Episode 1: Sneak Preview 9/19/02

On the very first SF Episode of all time, two home viewers, so intrigued by what they see on their television, come to the studio eager to be a part of history on the inaugural broadcast! Schneider also introduces viewers to several crew members and promises that this show will forever change Binghamton University! The SF Website claims Bill Maher and Dennis Miller as inspirations in the real world and since both were cancelled, the time was ripe for Matt Schneider's entrance!

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Caller: You look like your favorite band is KC & the Sunshine Band!
Matt: You hit the nail on the thumb you idiot!
2.Pissed Off Viewer: You need to give your audience direction!
Matt: NORTH!
3.(Guest Walks On)Matt: Nice to be here ... is what I'm sure you are thinking.
4.Caller: I have a question.
Matt:I have an answer, you go first!
5.Matt:Think then drink! Remember, I'm not saying don't drink, I'm just saying think first!

Episode 2: Premiere Episode 9/26/02

The first official episode kicks off with a bang. Schneider claims to have been "screwed" out of the Newing Presidency and kicked out of Newing the year prior, blaming the current NCC executive board. Sensing the same corruption, bias, and incompetency in that e-board as in the U.S. government, Schneider embarks on a quest for the truth - debuting two of his truth seeking friends in this episode! The umbrella of truth and the purple shirt of truth (distant cousins) are unveiled! In this episode his quest leads him through a passionate gun control debate with the Cuban-born Annie who Matt intended to smoke when the debate was over. Luckily, she wasn't packing heat since this spitfire left the set screaming and crying claiming she did not have an opportunity to let her voice be heard on the Factor! During the next segment, (a skit by the the short-lived comedy duo the Rough Ryders) careful listeners can hear the Cuban stage a missle crisis of her own, launching every cuss word in the book at your humble correspondent! To wrap up the show, Schneider answers some calls, squashing the defense that guns are not to blame since "people kill people."

Schneider on the Street:
Schneider runs around with an umbrella interviewing the men and women on the streets of Binghamton. VP of BU, Rodger Summers defends why smoking will be banned in residence halls, a girl debates midget cloning, and Matt readily ships off someone who is ready to go join the war in Iraq despite the small caveat that at press time no war was being fought.

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Caller: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you ... (Click)
Matt: And then he hangs up! What a vocabulary.
2.Caller: Why would I watch you ... ER is on!
Matt: Fair enough! If I had ER's budget then you'd be watching me instead!
3.Matt: "Lady sit down ... I need glue for this seat!
4.Pro-Gun Annie: Matt you embarassed yourself to me as a host and as a person.
Matt:Thank you Annie, that means a lot to me. I'm glad to have embarassed someone!
5.Matt:Hunting rifles are just as bad as guns ... shoot someone in the eye and they become Ray Charles!

Closing Song:Neverman's Schneider Factor Theme!

Episode 3: Guns, Lies, & Cigarettes 10/3/02

This episode begins with technical difficulties and ends with tempers flaring behind the scenes, but as for the on-camera events things were as chaotic as ever! BTV President Jeff was the invited guest to continue the red hot debate on gun control and things reached a fever pitch after Jeff blamed Schneider for Columbine and Matt continually called Jeff an idiot for saying cars were more dangerous than guns. After screaming "what would you do if someone pulled a gun on you Matt Schneider?" Jeff simulated that very act, bringing Matt to his knees with what Matt later discovered was a toy gun. However, true to his convictions, Schneider refused to say under the circumstances he wished he had a gun, instead Matt only screamed, "Let's go to a clip!" And the show went on!

Extra Video Clips:
A segment written by the Rough Ryders saw George Bush seek the counsel of his newest secretary - Secretary of the Force, Master Yoda and an outraged SF viewer, known only as the Masked Man, taped a piece comparing Schneider's omnipresence on the Binghamton University campus to a Chairman of a Communist State, where everyone would be forced to bow to pictures of Schneider!

Schneider on the Street:
Schneider is out and about with his umbrella when the Speak Out NY bus welcomes him aboard. Anxious to have Matt record a message for the candidates for NY State governor, Matt remembers his priorities and keeps the focus on the Factor, being sure to ridicule them for living on a bus and telling Pataki not to cut education funding. Upon hopping off the bus, a line of people are fuming about the verdict concerning the ban on cigarettes in residence halls and the Factor is indeed their forum to vent their smoke ... I mean steam!

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Caller: Matt Schneider ... I like the show, but I hate you!
2.Caller: You're great! Those callers are the losers home watching you on a Thursday night!
Matt: Thanks, I think.
3.Caller: I love your show. And you're so sexy!
Matt: I can't argue with facts!
4.Caller: You are a fuckin' loser!
Matt:Wow! That's my best review yet. Can I quote you for my advertisement?
5.Matt:You can love me, you can hate me, but one thing is for sure ... you'll never forget me!

Closing Song:Don't You Forget About Me

Episode 4: Mr. Schneider's Opus 10/10/02

Although uneventful on the surface, this episode actually marks the beginning of two of the Schneider Factor's greatest outside sources of advertisement! Quotes from this episode inspired the creation of the first and the greatest Schneider Factor Unofficial Fan Website! as most of the songs include excerpts from this episode. Furthermore, the host of the Factor's timeslot lead-in Spit on This logged his first angry and jealous phone call to the ratings dominating show known as the Factor. For the rest of the season, James would try his best to emulate the success of this show and piss off Schneider at the same time, yet round one went to Matt here as he quickly eliminated the host of "Shit on This" by claiming Matt's own spit was more intelligent than James. Elsewhere on the show, an experiment to steer the Schneider Factor away from Fox News Channel and towards a Tonight Show with Matt Schneider, went unfortunately awry when a well-talented band played on and on to awkward and non-crowd pleasing results. A change was indeed on the horizon!

