthly shipment of Godiva! AIDEN (confused, then) ...Huntley? Upon closer inspection, we see that this is indeed Huntley... albeit with mediocre clownmakeup and clownclothes layered on him. Aiden walks across the street, extremely amused. AIDEN It's like the gods above WANT me to witness what will probably be a preview of how pathetic your life will actually be. Huntley shakes off another kid, looks up at Aiden and growls. HUNTLEY What do you want? AIDEN To bask in this very amusing glow of humiliation. HUNTLEY Like my week hasn't been bad enough. Scram, alright? SOME KID HEY BOZO, WANT A MUDPIE? HUNTLEY Put that DOW- (has mud hurled at his face) Yes. Very well. MORE KIDS HAHAHA! BOZO HAS A MUDFACE! BOZO HAS A MUDFACE! He pins down Aiden with a pathetic frown as another child runs away screaming. Aiden grins, extremely amused. AIDEN Okay. Let's talk. INT. PARK - MOMENTS LATER They sit down on a bench that's a little away from the kids. Huntley rips off his wig. Aiden watches, totally loving this. Huntley begins washing the crap off his face with a water bottle. AIDEN I'll start. (clears throat) What the hell? HUNTLEY If you must know, I have yet to have completed the required forty hours of community service one needs to graduate high school. AIDEN How many hours do you have? HUNTLEY One. AIDEN And when are you graduating? HUNTLEY In three months. AIDEN Ah. HUNTLEY How many hours have you done? AIDEN Four hundred. Beat. HUNTLEY Oh. AIDEN I'm understanding the volunteer part... but being a voluntary 'clown'? HUNTLEY I lost a bet, alright! My dad tried to pay off the principal, but apparently Mr. Farber has 'work ethics'. AIDEN That evil swine. (beat) So how's your ManCoven? HUNTLEY Huh? Oh. That didn't work out. Payne moved to LA to become an actor... and I think Mark and Steele joined some guy called Preacher Sunshine. Aiden stifles back a laugh. AIDEN Karma at it's best. HUNTLEY Uh huh. And I bet everything's all lollipops and lucky pennies for you? AIDEN Well, in a manner of speaking. HUNTLEY Give me a sec to think of a comeba- (looks beside him) Hey! Where the hell is my wig? Huntley looks under the bench, beside the bench, behind the bench, his actions becoming increasingly panicked. HUNTLEY Oh, no! (to Aiden) Aren't you gonna help me look for it? AIDEN (matter-of-factly) Um. No. Aiden stands up and begins to walk away. HUNTLEY Hey! Where are you going? AIDEN Walmart. I'm buying a birthday present for a friend. Huntley stares blankly at him. Aiden rolls his eyes. AIDEN It's a tradition that us beings with souls have. HUNTLEY Can... I come with? AIDEN Gee, that's easy to answer- HUNTLEY Please? (then) Uh, I uh.. I guess I'm done here and... I don't have anything else to do. Aiden gives him questioning look. AIDEN You have other friends. HUNTLEY No. I don't. He says it genuinely. Aiden looks at him empathetically, despite himself. Tries to play it cool. AIDEN Yeah. Okay, whatever. HUNTLEY Great then! AIDEN Waitwait - you gotta change, first. HUNTLEY Alright. Huntley starts taking off the clownclothes, and is quickly intercepted by Aiden. AIDEN Heyheyhey! Nudity, much? HUNTLEY I have clothes underneath. He takes off the clownclothes revealing your average snobby prep ensemble. AIDEN Of course you do. CUT TO INT. MIGUEL'S FAMILY'S HOUSE - FOYER The doorbell rings. Mama Cooper, Miguel's fat loudmouthed mother quickly runs to open the door. It's Miguel. MIGUEL Hey ma. MAMA COOPER Miguel! She grabs her son in an overbearing, bonecrushing hug. Seriously. Bonecrushing. MIGUEL Thanks, ma. And... ow. She lets go, smiling. MAMA COOPER Come! I made you a birthday cake. MIGUEL Oh, I don't w- MAMA COOPER COME! Mama Cooper grabs him by the ear roughly and tugs him out of screen. MIGUEL (O.S.) Again with the ow! MAMA COOPER (O.S.) You're such a wimp. INT. KITCHEN - SAME - CONTD Mama Cooper brings her son to the kitchen table, where a huge-ass CHOCOLATE... VANILLA... STRAWBERRY... CARAMEL... WHATEVER CAKE THING sits on an equally