A Very, Very Short List of Titles of Joe Carl's More Well-Known Lectures

The "I don't plan on giving you guys a lecture" Lecture

The "It's not like I say 'I think I'll give them Lecture #246 today'" Lecture

Lecture #246

The "I don't want to give you a lecture right before the performance" Lecture (this one is usually given right before a performance)

The "Why can't you guys just cut off when I cut you off?" Lecture The "I only stopped for a small thing that would only take a couple seconds so we could stop, I'll tell you what to do and start again, but now look how long it�s taking" Lecture

The "I don't want to say, "I'm sorry we suck but we haven't really had time to work on this'" Lecture

The "I'm sorry we suck but we haven't really had time to work on this" Lecture

The Marching FUNdamentals Lecture

The "Why did you suck so bad last night?" Lecture

The Proverbial Rock of Gibraltar Lecture

The "This is a 'schmooze' performance" Lecture The "Turn up your own personal volume switch" Lecture

The "I could wait and give you a lecture at 12:20" Lecture

The 12:20 Lecture

The "I don't want to give you guys a lecture" Lecture

The "Lead be example" Lecture

The "You guys are always complaining about it being too loud but you won't solve it by being quiet" Lecture

The "What's his face?" Lecture

The "To be early is to be on time; to be on time is to be late; to be late is inexcusable" Lecture

The "No food or drink or gum in the Band Room" Lecture

The "We can do this outside at attention" Lecture

The "OK, I'll see you outside at attention where I'll finish the announcements" Lecture

The "You still aren't giving me your attention even when I've been looking at you for the past 45 seconds; I want eye contact" Lecture

The "Do you really want me to lecture you, because we'll just sit right here and see how long I can lecture you, 'cause, believe me, I can lecture you for a very, very long time" Lecture

The "Am I going to have to lecture you about the closed campus situation because if I don't do anything about you going off campus, I'll get in trouble too and I really don't want that, so don't test me" Lecture

The Closed Campus Lecture The "Don't play in the courtyard because there are classrooms right there and [the principal's] office is right there and she'll come out and yell at me and I don't want that and then I would have to yell at you and you wouldn't like that very much" Lecture

The "If I allow one person to talk, it would only be fair to let everyone talk" Lecture

The "You guys are gonna pay for this; next week, you're gonna stand at attention for soooo long" Lecture (FYI: This promise has not yet been fulfilled.)

The "I don't want to give you guys a lecture in front of all these people; this is embarrassing" Lecture

The Binnie/Hollingsworth/Kosko Lecture (aka The Attendance and Being On Time Lecture)

The "Band Ten-hut, Band Parade-rest, Band Ten-hut, Band Parade-rest, Band Ten-hut, Band Parade-rest, Band Ten-hut, Band Parade-rest, Band..." Lecture

The "We shouldn't be having to do this # days before the performance" Lecture

The "...and at Clark College [or any jazz festival, for that matter), while they are announcing the finalists and we're watching other bands go up, maybe you'll realize, 'Oh, maybe we should have worked harder;' I don't want that to happen" Lecture

The Know Your Part Lecture

The "Why don't you go home and practice?" Lecture

The "........................................................." Lecture

The Stare Down Lecture

The "So-n-so, I need to see you in my office" Lecture