December 18, 1999
today is my little brothers birthday. he turns 9. and i'm not there.
it's been weeks since i talked to him. i feel rotton.
i miss him so much. those little tiny hugs and 1, 2, 3, squeezes.
how can i be missing him grow up. how can i be on the other side of the earth and know life still goes on there. at home.
i've been trying to call on the phone for days but the time diffrence is killing me. that damn answering machine is so disheartening. discouraging.
but i keep trying.
and my mother doesn't help the situation. she does not keep my stamina level. she brings up old shit. rubs it in and thinks that everything has affected her in the worst way. she won't let it die.
and this is destroying my relationship with my brother. my little tiny brother who is turning 9 today. and i'm not there.