May 28th, 2005
11:50 am
it's weird. i've been thinking alot today, something music can make me do when i really like it, and the lyrics.
and all i can think of is that i don't even think of you anymore. it's like you never exsisted. whic is odd, since you used to overrun my mind with why's and how's and now it's like you never were there. and i knind of like it that way. you exsisted though, there is proof of that, in scrawled notes and little gifts. but in my mind and in my now, you have no place at all. when you used to be in it totally. it used to be i coudn't forget and it hurt too much. and now you're completely out of it, almost like a mind wipe. every now and then some little fragment of you will come up. but other than that, you're gone, totally, completely, and forever. and i'm happy, really happy.
because it means i've learned to let go. not just of you, but almost everything in my past. i look back and barely regret anymore. it all happened for reasons, the wonderful, and monstrous. and i'd take none of it back. it helped me shape myself. and i still don't know who i am, but i know who i'm not. and i'll never be that girl again.
and i am content with that. i downloaded Anna Nalick's cd, and i really like it. it's calming music. and makes me happy.
May 8th, 2005.
12:00 p.m
so it took me long enough t oget an entry up i know. i was going to make a whole layout for the bog, but never got around to it. and what i wanted to do just was not working. currently i'm sitting here in a hoodie and pajamas, yawning, sneezing and hiccuping. it's just not my day. tired, and cranky. yuck. matt's birthday is next week, and i have some plans on how to make it special. without spending more than $10. luckily i'm in love with making things or it'd never ever work. no one celebrates his birthday, or remembers. so i'm going to make it a good one. decorations and brownies 'cause he hates cake. and i'm going to finish the house redecorating and make it really nice and clean. and make him home made pizza with spicy chicken on it. i have some other ideas, but this is the best for now
i'm going to become mother to two rats in a few days. some girl can not take care of them and was going to surrender them, and they'd probably end up being put down. so i said i'd take them. and teach them to not be skittish and show them love. i have to find a way to get them a new cage, tehy live in a 10 gallon aquarium right now and that is small and poorly ventilated for one rat...let alone two. i made a wishlist on amazon, but no one has bought me it yet. it's a large cage and only $25 and that is cheap, compared to Petco's half size $40 one. a few people have said they'd buy me one, but i'd have to get down to them to get it. or they'd buy me on at Petco, but i feel bad about that 'cause it'll end up being a small cage since large ones are pretty expensive. bah here i go on and on about my pets again. i can't help it, ♥ them.
i guess that is all for now. can't think of anything else to write. maybe i'll get some inpiration later.
listening to: Bif Naked - I Bificus