the nights are long in bosnia. it begins to get dark around 5 and it stays black until 8 or so. i grow tired of the night. i work everynight. all night. it weighs on me. graveyard shifts. but some things make it easier. friends. those wonderful things make the night simpler to bear. hopper. billy. liz. jaclyn. aymee. eminy. miller. chavez. linan. these people i've met who are scattered all over the world and bring a smile to my face in the midst of waist deep snow and a scarring cold. these people who keep me from talking to myself and watching the same movies for the 90th time. these people who sit for hours and make me feel like i'm not alone and stranded in the hills and vallies of the balkans mountains. i appreciate it. and i'm thankful they are there. they keep me from feeling alone.
January 16, 2000
3 things i believe:
work like you don't need the money,
love like you've never been hurt,
and dance like no one is watching.
people convince themselves of how they think the world sees them. they surround themselves in a comfort zone that only they can live with. "no i don't have a sense of humor" "no, i'm not attractive" "my personality sucks" "the world just doesn't like me" if you only knew, which you obviously don't, you would only surprise yourself. does a sense of self worth come with age? do feelings for yourself ever get easier to realize? will you believe in yourself before you belittle who you are? you're full of complaints and i'll try to convice you other wise and you'll argue. this doesn't make sense. why do you disagree when someone tries to make you see how the rest of us see you? do you think i'm lying? you must like feeling that way. that's the only answer i can come up with.