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I cry sometimes. Doesn't anyone else know how I fucking feel? I feel alone and everyone seems the same and I just want to be a stranger to everyone. I can't find my smile when everything around me seems to be caving in. I can feel these walls in the way and I don't want to feel anything...I can see everything falling away and I'm the only thing left--pitiful, wasted, fucked over little girl. I need to take another moment to wash away all this burning nothingness that clings to me and makes me crave to be something I can never be. Can't anyone feel me? I just need out of here. Does anyone ever feel this worthless and this weak and this low? Can't I just leave these feelings on the side just like all the other shit that blinds me with my own tears. Inside my lies I can see all the things that I never wanted to face. I know all these tears are just the side-effects of time over all the years and of all the goodbyes. Just drift into me and let me know I'm not the only one that feels so fucking lost in this huge world of shit...
One day, I swear to God, I'm just going to load my car up and leave in the night, not tellng anyone, and drive and drive until I run out of money. Go to a place where no one knows my name and strangers surround me; a place where I can start over.
Ehh...Killswitch Engage kicks much ass. That's all.
Met this really incredible guy...Realizing that a lot can happen in just three months. He's perfect...I really have a great time being with him and it's just...perfect. Yes, I am being such a girl about this.
It's wonderful. I feel like finally I might be getting somewhere with another person...really connecting to someone and sometimes I think he knows what I'm feeling without me even telling him. AHHHHHHHHH I'm such a puss. I don't care. Used to be so afraid to just take a chance on someone and put faith and trust in one person. That was until Nate came along, I guess. Figured I'd might as well just put everything I have into him because everything I'd ever known/trusted in had failed me. Best decision I've ever made.
I never thought I'd have so much fun just laying around and listening to music or just talking...This is by far the best relationship I've been in so far and Nate is by far the shiznit of all men. Haha. I'll bet he's reading this and smiling...you know I love that smile, crackhead.
Shows I'm excited about:
STH and Breaking Benjamin
STH and Johnny Cash [oh nate!!!!!]
Lacuna Coil and Opeth
AFI
Ozzfest in Jersey
~~Wishing Katatonia would come to the states~~
It's so good to be alive sometimes.
Good to taste all the things I've always wanted.
...Loving every second of falling for the last time.