huge plate. Did I mention it's huge-ass? MIGUEL ...Is it pregnant? She whacks him upside the head. MAMA COOPER It took me five hours to bake. MIGUEL No it didn't. MAMA COOPER Yes, it did. MIGUEL NO, it didn't. Ma, you say the same thing about making five-minute rice. Mama Cooper cuts out a GIGANTIC slice, and puts it on a plate. MAMA COOPER Well it's not my fault that the toaster keeps laughing at me. Now EAT! MIGUEL MOM! MAMA COOPER What? What's wrong with it? A moment. Miguel pouts, looking at the unholy bakery creation, then back to his mom. MIGUEL (childlike) Because it's very gross. And it looks like somebody threw up their poo. Mama Cooper raises an eyebrow. MAMA COOPER Very well. She turns around and leans over on the kitchen aisle. It looks like she's crying. MIGUEL Ma? No reply. MIGUEL (sighs) Ma, I'm sorry... MAMA COOPER TURNS AROUND, WEARING A PLASTIC KIDDIE CLOWN MASK and holding out the plate of cake to her son. MAMA COOPER EAT! MIGUEL GYAAAHHHH!! Miguel grabs the plate and twists around instinctively, shivering horribly. MIGUEL Okay, Jesus! I'll eat, I'll eat. He quickly shovels a couple of scoops of cake into his mother as his very pleased mother takes off the mask. MAMA COOPER I'm such a wonderful mother. MIGUEL (swallowing painfully) And I'm a lucky son. CUT TO INT. SHOPPING MALL - SALON - AFTERNOON Zelda walks inside, carrying her jacket. Not too busy, maybe one or two stylists with patients. She walks up to the register near the door and rings the bell thing. CLOSE UP - A tiny mirror on the desk. Zelda catches her reflection. Her hair's too long. And too light. MIRANDA, a carefree, fun hair stylist in her early 30s walks up to the register and smiles brightly at Zelda. MIRANDA Hey Zelda! ZELDA (somewhat disconnected) Uh, hey, Miranda. MIRANDA New cut? Zelda shakes her head, looks back at her reflection. ZELDA New... new everything. TIME CUT: Some minutes later. Zelda's in a... customer chair, or whatever they call it. Miranda runs her fingers through Zelda's hair, staring at from the mirror in front of them. ZELDA I, uh, I want it... shorter. And... darker. I want dark. Give me dark. MIRANDA Maybe we could put some cute little curls in the ends... ZELDA (too quickly) NO! Beat. MIRANDA (quiet now) I thought you liked curls. ZELDA I just... I don't... (sighs) I just want it short and dark. No streaks, no curls, nothing fancy. Miranda throws her a worried look. MIRANDA Everything fine in the barnhouse, dear? Another beat. ZELDA Everything's great. DING! Another customer has walked in. Miranda looks to see the other stylists are busy. MIRANDA Ooh. Don't go anywhere. She walks over to the storefront register, where DESTIN is. DESTIN Hey Mir. MIRANDA Destin! Hey! ON ZELDA as she turns to see the very guy talking with Miranda. She doesn't react at all. DESTIN (contd) Yeah, I haven't spiked my hair in two weeks. It's getting too long, ya know? MIRANDA Okay, a cut. New streaks? DESTIN Yeah. Let's make em red this time. MIRANDA Sure! Just sit right over to the pretty blonde over there... She motions to Zelda, and Destin's eyes meet with hers. DESTIN Oh! Zelda! He walks over and takes a seat next to her. MIRANDA (walking over) You two know each other? ZELDA Oh, mm-hm. DESTIN Sure do. MIRANDA Alright, you guys sit here, I'll go get some dye. Lots of dye. She walks off screen. DESTIN How you doing? You alright? ZELDA Sure. Why wouldn't I be? DESTIN Well, Aiden said that... He trails off, not sure if it's really wise to tread down this path. DESTIN ...just that you're going through some tough times. ZELDA Yeah... but... they will pass. I don't see how things could get worse. It's not like there's some evil villain out there who's plotting to kill us by resurrecting demon clowns from beyond. DESTIN (laughs) You're right. That'd be too corny, anyway. It's not like the stuff that happens on television could ever happen to us. ZELDA Right. We PAN AWAY to the storefront window. AIDEN and HUNTLEY walk by. We