Screaming Midgets

Lyrics for the as yet untitled forthcoming album

Aargh! Nazis!

Argh! I'd avoided the Germans for all these years...
How did they find me in this small sea-side town?
I must escape them the only way I know how:
Casually walking down the road eating an apple is the only sensible path of action to take

The Door

Into the keyhole...

The Resident

I came to your house to fornicate with the contents
You answered the door
Given you technically constitute the aforementioned contents of the house I am forced to copulate with you.
I'm sorry it had to come to this.
Dont worry - I brought some lube
And a packet of Tim Tams.

The resident, the resident, the resident, the resident...

 

Last time i saw him he was wearing pants

He was a friend of mine,
A very good friend of mine
and last time i saw him, he was wearing pants...

They were nice pants,
Very, very nice pants
Pants pants pants pants
Pants pants pants pants

What the fuck did you do with the fucking sausages you idiot?
Go back to crapoiera you stupid fucking jackfuck
Go and suck a racehorses cock with Heinz tomato ketchup
Go and suck your own cock you cocksucking dickface
 

Who am I?

Who am I?

I was born in 1962.
In my first movie for Disney I was bitten by a "pet" lion.
My co-stars have included Robert De Niro and Anthony Hopkins and I am well known as The Accused and for Silence of the Lambs.

I am Jodie Foster.

I.G. GAY

You are ugly!
Your customer service leaves alot to be desired
Your store is probably a front for a child porn ring and the children are probably unattractive
You probably smell but i didnt get close enough for fear of catching The AIDS
You're ugly!!!
Stop coughing! I didn't ask for transferable diseases with my vegetables
If I wanted to speak to a deranged weirdo, I'd have gone to the zoo and thrown fruit and the gorillas
You're ugly and old!!!

I.G. GAY!
I.G. GAY!
I.G. GAY!
I.G. GAY!
I.G. GAY!
 

Road safety is vital for all families

Give way to the right!
Look at both sides of the road!
Don't fucking jay-walk!!!
Don't run over cars in your Mack Truck!!
If you're so fucking stupid you get run over, you dont deserve to be in the gene pool; it's natural selection, you fucking dickhead!
Two solid lines in the middle of the road means no overtaking!
No parking within 10 metres of an intersection!
The speed limit applying to a driver for any length of road in a shared zone is the number of kmph indicated by the number on the shared zone sign on a road in the zone!
A driver must not make a u-turn at an intersection with traffic lights unless there is a U-turn permitted sign at the intersection, you crazy Old Man!!
A driver must not stop on a marked foot crossing that is not at an intersection, or on the road within 10 metres before the traffic lights pole nearest to the driver at the crossing, and 3 metres after the crossing, unless the driver stops at a place on a length of road, or in an area, to which a parking control sign applies and the driver is permitted to stop at that place under the Australian Road Rules!
 

The Art of Seducing A Horse

A kiss... thats all i want
Kiss me tonight
This loneliness... its a cunt
I yearn for delight

She came to me, the lonely one
Like a swift kick to the groin
A treasure trove of delights
In sexual bliss we join

I am a cyborg....

Erotic Adventures in The Sexual Abyss

GET
YOUR
HAND
OFF IT!!!

Stop fooling yourself!
She wouldn't touch you with a 40 foot long pole, let alone her hands.
She'd have to burn them off with acid
Just like all the poor nurses
And those engineers at the cyborg factory!

YOU
ARE
A
CYBORG!!!

You spend your days
In a sexual craze
In a fake world of desire

You stick your meat
In your dog's petite
And you rule your sexual empire

It's just... I don't want to be touched in the pants...
I don't want to be touched in the pants please!...
Please leave my brassiere on!...
I'd prefer it if you didn't look up my dress...
What are these magazines!?...
How did you get into my room and find my underwear draw?...
I don't understand what you're trying to smell?...
No... no... get those filthy masturbatory hands off me!!
NOOOOOOOO!

Girls' Night Out (feat. Shane "Loverboy" Lieber [from An Easier Question])

Hi!..
How are we all tonight?
Having a good night there ladies?
Maybe celebrating a wedding?
A divorce perhaps?
Successful abortion?
UNsuccessful you say?...
Oh... that's a pity...

Son of a fucking bitch!
You're ugly!
Stop spending all my money on shoes!
Three hours doing your make-up and you still look like shit
Stop pretending to be attractive!!
I'm glad you're divorced
Stop pretending you had an abortion; noone would fuck you in the first place
Yes, your ass looks fucking huge!

Trip to Europe

Take me on Contiki
Take me all over the world
Take me to The Red Light Town
With all the sexy girls

Take me to the bar
Give me a beer- no, make it two
Oh no, the beer has cursed me
I can not perform for you!

Conduisez-moi aux prostituées s'il vous plait
Je suis heureux et pressé
J'ai de la douleur dans les testicules
J'ai des malades vénéprienne
J'ai ne un contraceptif pas
Quel est le prix par heure?
Carte de credit?

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