December 10, 1999
yesterday i checked my bank account by phone and i discovered that my phone bill(callback service) was close to $300. this was totally unexpected. it looks to my like LJP totally took advantage of me again.
this phone bill is going to run havok on my account. i'm not sure how many checks are gonna bounce because of this, or how long it is going to take to recover.
i'm not really surprised. it's just LJP taking using me again.
ya know i just don't get it. i guess i'm a fool. or maybe i'm just to nice.
i left the phone on so that she could call her daughter from the states.
i should have just said enough is enough and left her to her own little disfunctional world.
but i thought, even then, that i could changer her. that there was still hope. that she would realize how crazy she was acting and fix herself. if not for me then for her self.
i don't know if she is still in florida. i don't know if they arrested her yet. i don't know anything.
the last thing she told me was that she was already living with another guy and she had no money or job.
so basically she was giving up the cooty to have a roof over her head.
is that prostitution?
if it is then it's just one more thing on the very long list of just how fucked up this poor girl really is.
it's crazy to me but it seems that the women in the world are usually the ones who think they can change the men.
i feel so betrayed. she never respected me.
i couldn't even imagine. even after our down fall i never would do something to potentially hurt or screw her... may be i'm just a sap.
i'm really afraid she has ruined me for the next girl i fall in love with.
how can i trust again? will i trust again??
my buddy skip headed off to Tuzla last night. he said he will be there for the weekend. he said he just had to get away from sarajevo for a while. we talked for a long time. it was very cool. i think he is very glad we became friends because bosnians just don't understand the type of relationships that we as the american "generation X" are used to having in the states. it is just a very diffrent culture over here. one that i think will be forever affected by the war.
we decided to hook up in either japan or back in germany. i think we will.
he's really worried that he'll never get back to the states. since he lost his job he doesn't think it will be easy to get another.. the economy here in bosnia is so bad that if you lose a job you'll never get another.
i'm concerned about him.