follow them. INT. SHOPPING MALL - EXT. WALMART - SAME Busy, busy and busy. HUNTLEY So what were you gonna get him? AIDEN He's always going on about how godly his Playstation 2 is. I was gonna buy one of those ridiculously expensive cinematic videogames. HUNTLEY Oh, do you play? AIDEN Me? They enter Walmart. A couple of clowns are handing balloons to children. Huntley passes them both glares. AIDEN Sometimes. The only console I really, really, TRULY want is the Nintendo Gamecube. Can't afford it, though. The two of them walk down the toys aisle, passing through. ONE CLOWN in particular, with a sickeningly shudder-inducing smile painted on his white make up... watches them. AIDEN But I'm sure me and my middle class ways are boring the hell out of you. HUNTLEY What? No. Of course not. You're cool. Aiden stops. Turns to Huntley, tries to be casual. AIDEN I am? HUNTLEY Yeah. AIDEN Help me out here. Why... am I cool? HUNTLEY You're... like... you know, funny. And smart. And you know a lot of big words. AIDEN I get that a lot. Juxtaposition. Contradistinction. Hedgehog. HUNTLEY And you're really lucky, too. AT THE END OF THE AISLE, The Clown is just standing there. Watching them. He's out of focus, though - only Aiden and Huntley are sharply featured on camera. AIDEN How so? HUNTLEY You got really awesome friends. Destin, Miguel, Zelda. AIDEN Yeah. Only three friends. I'm big man on campus. HUNTLEY Hey, I'd rather have three good friends than forty people who hang around me only because I have money. (then) I really wish I was like you. OFF AIDEN. This touches him in some... weird way. Sensing the awkwardness, Huntley quickly scoots ahead. HUNTLEY (O.S.) So, the videogame section... over here... Aiden sighs, disappearing off-screen for him. The Clown, now in focus, just stares creepily at the camera for a few seconds. BLACK OUT End of Act 1. ACT 2 INT. EVIL RESIDENCE - LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON Abyss is staring at somebody off screen. ABYSS You... were supposed... to bring... the witch bitch... to me. WIDER revealing not one, but two CREEPY-ASS CLOWNS staring back at him. The one's from Walmart. They say nothing. ABYSS (shaking now) The book... the book said that if I raise you two from the depths of... clown... hell, or whatever... that you'd be my personal kidnappers. He looks down at his hands - caked with blood. They tremble horribly. ABYSS God... as if ripping out that eldery couples skulls weren't enough for you two... Abyss begins pacing about the room, biting his lower lip, a million ideas zinging through his mind a second. The CAMERA follows him as he paces. We momentarily see the back wall, where the said elderly couple has been impaled to it with knives, side by side. Their heads have been cut off. Blood is everywhere in this already bloody living area. THE CLOWNS follow Abyss with their eyes, but they still say nothing. Abyss grabs something from the fireplace mantle and brings it up into viewing distance. IT'S A SKULL. Looks like it's been freshly extracted from a human body. Guess Abyss wasn't joking around. He talks to the skull. An homage to Shakespeare even though he ain't aware of it. ABYSS I'd do it myself, see.. but the cats in my head.. yes, the cats... they don't want me to kill the bitch.. no, I mean... the witch. I can't kill him. Then I'd kill *me*. That's what the cats said. God, if only I could kill those cats. Meow. Meow. Fucking animals. That's all they are just... (rips at his hair) ...FUCKING... ANIMALS!! He pulls some hair. Not a lot, but some. Breathing heavily, Abyss looks up at his two Clown demon/monsters/ whatever (I'm not very big on plot, you see) and smiles. ABYSS The next time you see him. Follow him. Don't kill him. The cats wouldn't be very happy. But kill his friends. Kill them all. Mindfuck. Mindfuck. You guys know telepathy. That's cool. I know it too. So, mindfuck them some more, send me the location via brainwaves... and I'll be there to finish