we might as well just start with the basics. my name is lauren, aka realitykills. i'm a 19 year old girl who lives in an apartment with her other half. i've lived here for 10 months. i beleive in fairytales and happy endings. and i try to be as optimistic as i can be. i'm told i can be childish which is fine with me, since i never got the chance to really be a child.
i love kool-aid. the color green. sparkling band-aids. going to playgrounds. reading. my favorite authors must be Francesca Lia Block, Chuck Palahniuk, and Tamora Pierce. i love to create thing and i love animals. i've had a guinea pig, countless numbers of fish, two rats, a rabbit and 6 hampsters, and i've loved everyone of them. At the moment i have the rabbit, 12 fish, one hampster (from the 6), and soon to be two little rats.
this may not make much sense or go in order, but it completely describes me
i believe in magic and faeries and all sorts of mythical creatures. you need to have something beautiful to believe in. the religions that i have always leaned towards have been paganism (not devil worship), buddhism, and hinduism. i'm a christian if you really need to know. though i do not practice it or believe in almost any of it.
i let my creative side loose in my apartment. i painted the living room the color of a deep tropical ocean and put sea animals and sea weed on one corner. my bedroom is deep purple like the night sky. complete with glow in the dark stick on stars and painted sparkle planets. i plan to do more to the other rooms when i can.
i love music. any of it, almost all of it. if i like it i will listen to it no matter what. though a few of my favorite all-time bands are the juliana theory, no doubt, and a perfect circle
i'm not sure if this has really told you who i am, but i did try.
A Little Something More...Maybe on Repeat
i am lauren. i'm 19 years young and in love with a boy i feel is the most beautiful thing in the world. i hate capitalizing my i's. but feel a need to make sure that everything is spelled correctly. i don't believe in god, not in the sense that most i know believe in it. i believe in magic, and fairies, elves and that the trees have spirits. trees must be amazingly smart, they've lived so long.
i have technicolor dreams in which the world is perfect and right. i am in love with snow and could never be away from the ocean. i want to travel the world, and see beautiful lush green places before i die, or before my dreams become nothing but that, dreams that can't be reached. i want to witness a miracle, and see a field full of fire flies.
i love plants and animals. my house will soon resemble a green house. i'm learning to grow vegetables in my living room. my own little urban garden. i constantly feel the need to create, with words, pictures or a simple can of paint. i want to create beauty in a world where it's often overlooked. i like to believe that i am a from another world, a race of beings intent on creating beauty and being in touch with nature.
i'm addicted to my camera and take pictures as much as i can. i live in what feels like a city of death, sometimes it feels like it is suffocating me. so i dream of beautiful places, where the plant life grows lush and beautiful and the air is so clean. my city has it's beauty but it's all underlined with sharp edges, pain, and lost dreams.
someday i want to live in the county in a cottage covered in wildflowers with my animals roaming around. with the beautiful boy that somehow i've captured as my own. i live with a rabbit, a hampster, and a few fish. my dream is to live with animals of all kinds, dogs, birds, rats, anything i can love. i want to grow my own vegetables and make a tiny little seed grow into something amazing.
i still wonder who i am and what i'm going to be. i want to wear dresses made of gauze and drink the nectar of flowers, dancing naked in the moonlight while witches and fairies sing and play music around me.
i have scars from my past, but i don't hate them. not anymore, they tell a story, the story of me. and in a way i almost like that. maybe i'll never wear a mini-skirt but that does not bother me in the least. sometimes i look back on myself and ask, was i ever this way?