Schneider on the Street:
As the street segment grows in popularity, people start to recognize the umbrella and are aware they can reach thousands by speaking the truth under it for the Factor. A group of art students seek out nude models for their class and give anyone who can't find their clothes the opportunity to earn a quick buck!

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Matt: Is there another caller? Callers out there ... don't complain to me tomorrow that you couldn't get through, because right now ... open air time and nobody is calling!
2.Band Member: What are you implying?
Matt: I imply nothing. I only say what I mean!
3.Matt: The VP of Programming for the SA wants me to tell you to go see Jim Breur this weekend. He might be funny ... probably won't be.
4.Caller: The band was great. Did I mention I am deaf?
5.Matt: I hear a voice screaming in the background. Either that means its my alternate personality or a caller!

Closing Song:Saddam Hussein's I Can Change

Episode 5: A Jam Packed Turning Point
With a Hint of War! 10/17/02

Those watching tonight's episode were indeed treated to a breath of fresh air and what many critics call the tightest and most professional episodes of the Factor in its short history. Clocking in at an exact 60 minutes, fans were left salivating for more as rapid fire segments came from every which direction. First up was Matt's much talked about inspirational montage. To viewers it seemed as if Matt was closing the umbrella for good, disgusted with the lack of support the show was getting from some, but then, in a moment of true glory Schneider beared witness to the students of Binghamton showing their support for the show by holding up a simple piece of paper advertising the Factor. As Matt shed a tear in front of the famous fountain, the many supporters of the Factor gave Schneider a new drive to bring the Factor to even greater heights than imagined! The show then went live to the studio where Matt had the biggest "get" of the week, the just announced Student of the Year Alana! With the exclusive, Schneider got her to share all of her secrets for success. Speedily moving along, Schneider, the pro-war antagonist squared off against two peace-seeking intellects. Callers joined the chaos of the debate to bring this show to conclusion. Furthermore, this episode is believed to be the basis for the pro/con review of the Schneider Factor that was published in Binghamton University's newspaper, Pipe Dream. Tonight the SF vision was put solidly on the right track!

Schneider on the Street:
Marge Simpson's smoking sisters move over, because two passionates smokers light it up with Matt in a ferocious debate, under the comfort of the umbrella and right outside the new Union. Matt suggests marijuana could be legal if it were contained in some specific place, maybe like the state of Oregon; however, the ladies blow smoke on the idea and say they are fed up with the government and now the University telling them how to live their lives! This interview was smokin'!

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Matt: Don't say I don't do research! I research!
2.Caller: Schneider, I live on your floor!
Matt: I don't know you!
Caller: I'll introduce myself to you.
Matt:Great I'll be sure to walk right past you!
3.Caller: Hey Schneider I bet you weren't Salutatorian of your high school!
Matt:I bet you're right because if I was I would not be going to Binghamton!
4.Student of the Year: I'm going to graduate school for Industrial Occupational Psychology
Matt:Or what we in the business like to call IOP.
SOTY:No one calls it that.
Matt: You're right.
5.Matt: Give a hand for Student of the Year...she's everywhere you want to be and I'm not talking about the Visa card baby!
6.Caller: Do you think we should bomb Iraq because they are a threat to us?
Matt: No, I'm telling you to bomb them because they're our best friend! Yes they're a threat to us!

Closing Song:Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Episode 6: Grillin' & Chillin' With Socialism 10/24/02

Here lies one of the most talked about episodes with one of the most requested segments for repeat viewing. It begins with Schneider fuming over his guest, VP of Programming Coral, cancelling her appearance on the show at the last minute. To the suprise of many, Matt refused to go quietly into that good night and got an even more prestigious guest - a superior to her on the Student Association, Executive Vice President Josh Shapiro!. For over thirty minutes Josh and Matt fiercely debated eveything from Binghamton-related issues like the class drop deadline, the quality of campus publications, and parking, while also discussing the night's suggested topic of socialism. Later on in the show Matt fielded calls as the phones lit up more frequently than in weeks past. And sandwiched in between was the now world-famous "Schneider on Your Sider" interview segment with Grill Chef Mike! With Matt trying his hardest to return Mike to his post behind the grill and save him from his punishment of washing dishes, many viewers shed a tear for the grizzled Grill Chef. As Schneider compared Mike to a soldier saying "You don't keep a soldier out of the army," Mike showed his appreciation with a few phlegm infested coughs and a smile that kept his cigarette firmly in place.

Schneider on the Street:
As Schneider works the street this time around he collects the comman man's thoughts about Iraq. All of a sudden, screams of "Schneider" ring throughout the city of Binghamton as a group of girls try to get Matt's attention by screaming out the third story window of the new union. Rather than let their hair down, they let the truth be heard by praising the Factor while also promoting some of their NYPIRG events. From there Schneider makes a dash along the green mile (the pathway between the union and the Famous Fountain) to the tune of the "Bad Boys" Cops song to wrap up the segment. As he tries to cap the show with the trademark jump into the fountain, Schneider constantly gets interrupted by people wanting a quick glimpse of the truth under the Umbrella of Truth. The Binghamton Review editor-in-chief books himself an appearance on the show while a past graduate teaching assistant recalls Schneider as the student who saw the distinguished TA mixing things up with some strippers at Teazers. Finally, Matt gets to jump into the fountain to bathe in truth.