the bloody and kill-y job. OFF THE CLOWNS, absorbing the instructions, but still, they ain't talkin'. ABYSS (smiles now) Can I call you The Bubble Twins? SMASH TO INT. MAMA COOPER'S HOUSE - A LITTLE LATER With Miguel absent, his mom, as well as Aiden, Zelda, Destin, and a dozen of Miguel's university friends (basically an assortment of party guys and gals) are setting up a very large, very elaborate birthday party. Aiden's trying to put some streams up along the top of the walls, but he unfortunately isn't of the stature to reach it himself. Destin, smirking like Smirky McSmikerson comes over with a full cow-boy attitude. DESTIN Need some help there, ma'am? AIDEN I need some height. And I'm willing to forget the ma'am comment. DESTIN You know you're loving it. Destin leans over and kisses Aiden on the cheek, cutely and quickly. This causes major blushage for Aiden. AIDEN (smitten) You gonna help me or we just gonna make out in front of some fraternity dudes? Destin sticks up the streamers effortlessly. DESTIN I think they'd be more content with an edition of Girls Gone Wild than watching two high school guys make out. AIDEN Hey... your hair! It's different. DESTIN So good of you to notice. You like? AIDEN Oh, I like. The dual colour is both enticing and cute. Muchly. DESTIN (blushing now) Oh, well... The CAMERA moves over to ZELDA, who's sporting a kicky new do, as well. It's very flattering. If, of course, I ever find actors to play these characters. Then it'd be officially flattering. (sigh) She's chatting it up with some college guy, Chad. Zelda's trying to be as normal as possible. They're both hooking up the stereo system. ZELDA So, Chad, how exactly did you and Miguel meet? CHAD Frat party. ZELDA Oh. We met at a organization devoted to hunting down ghosts and supernatural hell demons. Beat. CHAD Ah. Do you have a boyfriend? The CAMERA then moves back to Destin, who strolls into the kitchen to find Mama Cooper struggling with several thousand snacks (not really). MAMA COOPER Oh, Destin, could you lend me a hand? DESTIN Sure. I'm helping-man. MAMA COOPER Great. Take the two bowls of chips on the counter and the four bowls of cheese puffs on the table. Bring them to the snack table that's close to the threshold which seperates the living room and the foyer and arrange them in a strict LINE pattern - no circles or squares, just one bowl after another. And then after that, grab the cokes and sprites from the fridge, put them in a cooler full of ice and ONE beer in it. I don't want any drunk frat hooligans at my little baby's birthday party. Destin stares at her blankly. DESTIN Yeah. Okay. INT. DORM BUILDING - HALLWAY Mediumly occupied with some traisping students. Miguel enters, walking towards his dormroom, whistling happily. He approaches his door, fixes his hair, straightens out his shirt and puts on his best about-to-be-surprised face. Miguel opens the door... INT. MIGUEL'S DORMROOM - CONTD ...and finds it to be completely barren of people. The fake surprise is now turned into full-on shock. MIGUEL (deadpan) Surprise. SMASH TO INT. GYM - LITTLE LATER Slamming ROCK music plays as we see MIGUEL pounding the hell out of a punch bag, rapidly, with no sign of slowing down anytime soon. PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH. INT. MIGUEL'S DORMROOM - SAME The phone's ringing endlessly. INT. LIVING ROOM - MAMA COOPER'S HOME - SAME Zelda's on the phone, waiting impatiently for an answer from the other end. Aiden's standing with her. In the BACKGROUND we see the setting up for the party is nearing completion. AIDEN Is he there? ZELDA Do you see me talking with him? AIDEN Okay, okay! Hold the snark. Zelda goes on for a beat more, hoping to hear an answer, but getting none. She hangs up, frustrated. ZELDA I'm not really seeing the point in supplying a surprise party for someone who's probably getting laid in a urine-filled alley right now. AIDEN (he sighs) I'll try some of his haunts. Gimme the