Wee Hughie was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked:
�Anything I can get you, Hughie?�
No reply.
�Have you got a last wish, Hughie?�
Faintly, came the answer. . . �a wee bit of of that boiled ham over yonder.�
�Wheesht, man,� said Maggie, �you know fine that�s for the your funeral.�
An Englishman, lecturing on his travels, was speaking disparagingly about the Scots in Canada and the mixing of the race with the Indians.
�You�ll find,� he said, �a great number of Scots half-breeds and French half�breeds, but you cannot find any English half-breeds.�
�Not surprisingly,� shouted Wee Hughie in the audience. �The squaws had to draw the line somewhere.
Two shipwrecked Scots had been hanging on for hours to an upturned boat.
Wee Hughie, realizing that he might not be able to hold our much longer, began to recount his past misdeeds, and to vow that if he escaped he would in future lead an entirely new life.
Suddenly, there was a cry from his comrade in distress:
" Wait, Hughie ! Don't commit yourself yet - I think I see land ! "
GREATEST COUNTRY
"Where do you come from?" the Scotsman asked an American.
"From the greatest country in the world," replied the American.
"Funny," said the Scotsman, "you've got the strangest Scottish accent I've ever heard."
A cute Highland girl was giving a manicure to a man in Dunkeld barber shop. The man said, " How about a date later ? " She said, " I'm married."
" So call up your husband and tell him you're going to visit a girlfriend." She replied, " You tell him yourself- he's shaving you."
One day Wee Hughie bought a bottle of fine whiskey and while walking home he fell.
Getting up he felt something wet on his pants.
He looked up at the sky and said,"Oh lord please I beg you let it be blood!"