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Matt: Hey sniper, if you're gonna kill and you want to make an impact, kill celebrities! Don't snipe innocent nobodies!
2.Matt: I really do have issues with Pipe Dream.
Executive Vice President: And so do I!
Matt: Wait a minute Josh...I was just pretending to like you before but now I really do like you!
3.Caller: Tonight is a Thursday night. I think I'm going to go out and drink and not think!
Matt: NO! At the very least think about drinking!
4.Caller: What's the deal with the haircut?
Matt: Haircut? Hair grows-it's gotta be cut-no deal!
5.Matt: Wow Pipe Dream. The complaints are piling up. The pipes are starting to fill up with complaints. You better start dreaming for a new paper!
6.EVP: It's the spirit of America for the poor from other countries to be able to come here and get rich.
Matt: Or they can come here, remain poor, commit crimes and ruin our society. One or the other...it's either this or that, I guess. Uh...maybe I went a little extreme.

Closing Song:Escape

Episode 7: Halloween Extravaganza 10/31/02

With over one hour of pre-taped Schneider on the Street footage, absolutely nothing was planned for the live in-studio part of the show. Yet one of the most unpredictable and shocking moments in the show's history did indeed occur live that night. Right at the beginning of the episode a group of girls dressed up claiming to be devoted Schneider Factor fans showed up in the studio. And boy did they prove they were fans, with one of them dressing up as Matt himself, equipped with dress shirt, umbrella, and with some black marker under her lip for no apparent reason. The girls hung around to answer calls on a truly memorable night.

Extra Video Clip:
As Schneider Factor fever ran rampant, who better to impersonate on Halloween than the humble host himself? Rabbi's, resident directors, resident assistants, students, and anyone else in reach performed their best version of Schneider's classic - "Don't Kill Me, Come on the Show!" in a music video of sorts, that one could only call frightening!

Schneider on the Street:
With Schneider off for Halloween, two extremely unforgettable characters took the spotlight. The first act saw DEATH himself running around with the umbrella of truth. Claiming the inability to be hurt since he was already dead, DEATH asked questions even Schneider might not put into words. Badgering a woman dressed as a drop of blood for a blood drive, DEATH questioned why she would not accept his blood - "If you prick us, will the dead not bleed!?!" After singing "Sister Soul Sister" to a girl and threatening death on a few more kind students, it was only a matter of time before DEATH got what was coming to him - a good old fashioned beatdown to the tune of Monster Mash playing in the background! Act II witnessed the still talked about GORGEOUS THE GORILLA run around on the street questioning a lucky few about the very controversial topic of animal medical testing. The gorilla grabbed everyone in sight. Some professors he claimed had "Escaped from the zoo" with him earlier that day, other Statistics teachers had to be present for the gorilla's failed attempt at stand-up with the classic "I need that STAT joke," and when a Congressman showed up campaigning on campus, GORGEOUS asked him if he was pro-gorilla because if he was then he surely had his vote! GORGEOUS and DEATH made their one time appearance on the factor in this episode; however, with such accaim could an encore from either performer be far off?

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Matt: Oh and you are the jolly green giant
Costumed Visitor: No I'm a peapod!
Matt: Oh...that would have been my fourth guess.
2.Matt: Binghamton's great! Where else can you do a show like this.
Costumed Visitor: Boston University, Cornell, Penn ...!
Matt:Ah...shut up!
3.Caller: My friend Geral wants to talk to you.
Matt: Wow Geraldo Rivera here live on the phone!
Caller: Matt...this is why I stopped watching your show for half a minute, because you make fun of the callers.
4.Caller: I have a personal question.
Matt: I have a personal answer, so let's make it personal!
5.Matt: That little Chinese woman packs a wallop!
6.Caller: Matt Schneider, where do you call home?
Matt: Wow, this is a full-fledged interrogation. Did I kill someone over the weekend?

Closing Song:Time Warp

Episode 8: R&R - Rabbis & Republicans 11/7/02

The schedueled topic of the night was the Israel-Palestine conflict and the pre-show response to a topic was never greater. Emails poured in to the world famous address of [email protected] and on the Radio Factor (going out live on WHRW 90.5 Binghamton Late Tues./Early Wed. from 1-3am) the phone lines were off the hook with people eager to give their suggestions for solving the conflict. However, with the Republican sweep in Congress being a very fresh news story, two political experts were brought in, one from the left and the other from the right. A noteworthy debate ensued as Schneider put on a new hat here, one of a moderator with opinions kept to a bare minimum. Then the Israel-Palestine can of worms was opened with a student on a campus requesting to be on the show through email sitting across from Schneider to deal with phone calls. The guest was extremely supportive of Israel while Schneider longed for some sort of compromise that might finally satisfy everyone. However, in the end the only ones satisfied were Binghamton students who were able to view this controversial episode!

In the Pretty Warm Seat:
The firt sitdown interview represented a new format and a new attitude for Schneider. With respected adults looking to be a part of the show, Matt had no choice but to be less confrontational and more respectful and a new setting had to be created. Enter the pre-taped "In the Pretty Warm Seat" where the seat isn't too hot, but the its just controversial enough to make the respectable guests squirm just a bit. First in line was Rabbi Slonim who fielded Matt's questions about the safety of taking a trip to Israel in these dangerous times. Although the Rabbi held back his own views about going to war with Iraq, he was completely realistic with people's concerns about going to Israel and he also helped to establish the mood of this new segment to the show!

