�A Typical
Day In The Life Of Hades�
The Daily
Schedule of the Lord of the Underworld
(A.K.A. A Clever
Excuse At A �Unique� Screen-Grab
Right!� So, what exactly are
the typical, daily duties for everyone�s favorite dead-head?� After extensive research and some of my own
personal connections (meaning, of course, that I made everything completely and
bogusly up), I have managed to discover what the average day is like for the
God of the Dead.
Please enjoy. Just don�t let Hades find out what you know. Or, if
he DOES find out . . . please don�t mention that I was snooping in his diary.
Please?� I don�t think it would go over
well, even after I explain that it was . . . merely for research purposes.
Right, Babe?� Okay.
� ������������
An
unexpected wake-up does not put Hades in a good mood for the day, but
unfortunately alarm clocks have not yet been invented, so this is going to have
to do.
7:03 A.M.
� Roast demon-minions for waking up the Lord of the Underworld with absolutely
no tact.
This
always puts Hades in a much better mood.
�
7:10 A.M.
� Get up and get ready for the day.
Heh-heh
. . . this picture is not without its merits, one must admit . . .
7:30 A.M.
� Breakfast.�
Even
the Lord of the Underworld needs coffee to start the day off right. Or nectar,
as the case may be.
�
7:45 A.M.
� Take dog for walk.
Yes,
this is Pain and Panic�s job; but hey, if you make the kids do it, it never
gets done, you see what I�m saying?� And
really, when your puppy is THIS size . . . if he�s gotta
go, he�s gotta go NOW.
8:00 A.M. �
Begin working day by taking quick glance at new arrivals.
Hades
always believed in �hands-on� management . . .
8:25 A.M.
� Meet with Pain and Panic for daily report of management.
Always
a good idea, especially if your management is as, uh---organized as Pain and
Panic tend to be.
8:30 A.M.
� Fry minions for not making Underworld the best Underworld it can be.
Every
job has its perks.
8:37 A.M.
� Nectar break.
Hey,
with minions like those two, Hades needs all the caffine
he can get, right?
8:45 A.M.
� Continue with reports and paperwork dealing with Underworld management.
�Hey!� I whine, I complain . . . but I run ONE tight
Tartarus.�
If
you want to argue with that, take it up with Hades.
10:00 A.M.
� Enough old business; turn attention to scheming.
The
Underworld is a full-time job; but so is trying to take over the cosmos. Hades
seems to understand the importance of balance.
10:15 A.M.
� Come up with elaborate scheme to take control of Mt. Olympus.
Alternate: Come up
with elaborate scheme to destroy Hercules.
I
swear, for all the problems this guy has with trying to overthrow people, a
lack of ideas on how to go about it is NOT the problem.
10: 45
A.M. � Nectar break.
Didn�t
we just . . . have one of those?� Oh,
never mind.
11:15 A.M.
� Call in minions for report on evil scheme.
Never
send a man to do a minion�s job. Uh, I think that�s right . . .
11:30 A.M.
� Gloat over promised success of evil scheme.
Hades
must be something of a morning person, ya gotta admit.
Noon �
Discover failure of plot thanks to demon-minions. Take appropriate action.
Actually,
this one should be, �Discover OUTCOME of plot FROM demon-minions� . . . but we all
know how these turn out, right?
12:30 P.M.
� Lunch.
Um
. . . ew. But hey, when in Greece, do as the Grecians
do; or rather, when in the Underworld.
1:00 P.M.
� Arrive at Mt. Olympus for staff meeting.
Poor
Hades, he hates these things. Doesn�t really appreciate the company, I think.
Yes, folks, this kissy-face thing goin�
on here is NOT sincere.
1:15 P.M.
� Begin staff meeting.
Oy.
I keep forgetting that even though I may be graduating in a few years here, being
stuck in a boring lecture is not something that will ever REALLY go away.
2:00 P.M.
� Become bored out of mind by dragging staff meeting and waste of time.
Yeah,
I mean, how long can Athena and Ares really go ON about who should get the
capital of Greece for good?� I mean,
really, time for a new subject, people!
2:45 P.M.
� Use time constructively and come up with new evil scheme.
I�ve
done that kind of thing in a boring class, let me tell ya.
3:45 P.M. �
Finally reach end of boring staff meeting. Decide to put newest scheme into
effect immediately.
What,
with or without minions this time?� When
will the guy learn?� Er,
no offense, Hades . . .
�
3:47 P.M.
� Pause for nectar break.
Anyone
else noticing a trend?� Hmmm . . .
4:00 P.M.
� Begin evil scheme, with less minion-involvement.
Never
a bad idea, if you ask me.
5:00 P.M.
� Actually accomplish evil scheme and overthrow Mt. Olympus. Rejoice in pure
glee.
Ya
gotta learn to be proud of your accomplishments.
5:15 P.M.
� Gloat over conquering Hercules as well.
Um
. . . always a bad idea. Poor, poor Hades.
5:45 P.M.
� Evil conquest overthrown by Hercules; time to head back home before Zeus and
son get any . . . ah, ideas.
POOR,
poor Hades.
�
6:00 P.M.
� Calmly accept defeat and realize that Hercules is only doing his duty as a
hero-in-training.
Ri-i-i-ight.
6:30 P.M.
� Dinner.
Hey,
ya gotta unwind after a
busy day, right?
7:00 � Take
evening constitutional and relax, trying to figure out why why
WHY evil schemes always fail.
Between
Hercules and the hired help, buddy, you don�t stand a chance. Sorry.
7:40 P.M.
� Nectar break.
Decaf
at this time of night, of course . . .
7:45 P.M.
� Unwind from day with quality minion-bonding time.
Er
. . . that�s what brings a family together, right?
9:00 P.M.
� Get the kids (that is, minions) to bed.
�Time
to tuck in, boys!�� Hmm . . .
�
9:05 P.M.
� Enjoy a little light reading.
The
�Seers� catalogue . . . get it?� Get
it?� Oy vey.
10:00 P.M.
� Bed.
Not
even a god can get away from noisy neighbors, I�m afraid . . .
�� ������������
And that, folks, is a typical day in the life of our favorite god
of the Dead. Now, I know it sounds fun, but really, doesn�t this guy work
hard?� Oy, I
don�t envy him.
Well. Maybe just a skoch. At least on
the days when I have an 8 A.M. class.
Hmm, wonder what Hades does on the weekends . . .
But that�s for next time, folks.
�� Yow-za.
What a dish, what a doll. What a day!
Back to The Main Page, Babe.