June 27, 2000
The New Rodent Review
Hello, la,
la, la! It's time for more timely insight from America's answer to French
Toast. (Don't ask what that means, but it has something to do with a light
egg batter and sitting on the griddle for a couple of minutes.) I am now
INFAMOUS. I am infamous according to a recent conversation that I
had with a lovely young lady last Saturday night. Her name was Deb and
we were having a very coherent conversation about theatre. It was
a shock to me that a.) I was able to hold a conversation about theatre
with any level of coherence and b.) it was close to 1 o'clock in the morning
and I was still awake, the older I get the harder that is to do.
In case anyone is wondering I was awake until 4:00 in the a.m.
To get
back to the interesting part of this story, we were talking and she must
have realized who she was talking too, because her cute little face lit
with what was either an epiphany or one of those moments when you realize
something. She says to me, " Are you the INFAMOUS Scott McCormick
or just some other Scott?" For the 27 years my mind has involuntarily
chosen to inhale and exhale keeping me in what Socrates might have called
a state of being alive, no one and I mean no one has ever called me INFAMOUS.
Incorrigible, once or twice. Intolerant, maybe. Insatiable, yeah. But INFAMOUS,
never. I was awed.
My understanding
of the word INFAMOUS comes from banditoes, Nazi war criminals, and former
members of the Reagan Cabinet. She used the word as though I was
some kind of lathario or a bastard child of Prince Charles. It had the
allure and the wonder of a pirate or a particularly choice seat on the
Metro that everyone seems to be avoiding. In dubbing me INFAMOUS
she told me two things.
The first
thing was that people talked about me when I wasn't around. Now for
me that is kind of hard to believe. I have always thought that I was the
kind of person that you liked when he was around, but when he wasn't there
you almost nearly forgot that you had met him. I am not looking for
any kind of pity about that last statement, so move on and don't look at
the car wreck too closely.
Secondly,
I gleaned from her tone that those things may not have always been the
nicest things. That those things that others had said to her about
me were in fact naughty. And as many of you may know I like naughty.
It makes me feel less like "the nice guy" that so many of my prom dates
told me that I was. It made me think that some how I could in fact
overcome the curse that had branded me "most likely to not kill any one"
in high school.
The end
of this story goes like this. I talked to Deb and many other lovely
ladies for the rest of the evening, and I don't know if it was the alcohol
or the infamy that freed me up to be a little less awkward, but I enjoyed
the hell out of the rest of the evening and my new found infamy.
If you have been infamous all your life, my little tale may have no significance
to you. As you look around at the bodies that have piled up around your
throne of skulls you may be yawning, but to me it was nice to have a little
infamy even if it grew out of some tour member mentioning me to one cute
girl and me hearing about it at some party.
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