Schneider on the Street:
This Street edition would certainly go down in history, but more on that later. Aside from the random people Matt gets to interview on his path along the green mile, this time around he also came upon a diamond in the rough. A disgruntled Math professor basked in the Factor spotlight and used it as his forum to vent his frustrations over the fact that he was deported from the country due to his Arab background and due to intense post 9/11 security concerns. Schneider, promised to follow this tense story to its conclusion and indeed the Professor would be back. Then, to the dismay of millions and especially disheartening to Schneider, the unthinkable happened. As Matt was ready to close the show with the traditional jump into the fountain the sad truth of the situation was painfully obvious - THE FAMOUS FOUNTAIN HAD BEEN TURNED OFF FOR GOOD! Left with no choice, Matt leaped into the bushes instead but the Famous Fountain will forever live in all of our hearts!

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Democrat: First of all thank you so much for letting me be on the show. It was very kind of you.
Matt: It was...I agree.
2.Caller: I think it's odd that you have two white male heterosexuals for this debate about Republicans and our government. Nice to have minorities!
Matt: None of us are minorities?
Caller: Well explain to me if you are.
Matt: OH I'M A MINORITY! ONE MAN TELLING THE TRUTH IS A MINORITY IN THIS COUNTRY. Thank you very much caller! (Debators applaud)
3.Matt: We got the bulls and the mooses going at it. I mean the elephants and the donkeys!
4.Israel Supporter: I think the Palestinian's ultimate goal, as Arafat has said, is to drive the Jews into the Mediterranean Sea.
Matt: Oh that was a figure of speech. He meant drive them across on a bridge and be like 'ooo look at the water out there my lovely Jewish friends.'
5.Matt: I'm just throwing it out there to Sharon. Sharon was scratching his head saying, 'Where's my hair' and I said I don't have that answer but I'll tell you this much...you have to start doing something to save lives.
6.Matt: Someone called up on the Radio Factor this week and said although suicide bombings are not justifiable, it is the only means they have to fight with.
Israel Supporter: That's a problem.
Matt: It is a problem... that's why we should give them guns and say just come shoot at us...don't bomb us!
7. Matt: Sharon is watching this show and he's saying 'oy vey' these are the best we can do with the callers.

Closing Song:Porcelain

Episode 9: Business is Booming 11/14/02

An entrepreneurial spirit must have been in the air as the prospect of money was on the mind of many. With the School of Management advisor booked for the show, it was the perfect time to welcome a controversial student of the week who was in hot water with the university for illegally selling T-Shirts proclaiming "Binghamton Football: Undefeated since 1945." Being featured on the cover of the week's school newspaper put him in the spotlight; however, callers freely expressed that simply being in a newspaper did not translate into an entertaining interview. "Who cares?" one caller blatantly stated. Fair enough, Schneider moved along to read some viewer email on the air and encouraged more to keep on coming. From there Rough Ryder Eamonn was encouraged to explore his own ventures, in other words, Schneider was forcing him off the crew of the Factor due to subpar performance. He was granted a final farewell debate on camera as Schneider closed the door permanently on the short history of the Rough Ryders. Yet who truly had the last laugh is up for debate since both Rough Ryders Eamonn and Jeff would, several weeks later, show up on the competing lead-in show Spit on This to put together a humorous Saturday Night Live type sketch lampooning both Schneider himself and the Factor. To close out this jam-packed show, Matt let old wounds heal and finally welcomed back Vice President of University Programming Coral after two previous cancellations on her part and after a ban on her being a guest was issued by your humble host. Coral was eager to get on the show and urge students to go out and vote in favor of the University Programming board receiving more money in order to get better bands and comedians to put on shows at Binghamton. The power of the Factor may have been evidenced with the overwhelming turnout for the vote in favor of Coral's proposal, despite an angry and informed caller who went toe to toe with Coral claiming if her proposal passed then money would be taken away from other student groups on campus! This show also began an interesting trend: Schneider completely ignoring the fact that the show was designed to be one hour. This show clocked in at a little over one and a half hours and the upcoming weeks in fact wouldn't call it a night until the Factor was going strong for two hours (until midnight).

In the Pretty Warm Seat:
In a much anticipated interview, Matt was welcomed into the office of the School of Management guru and head advisor of SOM, Mr. Brian Perry himself. Audiences of the Factor learned everything from Mr. Perry's obsession with collecting masks and memorabilia to his aspirations and predictions of where the School of Management was heading in the future. Furthermore we learned the MIS concentration is not as hot as it once was and that the main reason for SOM's low national ranking was the fact that SOM is a young business school with alumni first reaching positions of power in the corporate world now. With the entire school of management receiving email notification to watch this episode, all eyes were certainly watching Perry and Schneider expose the truth!

