I am an idiot. I am just an idiot. Or, at least I feel like one.
Gibson got home tonight, and promptly realized I had her keys, so she was locked out. So, I dropped what I was doing at the time (trying to decypher car insurance renewal information) and headed over there, toting along the new Eddie Izzard DVD I bought her for her birthday and a couple IBCs I'd just bought while grocery shopping (it was her 21st birthday, so I bought her a beer... get it? ROOT beer, but beer). I thought maybe we'd check out the DVD, have some good laughs, then I'd come home and sleep. It's an hour-long comedy show, I can afford to give up an hour, right?
I got there and she sprang a surprise on me. It was meant to be a great, fun surprise, but I'm an idiot, remember -- I didn't take it as a good surprise. She and Larry hadn't eaten yet, so Larry was going to make his famous macaroni and cheese for them to have as supper, and Gibson had rented a movie... so the plan was, come home and say, "Hey, Schwang! Guess what? We're going up to Larry's for dinner and a movie!"
Problems: I had already eaten, I have work tomorrow, I'm already tired, I can't give up two hours, and I really wanted to go.
I really wanted to hang out and have a good time, but I can't. I have work tomorrow morning, I have to plan at least some activity for after-care, and I have to still do some work around the house. So I'm torn. I still feel a bit betrayed about the whole DC trip in the first place, and now I feel a bit betrayed that they're still making and executing plans without me. So I got depressed and upset... and interestingly enough, it actually felt like a weight hit me when those emotions set in. Anyway, I came home and wrote this, feeling like at least half an idiot. The other half feels like I made progress, because Gibson and I had a really open, honest discussion about how I'm feeling right now. But even at that, I was kind of a jerk to her, and I certainly don't want to be that.
Sigh.
I felt like I needed to write this because I think writing it out is a pretty good cathartic exercise. Hope it's working...
Right now, I'm going to finish this cream soda, shower, and go to bed in an air conditioned room with a book of game ideas for kids. I feel very tired, hot, and depressed. I need to sleep. I'll feel better in the morning, I'm sure.
Good night, everybody.