phone. CUT TO INT. GYM - SAME Miguel is STILL beating the shit out of the punching bag. SHELLY, 20s, pretty and a regular player at this gym, approaches him from behind and rolls her eyes. SHELLY Miguel? PUNCH. PUNCH. KICK. PUNCH. SHELLY Migueeel? KICK. KICK. PUNCH. SHELLY Hey, they're showing Anna Kournikova's Workout Session in the commonroom! PUNCH. KICK. SHELLY I'm gonna take off my top. This, of course, stops Miguel. He turns to Shelly, sweaty, breathing heavily. MIGUEL Well. Let's see em. SHELLY (annoyed) Miguel, someone's on the phone for you. Line 3. MIGUEL Who? SHELLY I dunno, some boy. She bails. Miguel walks up to the front desk and grabs the phone, presses for line three. MIGUEL Yeah? AIDEN (from phone) Miguel, go to your mom's house. MIGUEL Surprise party? AIDEN (trying to withold sarcasm) No. She's... badly injured. MIGUEL Really? CLICK. Aiden hangs up, leaving Miguel slightly miffed. INT. LIVING ROOM - MRS. COOPER'S HOME - SAME Aiden dusts off his hands, turns to Zelda and smiles. ZELDA You told him his mom is INJURED? Do you know how horribly manipulative that is? AIDEN In case you couldn't tell, I was seething with sarcasm. Miguel usually picks up on the subtle tones and mannerisms in my voice. ZELDA I still don't think it was - AIDEN And what's with everyone changing their hair? Sure, it looks cute, but now I can't make blonde jokes about you behind your back. (off Zelda) Uh... sarcasm? ZELDA I just needed some change. You know about this stuff, you went all Technicolour Dreamcoat with your hair last year. AIDEN Well, that was a tiny bit different... He stops himself, trying to get serious. AIDEN Are you alright? ZELDA Why's everyone always asking me that? AIDEN The other day...? ZELDA Oh. That. (tries laughing it off) That was just one of the more unpleasant side effects of post menstrual syndrome. Aiden's not buying it. Zelda isn't, either. AIDEN If you ever wanna talk, Zelda... ZELDA Aiden... AIDEN No, I mean it. People are always being so nice and supportive of me... I just wanna give it back somehow. Zelda smiles, appreciating this more then Aiden will ever know. ZELDA You're a sweet little boy. If you were old enough to grow a goatee, I'd be going out with you in a second. AIDEN There is the thing about me being gay. And I'm a teenager, not a boy. And I'm very capable of growing a goatee... if I stopped shaving for a couple of years. ZELDA Shut up and hug me. As the two friends hug, the doorbell rings. INT. FOYER - CONTD Destin hurries toward the door, and looks through the peephole. He pulls away, more confused than anything. He pulls open the door, and we see it's HUNTLEY. He's carrying a lamely-wrapped gift, as well as a huge-ass smile. HUNTLEY Hi. Destin. DESTIN What are you doing here? HUNTLEY Uh, Aiden invited me. AIDEN pops up, sees Huntley, smiles back. AIDEN Hey! Come in. DESTIN Whoa - wait. Aiden. We hate this guy, remember? You said it your self. HUNTLEY (crest-fallen) You did? AIDEN What? No! Well... to be more correct, yes. But that was after your really lame Halloween party where you were all intimidating and had your ManCoven thing to back you up. (to Destin) He's really nice now. I swear. Destin frowns at Aiden, then looks at Huntley a tad bit disapprovingly. Huntley smiles again, only this time it feels a bit forced. DESTIN Does Miguel know about this? AIDEN Huntley and Miguel know each other. A little bit. HUNTLEY We went to the same after school knitting course last year. DESTIN Oh, fine. Come in. He happily does so. Destin pins down Aiden with a withering stare. DESTIN I know what this is. AIDEN Oh? What is it? DESTIN You got yourself a little crush. AIDEN A crush on YOU. And it's not little. It's a crazy, crazy crush that makes me weak in the knees. This softens up Destin some. He weakly smiles. DESTIN You're not so bad yourself. A moment of sweetness, and then: CUT TO INT. SIDEWALK - NEIGHBORHOOD - SAME Miguel's walking down this empty street. Can't be far from his mom's