I guess those of you reading this are pretty well split between you who met me before I grew facial hair and those I will call my beard friends. (That is not a reference to my sexuality by the way.) For the past several years all of the hair, with the exception of that hair on areas of my body covered by clothes, has been in constant flux.
    I've been bald and I've been shaggy. I have had a smooth face and a full beard. I have had side burns down to my jaw and I have had no side burns at all. Through all of these changes people still seem to recognize me on the street.
    The other night I went to an audition and the woman signing people in said, "You're Scott." I said, "Good Guess." She said, "No, you look like your head shot." The funny part is that as soon as Sorcerer's Apprentice ended I shaved off all of my facial hair, which I am most definitely wearing in said head shot.
    For those of you wondering it was an audition for a children's theatre. Not Porn. I know many of you have your hopes set on me starting my career in Porn. But, my plan is to have a wonderfully creative acting career, spiral out of control in a haze of drugs and liquor and end my career in  a horrible Porn film. The film will based on the erotic adventures of a super spy, his dream to become the world's greatest lover. It will be either be called The World is in My Pants or Octopenis.
    But back to the girl recognizing me from my head shot. Now the argument could be made that I have a striking visage. It could even be said that the light of my eyes is captured in the photo in much the same way that it is real life. My personal theory of why all of the follicle changes have done very little to disguise me from those around me is simple. The size of my head.
    I quite honestly have a big head. Whether my hair is there or not, I have a distinctly large cranium. Sometimes I feel the size of my skull and realize the immensity of said structure. And while it might be a slight exaggeration that my head is gigantic, I am quite serious when I tell you I have not been able to wear an adjustable baseball cap since I was fifteen. They don't make XXL hats. The only hat I have that fits was banned by several of my friends who said that it made them angry.
    Now some of you may have heard that The Replacements, a movie I worked on as an extra for three months in 1999, is coming out. I had my face painted red, white and blue and am wearing a giant red foam cowboy hat. I have had confirmation that I did not end up on the cutting room floor, but am indeed in the film. I dance and wave my ass around for a couple of seconds. It is exciting news, but I am worried a little.
    What happens when you take an admittedly large head and stretch it across a 30 foot movie screen? I can tell you what happens, horror. I am ashamed to admit it, but I'm afraid my head may in fact be too big for film. I know what your thinking, what about all the other great big headed actors? Men like Carroll O'Connor and Oliver Platt? Well, with a few exceptions Mr. O'Connor is a television actor and Mr. Platt while known for his film work, even as we speak is making the move to television.
    Perhaps television is the way for big headed actors to succeed? Perhaps the square screen is more complimentary to the big headed actor? Yet there is troubling news on that front as well. The advent of things like High Definition Televisions with rectangular screens and DVD players with wide screen options may eliminate even this avenue of endeavor to us the cranially over advantaged. This all leads me to one sad conclusion, I could end up working in Porn sooner than I thought.

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