Random Quotes/Thoughts . . .

Help for an aspiring Fighter Pilot...
[why you should be a C-130 pilot]

To LtCol Ventura,

Sir I am DJ Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to be an F16 fighter pilot of the USAF. What classes should I take in high school to help the career I want to take later in my life. What could I do to get in the academy.

Sincerely
DJ Baker

-----End of Original Message-----

Subject: FW: Anybody want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace?
From: Lt Col Ventura

Dear DJ,
Obviously, through no fault of your own, your young, impressionable brain has been poisoned by the superfluous, hyped-up, "Top Gun" media portrayal of fighter pilots. Unfortunately, this portrayal could not be further from the truth. In my experience, I've found most fighter pilots pompous, back-stabbing, momma's boys with inferiority complexes, as well as being extremely over-rated aeronautically. However, rather than dash your budding dreams of becoming an USAF pilot, I offer the following alternative.

What you REALLY want to aspire to is the exciting, challenging, and rewarding world of TACTICAL AIRLIFT.

And this, young DJ, means one thing - the venerable, workhorse C-130! I can guarantee no fighter pilot can brag that he has led a 12-ship formation down a valley at 300 ft above the ground, while trying to interpret a 9-line to a new DZ, avoiding pop-up threats, and coordinating with AWACS, all while eating a box lunch, with the engineer in the back taking a piss and the navigator puking in his trash can!

I tell you, DJ, TAC Airlift is where it's at. Where else is it legal to throw tanks, HMMWVs, and other crap out the back of an airplane, and not even worry about it when the chute doesn't open and it torpedos the General's staff car! No where else can you land on a 3000' dirt strip, kick a bunch of ammo and stuff off the ramp without even stopping, then take off again before range control can call to tell you you've landed on the wrong LZ!

And talk about exotic travel-when C-130s go somewhere, they GO somewhere (usually for 3 months, unfortunately). This gives you the opportunity to immerse yourself in the culture enough to give any local population a bad taste in their mouths, not something those strat-lift pilots can do from their airport hotel rooms!

As far as recommendations for your course of study, I offer these. Take a lot of math courses. You will need all the advanced math skills you can muster to facilitate the calculation of per diem rates around the world, and when trying to split up the crew's bar tab so that the co-pilot really believes he owes 85% of the whole thing.

Health sciences are important, too. You will need a thorough knowledge of biology to make those educated guesses of how much longer you can drink beer before the tremendous case of the shits catches up to you from that meal you ate at that place that had the belly dancers in some God-forsaken foreign country whose name you can't even pronounce!

Social studies are also beneficial. It is important for a good TAC Airlifter to have the cultural knowledge to be able to ascertain the exact location of the nearest titty bar in any country in the world, then be able to convince the local authorities to release the loadmaster after he offends every sensibility of the local religion and culture.

A foreign language is helpful, but not required. You will never be able to pronounce the names of the NAVAIDs in France, and it's much easier to ignore them and go where you want to anyway.

A study of geography is also paramount. You will need to know the basic location of all the places you've been when you get back from your TDY and are ready to stick those little pins in that huge world map you've got taped to you living room wall, right next to that gigantic wooden giraffe statue and beer stein collection.

Well, DJ, I hope this little note inspires you. And by the way, forget about that Academy thing. All TAC Airlifters know that there are waaay too few women and too little alcohol there to provide a well-balanced education.

A nice, big state college would be a much better choice.
Good luck and see you on the SKE scope!

Maj. Lowenfast

 

Sent: 3/4/2003 11:52:21 AM

Subject: A letter from Charlie Daniels...
An Open Letter To The Hollywood Bunch

OK, let's just say for a moment you bunch of pampered, overpaid, unrealistic children had your way and the U.S.A. didn't go into Iraq.

Let's say that you really get your way and we destroy all our nuclear weapons and stick daisies in our gun barrels and sit around with some white wine and cheese and pat ourselves on the back, so proud of what we've done for world peace.

Let's say that we cut the military budget to just enough to keep the National Guard on hand to help out with floods and fires. Let's say that we close down our military bases all over the world and bring the troops home, increase our foreign aid and drop all the trade sanctions against everybody.