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.T-Shirt Guy: And I have a complimentary T-Shirt for you.
Matt: Well this is the reason you're here. See, it's not that I like you, it really isn't...it's that you are somewhat of an evil genius.
2.Matt:It's all bureacratic crap.
T-Shirt Guy: Ludicrous!
Matt: And it's bureacratic crap?
T-Shirt Guy: And ludicrous.
Matt:Well we can keep this song going for an hour.
3.Matt: I got plenty of people lined up as guests on Schneider Factor for weeks on end. Do you know how difficult it is to get yourself booked on the Factor - Very difficult! This man [T-Shirt Guy] has been waiting for weeks.
Caller: I doubt that because he was just in the newspaper this week!
Matt: True...Fair...well he was waiting for weeks but being on the cover of the newspaper bumped him ahead of schedule!
4.Caller: Who cares about T-Shirts, did you not see the Rainbow Pride Union protest today?
Matt: I'm glad you brought that up because if you think I'm neglecting that you're absolutely right. I'm saving that footage for next week and be sure to watch that because we had a gay old time with the protesters...Happy...I mean happy!
5.Matt: Of course we need to drill in Alaska - Go Bush! We need to limit our dependence on foreign oil. You know, the polar bears, if they are unhappy they should have set-up a government and they could be ruling us, but the polar bears didn't.
Rough Ryder:There are thousands of species living in the Alaskan preserve.
Matt: I don't hear them complaining!
RR: The whole idea of a preserve is to keep some wildlife alone and without interference.
Matt:When it comes down to humans and animals, humans have to be number one!
RR:Now you're just anti-animal.
Matt:No, I love animals. I have two dogs and three cats.
RR: Are you lying?
Matt:I am.
6.Matt: Why do you need more money if your hardly doing anything to begin with?
Vice Prez of Programming: Wow.
7. Matt: I follow politics...like a bible...follows cheese.
8. VP: We're asking for a bigger piece of the pie from the student activity fee.
Matt: You're that hungry?
9. VP: Don't get me wrong...Jim Breur was great, but Incubus for example is someone we can't afford.
Matt: Alright, I hear ya...because I'm not deaf.
10. VP: We're putting bids in for Dave Matthews Band along with hundreds of other schools, which is why I didn't want to mention it and get people's hopes up!
Matt: My hopes are up Coral. If they don't come I'm going to jump out an eigth story window.
VP: I can't stop you from doing that.
Matt: You can't. Don't try, I'll take you with me!

Closing Song:The Seeker

Episode 10: Let's Talk About Sex Baby 11/21/02

With the campus abuzz over a clearly anti-homosexual article, the coincidental fact that this week's episode was previously planned to deal with sex and relationships made for great television. Before this two hour show committed most of the time to the subject at hand, the show opened with the now infamous review of the Factor by a Pipe Dream reporter who cleverly criticized both Schneider and the show. Of course, there was an article right next to this which completely and utterly praised the show; however, the negative is what people remember at the end of the day. Therefore, Schneider took this opportunity to show the article in its entirety and then go on to invite the author of it to be a guest. Indeed she replied and jumped into Bing's own No Spin Zone, but that's next week's episode. Back to tonight, Matt welcomed a sexpert who was prepared to hand out relationship advice Dear Gabby style, as Sexpert Gabby was live in the studio. Trivial relationship advice was certainly not on the mind of the viewers as passionate people purely wanted to discuss the gay issue and if everyone truly does have a right to say whatever they feel like. Some argued hate speech did not equal free speech while one intense caller screamed at Schneider for saying that even the KKK has the right to speak freely. With Schneider's trademark badgering of people, some apparent first-time viewers thought he was just making fun of the RPU protesters in the clips and a flurry of phone calls proceeded to yell at him for it. Luckily a group of unschedueled guests flew to the scene as four noticeable members of the RPU came to Schneider's rescue. With Matt referring to them as the four Judy's (since he couldn't recall any of their real names), three ladies in the group went on to praise Matt's coverage of the topic and were able to help Schneider set the record straight. With the clock ticking past midnight the plug was pulled on the Schneider Factor, yet this episode certainly had its fair share of controversy leaving people talking all over campus.

Schneider on Your Sider:
The first time Schneider served as a reporter live at the scene of an event was the very controversial Rainbow Pride Union protest of an anti-gay article printed in one of the opinion newspapers on campus. On his way to editing footage for that night's show, Schneider could hardly resist the opportunity to be in the center of controversy. He literally grabbed someone to work the camera and Matt went into action commenting, ridiculing, and supporting the protesters with their creative and bold posters. Representing the "media circus" Schneider got harsh comments from many protesters all while he played devil's advocate questioning if they were really protesting the first amendment of freedom of speech. As this segment came to a close, Schneider was engulfed in the Rainbow and joined in on their circular walk and chant to end the hate.

In the Pretty Warm Seat:
Talk about ill-conceived planning. This top-notch interview with Binghamton University championship Golf coach John Affleck opened with a light-hearted attempt at comedy, which was more controversial than intended. Hiding in a closet, Schneider jumped out to start the interview and surprise the coach. Some later joked that here Schneider came out of the closet, although the truth is he literally walked out of the closet and that's all. Luckily, the rest of the interview went uphill from there. The Coach was candid with everything from his pending retirement to his keys to leading a successful life. A little debate even snuck in when Schneider questioned why he feels professional wrestling and other escapist entertainment should not be allowed in our society. Yet when it was all said and done viewers were left with a sense that Coach Affleck was sincerely a great guy and that Schneider can be pretty good too every now and then.

Schneider on the Street:
Stop the presses Ladies and Gentlemen. This "Schneiderwalking" (an unofficial name for this segment which started catching on) was unique for various reasons. For starters tons of people walking around had followed suit and were carrying their own umbrellas to pay homage to Schneider and his Umbrella of Truth. Some critics may claim everyone had umbrellas because for the first Thursday it was actually raining; however, Matt chose to believe otherwise. In the midst of his usual questioning of the students on the street, a certain Spit on This host attempted to sabotage the live taping of this segment. Yet Schneider quickly dismissed his actions as being that of a severely drunk man since Matt claimed to smell the alcohol a mile away. Before wrapping up the segment Matt bumped into a group of men who had attended a speech by a former Black Panther leader and Matt suggested she be returned to the zoo with the other panthers. Finally, with the Famous Fountain a distant memory, Schneider closed the show by launching into a window of the Commons Cafe.

