SCHUPID HOROSCOPES

MARCH 21 - APRIL 19

Today is not your day. You are cursed in a foreign language by someone you dont know and have never seen before in your life. you forget to brush your teeth and wonder why no one seems to want to talk to you all day. Change your perspective maybe someone will actually listen to you this time.

APRIL 20 - MAY 20

Opportunity knocks at the door, but not yours. Be optimistic it wont change your your luck but at least you will be happy in your misery.If loved ones seem to be distant it is because they want to get away from you. take a vacation it will do everyone around you a world of good.

MAY 21 - JUNE 21

Take some time to laugh at yourself, everyone else will. taking your friends for granted leads to you losing them. talk about your problems with your best friend, YOURSELF!! You become a lonely insane person that little children fear.

JUNE 22 - JULY 22

Your usually sound judgement fails you, leaving you in a horrible mess of confusion and chaos that is all of your own doing. Love holds a surprise as the person you adore thinks you are GAY. Take some time for introspection, you may lern why everyone calls you @$$#*(&.

JULY 23 - AUGUST 22

A change in routine is welcome as the reality of your purposeless existence manifests itself in overwhelming boredom. Try something new, like a bath. little things get to you and you get frustrated easily. everyone seems to be against you.

AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22

Household chores and errands seem daunting and never-ending but only because they are. Your dog dies from choking on your cat. Don't waste time trying to impress someone, you are a born loser so it will not work. getting into a relationship is long overdue but seemingly impossible.

SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 23

Your lucky star shines bright but only briefly before it goes out. NEW enterprises holds tonnes of success but not for you. Make peace with yourself you have nothing better to do anyway. Planning get together's is not a good idea you may soon realise that you have not been invited to any.

OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 22

Your KC dinnermint wrapper lines fail to woo that special someone and you are left wondering if you should have bought DIANNA POWER mints instead. "Friends" avoid you like the plague. You wonder if it has anything to do with those strange bumps covering your skin.

NOVEMBER 23 - DECEMBER 21

Today holds turmoil and frustration as your true love falls seriously ill, the VET says there is little he can do. Be BOLD make a fashion statement, wear a paper bag over your head. your lucky number is 8750183750825198452892452938528356208357208572097502984798716591874296510278406519874065197

DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 19

today holds unbelievable stress and tension. YOU are so overworked and mentally drained that it takes a toll on you physically. YOU need to laugh, you could look in the mirror but it is cracked from the last time you looked at it. The silver lining in the cloud is actually your sight deteriorating.. You have no hope, no recourse, you are doomed

JANUARY 20 - FEBRUARY 18

Be more open minded and carefree, so what if no one likes YOU. they never have, live with it. Keep in mind everyone makes mistakes, even your parents. take a hint, read between the lines, the one you are after is NOT playing "hard to get"

FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20

life may seem to be bearing down on you, but reality is that it already hit you. DONt bother to get up it will only hit you again and again and again.. In fact if you stay down it will STILL hit you again. the emotional scars will be huge and horrible.but on the bright side it will match the physical ones.