house. The sun's setting. Miguel's singing to himself. Like Aiden was. MIGUEL Sunshine lollipops and, something something something... He turns a corner, walks right into THE TWO EVIL-ASS CLOWNS. Miguel JUMPS back, screaming. MIGUEL Holy SHIT. Oh, I forgot to describe our Monsters Of The Week, didn't I? Clown 1 (who's basically decked out like an Opera Singing Jester) grins slowly at him. Clown 2 (who's more akin to Bozo, with blood-shot eyes) waves at him, slowly, creepily. MIGUEL swallows a large lump in his throat. MIGUEL I-I-I-I, uh, I didn't mean to, um... be ... rude. Miguel closes his eyes and quickly passes them, his heart racing a mile a minute. The Two Clowns turn around at the same time to see Miguel hurrying off. They smile and nod at each other... and follow. INT. SIDEWALK - CONTD Where we left off. Miguel's hurrying through the street, not walking, but not really running. OVER HIS SHOULDER we see the two clowns slowly heading for him, out-of-shot (blurry). CUT TO INT. FOYER - MRS. COOPER'S HOME - SAME Miguel hurriedly rushes inside, and slams the door behind him. He looks into the peephole anxiously. HIS POV: a distorted view of the front porch. No sign of the Clowns... Miguel pulls away and gropes the door blindly for the lock, but is disrupted when every single party-goer leaps out of their hiding space and just SCREAMS: CHORUS OF VOICES SURPRIIISSSSSEEEEE!!!! ...which scares the crap out of him. He jumps halfway up the wall. All the goers are wearing goofy-looking party hats and carrying those things you blow in that then extend and make funny noises. Hey, I'm not a living dictionary. MIGUEL Guys?! Mama Cooper runs up and gives her son a great, big bear hug. MAMA COOPER Happy birthday, honey. MIGUEL Oy. He's hurried off-screen by his mother and his other friends. The CAMERA pans to the unlocked front door. The knob slowly turns. Faint giggling is heard on the other side. BLACK OUT Insert commercials. ACT 3 INT. LIVING ROOM - AN HOUR LATER Miguel's birthday party. Music plays. People talk and laugh and eat. A table is loaded with soda and a "Happy Birthday Miguel!" cake. Miguel and Aiden are cutting the cake. Destin, Zelda and Huntley are standing to one side of the room, watching the party contently. ZELDA This is all so exciting! Do you see how happy Miguel is? They look to him. He does appear to be having a blast. DESTIN This is good for him. I hope his transition into the 19- year old zone is a smooth one. HUNTLEY What's with all the newbies? ZELDA Friends that Miguel met from Toronto U. They're very... rambunctious. We PAN AROUND to see that they're mostly split into couples who're making out (or grinding, or flashing, or making out some more) vivaciously on the dance floor. DESTIN Those crazy college kids. BACK TO Miguel and Aiden. Aiden cuts himself a huge, huge slice of cake. They're in mid-conversation. AIDEN "It looks like somebody vomitted their poo"? You actually said that to her? MIGUEL In a nice way. I'm just glad she decided to go out for tonight. I think all these frat guys and sorority gals would prove detrimental to her health. AIDEN Smart of her. Aiden hugs his friend warmly. AIDEN Happy birthday. Hard to believe, aint it? You being all nineteen and stuff. MIGUEL Mmhmm. I woke up feelin' mature and had absoloutely no urges to cause property-based destruction and sexually-charged mayhem. OFF Aiden as he looks at Miguel strangely. MIGUEL Stand up straight, young man. AIDEN Like I'm capable of doing something straight. He cracks up at himself, Miguel just kinda sneers. AIDEN What? A couple of SORORITY BIMBOS run up to Miguel and begin pulling him to the dance floor. MIGUEL Ah. Sorry Aid. The ladies want Miguel. AIDEN Oh. Well, that's fi- He's pulled away before Aiden can finish his sentence. AIDEN Ine. INT. KITCHEN - SAME Huntley enters and discards a couple of popcans into the garbage. He looks and up and is JOLTED terribly. CLOWN 1 is standing there, frozen, like a manniquin. HUNTLEY