Sheep grazing on the lawn of the White House.
September 27, 2000
Pictures and Presidents
I have often been asked why
I have chosen to be an actor. More specifically, I have often been asked
by my mother why I am an actor. The fact of the matter is I shouldn't be
an actor. I should have been a politician.
Two nights ago, the shoe
boxes I store my old birthday cards, Christmas cards, post cards, and yellowing
letters fell from the top shelf of my closet. They made a loud thud, as
they cascaded down to the floor. I vaguely remember hearing it in the middle
of the night, but like a good boy in a coma, I stayed in bed thinking it
was a car back firing or someone being shot. In other words it wasn't my
problem and so I wasn't moving out of my warm bed.
Well, it was in fact
my problem, as the contents of four shoe boxes (the poor man's filing system)
covered the floor of my closet. Letters from friends lay there mixed with
cards going back to when I was only 5 foot 5 inches tall. All of them colliding
with love letters from women I never really knew. I let the mess settle
for a couple days before I tried to sort through the piles of Hallmarks
and picture post cards of places I still haven't been. People from places
like London, Spain, and Costa Rico staring up at me reminding me that the
most exotic place I have ever been in San Francisco. That is unless you
count my numerous visits to the Canadian side of Niagara Falls.
Finally, I had sorted
the folded pages of my past into a new wooden set of drawers I had just
assembled. The last envelope I picked up was heavier than the rest. It
was full of Senior Portraits of people I hadn't seen or talked to in almost
10 years. All of them so young and beautiful. Little faces frozen in time.
Many of their voices stored in tiny messages on their backs. Some of the
ink had started to fade, but you could still read things like, "You were
always there for me when I needed you." And keen insights like, "You are
so weird." Or the ever present "LYLAS." (Love you like a sister.) That
last message always annoyed me the most. I was trying for something besides
"sisterly love" from these teenage goddesses. I'll be the first to admit
though, that there was no way this geek was getting anything off of these
girls.
There was also one kind
of message I kept reading over and over again, "I hope you grow up to be
president." or "You will make a great President." One girl, Sheri Greiz,
even wrote, " You remember in fourth grade there were two things you were
sure of. That you would grow up to be President and that you would marry
me." She was right, at age nine, I was sure of both of those things. I
remember in fourth grade we had pictures of ourselves taken and in the
background there was a backdrop of some job or another. A space shuttle
for the kids who wanted to be astronauts. A race car for the kids who wanted
to drive for NASCAR. And what was my choice? President of the United States
of America.
There I sit in the jacket
from my first communion suit. Sitting in front of a picture of the Capitol
Building, with the word "When I Grow Up . . ." emblazoned over my head.
I was going to be President of the United States someday.
The little messages on
the back of my friends pictures weren't just recalling some cheesy picture
from elementary school. I was president of pretty much everything in high
school. I was Class President for 3 years and then I was Student Government
President when I was a senior. I was President of Student's Against Driving
Drunk and captain of the It's Academic Team. Yeah, I did Theatre
at Woodlawn High, but I was the President.
I was never quite sure
how it happened. I never expected to win the first time I ran for President,
freshman year. I was, as I have mentioned in the past, a Geek. I am not
exaggerating when I use a capital G, when I spell Geek. I was the uber-Geek
and everyone knew it. When I heard the announcement that I had won I nearly
died. And it just kept happening year after year. For some reason people
liked me and they trusted me and that made the biggest difference in my
life. I was almost popular.
When I went away to College,
it only made sense that I would major in Political Science. Even then,
amidst all the partying and drinking, on some level I still dreamed of
becoming that President. In a very JFK meets FDR way I would change the
world. And then it stopped mattering.
This was even before
I decided to follow my bliss, acting. I didn't want to change the world
anymore and if I did it wasn't going to be as President. I stopped wanting
what I had wanted since I was nine, well I still want to marry Sheri Greiz.
I packed those pictures
away and thought about how much has changed for me in the last ten years.
Then I thought about all of those beautiful girls who are now women. Some
of them married and some of them probably with little girls of their own.
All I keep coming back to is, that no one is the person they expected to
be when they were nine years old or even when they're eighteen. And probably
not even when they are twenty-seven.