I suppose that in your fantasy world this would create a utopian world where everybody would live in peace. After all, the great monster, the United States of America, the cause of all the world's trouble would have disbanded it's horrible military and certainly all the other countries of the world would follow suit. After all, they only arm themselves to defend their countries from the mean old U.S.A.

Will you bunch of pitiful, hypocritical, idiotic, spoiled mugwumps get your head out of the sand and smell the Trade Towers burning? Do you think that a trip to Iraq by Sean Penn did anything but encourage a wanton murderer to think that the people of the U.S.A. didn't have the nerve or the guts to fight him?

Barbara Streisand's fanatical and hateful rankings about George Bush makes about as much sense as Michael Jackson hanging a baby over a railing. You people need to get out of Hollywood once in a while and get out into the real world. You'd be surprised at the hostility you would find out here.

Stop in at a truck stop and tell an overworked, long-distance truck driver that you don't think Saddam Hussein is doing anything wrong. Tell a farmer with a couple of sons in the military that you think the United States has no right to defend itself. Go down to Baxley, Georgia and hold an anti-war rally and see what the folks down there think about you. Please visit Clarksville, Tennessee and the 101st Airborne and talk that S*IT. Please visit those Real American's.

You people are some of the most disgusting examples of a waste of protoplasm I've ever had the displeasure to hear about.

Sean Penn, you're a traitor to the United States of America. You gave aid and comfort to the enemy. How many American lives will your little, "fact finding trip" to Iraq cost? You encouraged Saddam to think that we didn't have the stomach for war. You people protect one of the most evil men on the face of this earth and won't lift a finger to save the life of an unborn baby.

Freedom of choice you say? Well, I'm going to exercise some freedom of choice of my own. If I see any of your names on a marquee, I'm going to boycott the movie. I will completely stop going to movies if I have to. In most cases it certainly wouldn't be much of a loss.

You scoff at our military who's boots you're not even worthy to shine. They go to battle and risk their lives so ingrates like you can live in luxury. The day of reckoning is coming when you will be faced with the undeniable truth that the war against Saddam Hussein is the war on terrorism.

America is in imminent danger. You're either for her or against her. There is no middle ground. I think we all know where you stand. I will stand with the soldiers, airmen, and sailors, the hard-working men and women of this great country. Not the overpaid, pansy a*s, Hollywood wimp wanna be's, and has-beens, who can't hold a candle to real American's, the middle class blue collar workers.

What do you think? Boycott any Hollywood type that protest against the USA.

God Bless America
Charlie Daniels

 

Email: 03 April 2003
God Bless 'er

To nobody's surprise, there were protestors today in DC. They attempted to disrupt the metro system and block the Key Bridge, a leading artery into DC f rom Northern Virginia. I got hosed twice because I come in from Northern Virginia on the metro and it was raining hard, which makes traffic even worse. My commute was long and arduous and only caused further resentment for protestors (but that isn't the point of this thread).

Anyway, I'll get to the point. I got off my train in Rosslyn because I had to use the bathroom and the train was moving quite slowly. When I was getting back on the train, there were protestors on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and when a young (20ish) female protestor offered her a pamphlet, she politely declined. The young protestor put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and, in a very soft voice, said, "Ma'am, don't you care about the children of Iraq?" The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my first husband died in France during World War II so that you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth your country. And if you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it."

I'm glad to report that loud applause broke out among the onlookers and the young protestor was at a total loss for words.

 

 

Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan...  what we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

(Its hard to argue with this logic!)

Robin Williams' plan....

I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace.  So, here's one plan

1) The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present.  We will promise never to "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines.  They don't want us there.  We would station troops at our borders.  No more sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.  We'll give them a free trip home.  After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are.  France would welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 day visits unless given a special permit.  No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in.  If you don't like it there, change it yourself, don't hide here.  Asylum would not ever be available to anyone.  We don't need any more cab drivers.

5) No "students" over age 21.  The older ones are the bombers.  If they don't attend classes, they get a "D"
and it's back home, baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self sufficient energy wise.  This will include developing non polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil.  If they don't like it, we go someplace else.

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere".  They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need.  Besides, most of what we give them gets "lost" or is taken by their army.  The people who need it most get very little, anyway.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an island some place. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here.  Besides, it would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
9b) Use the buildings as replacement for the twin towers.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.

Now, ain't that a winner of a plan.

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'"

Robin Williams

 
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