Huh. The things lonely old women'll buy. He makes a goofy-face at Clown 1 and leaves, shaking his head. Clown 1 slowly turns his head and smiles. INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTD Slow dance. Destin and Zelda are dancing together, Miguel's dancing with a group of ladies, Aiden watches from the side. Huntley joins him. Some of the college kids scream "Seeya" and head off, probably to do something that involves drinking. What? I'm not biased... HUNTLEY Hey. AIDEN Hi. HUNTLEY Enjoying the party so far? AIDEN So far. But I think I've pretty much alienated everyone with my straight jokes. Beat. HUNTLEY You wanna know something weird? AIDEN Always. HUNTLEY Remember there were these clowns at Walmart who were giving out balloons? AIDEN Yeah. HUNTLEY Well, Miguel's mom bought a clown manniquin that looks almost EXACTLY like the one I glared at... AIDEN Really? That's creepy. Where is it? HUNTLEY In the kitchen. C'mon, I'll show you. They head for it. INT. KITCHEN - CONTD The guys enter quickly to see that, of course, Clowny McClown is no longer here. Huntley raises a brow. HUNTLEY Huh. Someone must've moved it. AIDEN Either that, or maybe it's really a demon clown from hell. HUNTLEY Is this some sort of dramatic irony thing? CLOWN #2 silently glides down the hall off the kitchen, glancing into the kitchen as he passes by. This ain't seen by our hapless heroes. AIDEN One would hope not. Maybe we should... The LIGHTS begin flickering on and off, stopping Aiden midsentence. They eventually settle on being 'off'. AIDEN Oh, I just love real life. INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTD Aiden and Huntley rush in, to see everyone as confused as they are. Miguel helplessly watches as his bimbo possee nervously moves towards the front door. MIGUEL Girls! BIMBO 1 Sorry Miguel, but no power? No fun. The other girls agree and head out. MIGUEL Buh, we can play 'What Am I Touching'? It works great in the dark! No dice. A lot of others frat guys and sorority gals get out, until it's just the gang. MIGUEL Oh, fuck you all, too! ZELDA Rude! MIGUEL I meant them. Huntley's getting a little anxious. HUNTLEY Um, Miguel? Does your mom collect manniquins? MIGUEL What? HUNTLEY I mean, I saw this really creepy manniquin in your kitchen, dressed up as a clown. But... I checked it out a second time, and it was gone. Destin throws Miguel a worried look. He throws one back. DESTIN And then the power went out. Zelda shivers, moving in closer to the group. ZELDA I *was* getting a weird vibe during the party. I just thought it was from watching Miguel dance. MIGUEL Rude! HUNTLEY Guys! We... we still need to... I mean... we don't know... what's going on. Are these mannequins, like, coming to life? He laughs heartily. Nobody else joins in. HUNTLEY What? You guys actually think these clown guys are... Destin immediately moves to Aiden, protectively. AIDEN Weirder things have happened to us. We pretty much need to get out. Now. MIGUEL I second that. And, as a group, they all hurry towards the foyer. As soon as the room is empty, the CAMERA swings around to reveal Clown #1 standing onimously behind the bay window curtains. A slow smile creeps up on his face. INT. FOYER - CONTD The group's gathered here. MIGUEL (shaky) Alright... I'll-I'll call my mom's cell when we get to a payphone, and then we'll- A CREEPY, BONE-CHILLING GIGGLE fills the house, and stops Miguel dead. Everyone JUMPS. Destin squeezes Aiden's hand. DESTIN We'll figure something out when we're AWAY from here. MIGUEL Y-yeah. Miguel grabs the doorknob and practically RIPS the front door open. They're about to go outside - when a figure appears on the front porch, blocking them. This isn't either of the clowns. It's ABYSS, and he's holding up two wicked-looking Magnums, cocked and ready to blast them all to hell. He smiles at them, licking his teeth in anticipation. ABYSS Hey honies. I'm home. BLACK OUT To be continued. Executive Producer Jack McVee