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Matt: A few complaints about the show last week. Some viewers think I avoid conflict by hanging up on callers I don't appreciate. That's not true.
Caller: You are...
Matt: Hang up on this caller though, I don't appreciate them. It's not true at all!
2.Matt: Why are homosexuals and why are regular people...
Sexpert: Regular people?
Matt: Heterosexuals! I meant heterosexuals. I didn't mean that any other way. Save the complaints for later!
3.Matt: We were mentioned in Pipe Dream and when I say mentioned I don't mean mentioned, I mean fully reviewed!
4.Caller: Do you need to take everything literally?
Matt: Who?
Caller: You!
Matt: Take things literally! I haven't taken something literally since I was born!
5.Matt: I was questioning her on that.
Caller: You never really question, you just exert your opinion.
Matt: Or maybe that...one of the two, it was over a week ago.
6.Caller: You went up there and mocked them because they are homosexual!
Matt: First of all I mock anyone regardless of sexuality, race, origin, or anything else.
Caller: I don't know what you're gonna do when you leave Binghamton University but I bet you'll be a fuckin' bum on the street.
Matt: I look forward to it. Throw me a quarter by the way when you see me.
7. Caller: If I read that sign I would understand what it was interpreting.
Matt: Well that's you and you're an educated viewer and that's why you're watching the show because only intelligent people watch the show so thank you very much.
Caller: Oh spare me. I intelligently criticize what you have to say because I can't stand it.
Matt: Hey do that too, it's much appreciated. I hear where you're coming from, but completely disagree with you...next!
8. Caller: Admit it. You are a hateful bigot. You walk around that damn campus like you know a fuckin' thing or two about jackshit and you fuckin' don't know shit.
Matt: Wow...give this man a sitcom!
9. Rainbow Pride Union Guest: It is shown that in a society where this kind of hate does exist, suicide rates amongst gay teenagers are much higher than suicide rates of straight teenagers.
Matt: But there are plenty of reasons for that. Parent's non-acceptance of homosexuality ... Will & Grace not being a strong enough support group in the media? No?
10. RPU: There's no such thing as bad publicity.
Matt: Don't I know it. That's my life story.

Closing Song:You Start the Fire

Episode 11: The Pen Is Pretty Mighty 12/5/02

This episode was advertised as a huge two hour 10th Episode Anniversary Episode. Too bad that it was actually the eleventh (counting the sneak preview) and that there was hardly any time for reflection or celebration. Schneider got right down to business knowing there was plenty schedueled for tonight's show (see segments below). Knowing full well that the anticipated clash of the titans between Binghamton's two most controversial men (Schneider and Binghamton Review Editor-in-Chief Matt) was the main attraction for the night, the encounter was saved for late in the episode. When the two squared off live on the Factor, their debate did not conclude before at least thirty minutes had elapsed. Every issue was covered from War with Iraq and restrictions on the media to political activism on campus. Business really picked up when it came to the touchy subject of abortion as neither pro-choice Schneider nor pro-life Editor flinched with their beliefs. To any cynics out there who claimed Schneider Factor had turned into a pure comedic circus without a hint of seriousness or purpose, this debate effectively shut them up and was so well received that Editor Matt is already booked for an appearance in the second season!

Enemy of the Week:
With "Highway to Hell" playing, Schneider launched this new segment claiming that any enemies of the show or the humble host are more than welcome to settle any differences of opinion live on the show. Indeed the first ever enemy of the week was a doozy. Campus Newspaper Critic extraordinaire Jeannette wrote a scathing review of the Factor in the previous week's Pipe Dream. Although there was a glowing review right next to it by the esteemed Nick, Schneider wanted the sharp tongued lady in the hot seat next to him. Her attempt to give Schneider a run for his money proved quite entertaining as she launched criticisms upon Matt, all while Schneider laid back and let the people who matter, the callers, stand up for him - and boy did they ever. The Pipe Dream critic wrote the strong support off by saying that of course the people calling in like the show, because the ones who don't like it never watch it! However, Schneider knew the truth. That Factor fans were quickly becoming an intensely loyal and intelligent group of people who would provide Schneider with the necessary motivation to pour his effort into the show each and every week.

Schneider on Your Sider:
Consumer reporters and food critics move over! Schneider arrived on the scene for the big debut of a new type of cookie being sold at the coffee kiosk in the library. Billed as an "All comfort, all the time cookie," Schneider planned on questioning if comfort all the time was a money-back guarantee. And if it was a guarantee then Schneider wanted his money back (too bad the cookies were free) since he was not comfortable waiting in line for a good five minutes. When he did reach the front of the line he interviewed the brain behind the cookie, a woman by the name of Neshla. In true Schneider style, he continually called out her name as "Nestle" and also sprinkled her with questions concerning her cookie-making secrets. Hearing Schneider was at the scene, the Sodexho Dining Services marketing manager rushed to the scene to be interviewed live for the show. Not only did he make ground-breaking announcements, including plans for new dining areas closer to academic buildings, but he also took the Schneider verbal abuse in stride, like a true pro!

Schneider on the Street:
In this version of the segment that weekly packs more laughs than the Tonight Show knock-off "Jaywalking," Matt is out and about getting the comman man's honest opinions about the new cookies being sold in the library. No punches are pulled as Schneider and his interviewees tell Mrs. Fields she has nothing to sweat over. From there Matt can't resist heckling two students who are singing with a guitar. Little does he know that the friendly singers, singing in celebration of Jesus, would request Matt's participation in singing with them. To the shock of anyone passing on their way to class, Matt was belting out Jesus tunes with the religous supporters and many stopped wonderring why someone was so loud and proud of their horrible singing voice.

