| Journal Entry for June 8, 2001 |
| I'm back in Paris and I can only describe my trip as "shocking." I don't know how else to say it so I'll just say it-Mom is alive! Even writing it down doesn't make it seem real. Still feels like a dream. I knew something was strange when Edmund Grey asked to do a story on Mom after all these years, but not in my wildest dreams did I expect to find my Mom alive and well when I went to investigate. I knocked on the door at Wildwind and asked for Edmund. He wasn't there so I turned to leave when Mom's voice came out of nowhere. I didn't think to turn around because her voice was only in my head, wasn't it? There was no way she was calling to me for real. However she spoke again and it took all the energy I had to turn around. Seeing her in the doorway was just a trick my mind was playing. It could not be her! I could not hold myself up and began to sink to the ground when I felt my mother's arms pick me up, as she had done a million times before. It was at that moment that I knew my Mom was really here with me. She wasn't a memory, she wasn't a figment of my imagination, she was real. It sounds so simple but we spent a few hours catching up. I had much to tell her and I still have much to tell her. However she asked me to leave. Why? As always there is some unknown danger and she doesn't want it to affect me. Still trying to protect her little girl but I am not a little girl anymore. I wasn't letting her go again. I have lost too many people. This discussion led to Stone. I had thought about telling her numerous times as we talked but how do you tell a parent you have HIV and might one day develop AIDS and get sick? I didn't realize how much I needed to tell her until she told me I had to leave. I need her. I need her to tell me I am going to be okay. I could see the shock in her face when I told her. Shock turned to fear for me but that was quickly hidden to protect me. She embraced me and told me it would be alright. Even thought I knew she was being brave for me I couldn't help believe her as those were the words that I have been waiting for since Alan told me I had the virus. Why is it that we believe our parents words of comfort more than friends or family even though they say the exact same thing? All I know is I need my Mom and I know she needs me. A threat is keeping us apart and I know my Mom will do all she can to make sure it is safe to be together again. Waiting for the day to come that Mom and I can once again be a family is very difficult. I can't wait to take her home to Port Charles to see Uncle Mac, Felicia, Luke and all her friends. And although Mom does not know what happened to Dad and no one has heard from him since the boat explosion, I can't help but think Dad is out there somewhere waiting to come home! Robin |
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