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Matt: I think we're all in agreement...Saddam Hussein is a bad person. Even Sadam himself looks in the mirror and says 'me no good!'
2.Matt: Saddam just wants respect. He's misunderstood...maybe some therapy could solve everything.
3.Matt: If a parent knows they are not fit to raise a child, you'd rather them be like 'pile on the children Mary...let's have them at the dinner table and beat the crap out of them. Would you rather people be brought into this world under those horrible conditions!
Binghamton Review Editor&Chief: Yes, I would.
Matt: And increase the population. And send more people in to crime and poverty.
BR: Yes!
Matt: Boy wow...this is exciting! Sign me up for this world!
4.BR: Put yourself in the shoes of an ordinary Iraqi?
Matt: No thanks, I like my shoes.
BR: Put yourself in their sandals then!
5.Caller: People love you and they like to call in.
Matt: Like I always say, it's like a Jerry Lewis telephone here with phones lighting up.
6.Pipe Dream Critic: I'd be worried, but I know only two people are watching!
Matt: Two! Try two million!
7. PD: You can't deny the fact that you have a constant, almost disturbing presence on BTV.
Matt: Constant presence? I like to think of it as a gift towards Binghamton! Happy hanukah!
8. PD: I believe the exact quote was you are like a preschooler with ADD. It's just a comparison. You have your wild let-loose moments where you don't have the most integrity that I would associate with a show like this.
Matt: Most integrity! This show is filled to the brim with integrity. When have I not been...integral to the show? That's not right ... alright maybe that's a perfect example of when.
9. Caller: I love your show. It's a good thing BTV spends a lot of time on you! Quality work. Are you happy about that Schneider?
Matt: I am. It brings a tear to my eye. Much appreciated.
PD: You'll get your check in the mail caller.
Matt: I don't pay anyone woman!
10. Caller: I love how you fuckin' make War on Iraq into some kind of cliche.
Matt: Cliche! We don't do cliches here. All original material. Creative, unexpected, unpredictable. Cut him off! Usually we let our callers but I feel like being unpredictable!
11. Caller: Schneider, I think you're an idol on campus and I'm waiting for the day when they devote a building to you on campus. And as for Jeanette (PD Critic), she's just envious of you.

Closing Song:Dreams

Episode 12: Three Hour Show To End All Shows!12/12/02

In this marathon final episode Matt brought in A-list guests (former BTV child star Seth of "Seth and Jeremy" and a Washington D.C. intern), called up old friends to make return appearances (RPU ladies and ardent supporters of the show: Judy #1 and Judy #2; and President of BTV Jeff, who just a few short weeks had pulled a fake gun on Schneider), and left the season at the top of his game with viewers salivating for more! Matt and the DC intern sparred over the accuracy of the TV show The West Wing and if Senator Trent Lott should step down as Senate Majority leader after his controversial comments. With no time to waste, (no one wanted to go on for longer than three hours) Matt told the intern to say hello to Monica Lewinsky when he returned and then welcomed a World Wrestling Entertainment employee in his next breath. It seemed as if Seth, the former BTV celebrity, was out to take Schneider out of his element by consistently wanting a hug. However, Matt would have none of that and returned to a tone and a sense of dignity that Schneider Factor fans had come to expect of Matt's interviews - where the guest is ridiculed by the humble host. The WWE employee, although incapable of writing good material to save professional wrestling, was indeed able to come up with on-the-fly responses and jabs at Schneider that left many in the studio in stiches (a record amount of people were watching live for this episode). With video footage dispersed throughout the episode, the double Judy's waited patiently for their 15 minutes in the Factor zone. Sitting on either side of Matt, saying they got up close and personal with the host would be an understatement. Yet after their memorable appearance here, no one would ever forget the name of (deep inhale) Judy and Judy! Wrapping up this episode, Schneider seemed to be dozing off as the show nearly approached the three hour mark, but here enters the distinguished BTV President in umcomforably shorts shorts that would have made even a corpse cringe. Speaking of the future of BTV, Matt took this opportunity to launch a brand new show for the spring season, a show which he finally said (after an unnecessarily long and drawn out build-up) was to be named SUNDAY NIGHT LIVE, in true tradition of improvisation and comedy! What a night and what a season! How, or rather, what could Schneider possibly do to top all this in the much anticipated second season!?! Your guess is truly as good as anyone but everyone is sure the sky is the limit!

Extra Video Clips:
In this episode Matt was prepared to give audiences everything left he had to give, including stockpiled footage. Up first was a Factor Follow-Up where Matt reunited with the deported Arab Math professor. Schneider was prepared to question him about how his life had changed since his appearance on the show yet the professor provided an abrupt "Everything is fine" and laughed while saying "No more cameras." So much for Matt's attempt at hard-hitting journalism, but never fear, that remains one of Schneider's greatest objectives for season 2! Moving right along, Matt hardly had any time to prepare an adequate measure of revenge against his lead-in show, Spit on This, who on this night lampooned Schneider, his umbrella of truth, the stool of freedom, and the purple shirt of truth! Making fun of Schneider is fine, but when you bring in his friends like the umbrella, the stool, and the purple shirt then you cross the line. Schneider had to take measures into his own hands and provided a brief video clip of how he took the host of Spit on This to school. In a very slow replay audiences were stunned as they saw Schneider deliver a right jab to the drunk host. One can only wonder if the final blows between the dueling shows have ended the bitter feud between them or if it is just the beginning of a much larger war. With the final video clip, Schneider let loose in celebration of a stellar first season by dancing in the rain and sauntering through the snow, all to the tune of Stayin' Alive.

Schneider on Your Sider:
On this night Schneider was on the side of viewers in two different locations! Opening the show was the long-promised library investigation while later a special surprise location would be unveiled for Matt's final segment of the show. In the library, Matt urged viewers to forever seek information and never lose a thirst for knowledge, concluding that students should spend as much time in the library as possible. Matt picked a random book, Water Tables of North Dakota, and sat down to do some pleasure reading. Only seconds later Matt slammed the book shut, ran to the bookcase, and proclaimed reading was boring and instead urged viewers to make their own history rather than read about what others have done! Later on, after the show had already officially ended once, Schneider did indeed promise a surprise and he deliverred! Schneider on Your Sider took a trip to the community Matt had previously been banished from: Newing College Community! After a controversial and unfair election left Matt without the presidency of Newing, nor residence in that community, Matt was banished and had not returned since his show took off. To the theme of Mission Impossible, Matt slowly made his way into the dining hall where he was utterly floored with what awaited him! As "It's the Most Wonderful Time Of The Year" played in the background, the camera panned around Matt's stunned reaction and then to what he was looking at: the ultimate sign of appreciation and respect! At the center of every dining hall table there was an umbrella standing tall in honor of Matt's umbrella of truth. To end the show (for a second and final time) Matt had to top everything he had done up until now. And fans were certainly not disappointed. Schneider's final words came at the top of the Newing cliff, where Matt admitted how much fun he had and how much appreciation he had of the fans. Then he closed the umbrella, set it aside, and did the unthinkable ... jump off the Newing cliff! What a bang to end a blockbuster first season!

Schneider on the Street:
In the absolute last Schneider on the Street of the season, Matt was bundled up due to the frigid temperatures and the continuous snowfall. Schneider was kept warm by the positively glowing reviews he received by the common men and women on the street. Lines of people literally formed, as students waited to get a word in on the last episode. Some students vowed to miss their finals if a new episode of the Factor would air, others wished they could watch Schneider on their televisions at home over the break, while still others, who admired the spectacle of the Factor from afar, were amazed that the camera crew consisted of only one cameraman. As Schneider was deliverring his final words to his captivated audience, a snowplow was sneaking up behind him. Rather than flinch and move out of the way, Schneider planted his feet firmly in the ground and screamed "Impending Doom!" Unable to stop the messenger of truth, the driver of the snowplow had no choice but to swerve completely around Schneider, to the theme of Jaws in the background. What a way to cap the season! Everyone in the world knows that you cannot call yourself truly successful until a snowplow swerves around you, and eleven episodes after the debut of The Schneider Factor, Matt had achieved just that, cementing his success!

MEMORABLE LINES:
1.Matt: You know why there's horrible voter turnout? Because at the end of the day there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans.
D.C. Intern: There is a HUGE difference!
Matt: Uh-oh...I lit a fire under his ass.
2.DC: Maybe I'll hop on an '04 campaign. What about you, you'll come down and join me?
Matt: Hey, you never know...new york lotto.
3.Matt: I'm glad you mentioned the purple shirt because today is double truth day. Two purple shirts for the price of one, because I knew we'd be on for two hours, so a purple shirt for each hour!
WWE Employee: What did Iggy Pop have a yard sale?
Matt: He did. I was there...me and Iggy go way back...to the wall.
4.WWE: Why won't you hug me? Are you a homophobe?
Matt: This a very individual thing here. It's not that you're a man. I won't hug you because you're a little psycho...Jeremy, Seth, Suzy...whatever the name is you're going by today. Wait...get back on track here...I feel like I'm at a horserace!
5.Matt: You use to be on BTV and now you've actually achieved some success in life, despite what people may have thought. Tell me what you think.
6.Matt: Let's talk about what you did right out of Binghamton. Maybe I belittled it, but it's quite impressive.
WWE: (Silence)
Matt: You know I've had Stevie Wonder on and he's been a better guest. And that's not what I meant to say. I meant to say Helen Keller...do you talk!
7. WWE: I'm leaving for Hollywood to do film and TV work.
Matt: Be more specific.
WWE: About what?
Matt: How do you just go 'I'm picking up and moving to Hollywood to work on film and TV...look at me. Look at me!' Is that what one does?
WWE: San Francisco is probably more your area.
Matt: (Drumroll sound). Thank you ladies and gentlemen, he'll be at Caroline's all week.
8. Matt: Let's ship you out in the kindest terms possible. Fedex stamp...go! They don't move like they use to.
WWE: If you don't want to watch the rest of this shit, come out to Cheers tonight.
Matt: He doesn't mean that. He's a master of reverse psychology. He really wants you to stay home and watch the rest of the show!
9. Caller(addressing WWE Employee): You had a great show once. How do you feel knowing this guy is the one who replaced you?
Matt: I'm sure he feels great about it. He's very excited. What a legacy I've continued here. I've worked from the crap that he did and built a Schneider Factor empire here on BTV...one that I'm sure he admires.
10. Caller: That last guest was kinda crap.
Matt: Uh-oh the gloves are coming off and when the gloves come off there are dirty hands!
11. Matt: Caller...call back right after the footage.
Caller: What?
Matt: Call back! You made callbacks! Good work.

Closing Song:Time to Say Good-Bye & Closing Time