Wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley.

In honor of the newest Marvel-comic-turned-movie, Daredevil, I have decided to write up a review. However, in my attempts to erase any possible self-centricism while viewing the movie, I have decided to--as they say--walk a mile in the protagonist's shoes--to see through his eyes. In the case of Daredevil, that means I can't see it at all. If Fate dictates such, who am I to argue?

To summarize: I haven't seen the movie.

However, critics are raving--if by "critics" you mean "people I know," and by "raving" you mean "casually discussing;" and if by "are" you mean "could be, but I haven't really been paying attention." So people I know could be casually discussing Daredevil, but I haven't really been paying attention. Let's hear what they have to say!

"C" states: It's mediocre at best.
"M" asserts: Bite me.
"P" argues: It's great.
"J" insists: I'm drunk.
"K" believes: It's crap.
"C2" thinks: It doesn't live up to the hype.
"A" says: Leave me the [fudge] alone.
"I" considers: [I don't remember what "I" thinks on the matter.]

However, what should one make of these opinions? Let's take a look at the facts:

1) Daredevil is based on a comic book (minus one)
2) It is based on a comic book I have never read (minus one)
3) I don't really know who Ben Affleck is, but as he is a Hollywood actor and most likely supports Iraq I will assume he is a terrorist (minus one)
4) Every time someone watches Daredevil, baby Jesus cries (minus one)
5) Taking points away from movies is the only thing that brings me joy anymore (minus one)

Even his mama thought that his mind was gone. Fool.

Judging solely by the above facts, it is blasphemy even for anyone to consider seeing the movie. Also, furthering this hypothesis, if memory serves me right the Daredevil has horns, just like Lucifer himself; dressed in purple, the color of God and kings. This makes him the living, breathing, fictional epitome of a contradiction; he is the quintessence of evil, the Prince of Darkness.

Combine this with an all-star cast of people I've never heard of, save everyone's favorite gangsta-rap thugg Coolio (whose hair makes him resemble some sort of palm tree, or perhaps a pile of used hypodermic needles), tired-out generic action sequences, and mild sensuality, and you've got a surefire blockbuster hit.

So there you have it. The most comprehensive review of Daredevil to date. A wise man once said "with great power comes great responsibility." But that might have been a different movie. I can't be bothered to check.

Don't like it? Complain!

Or contact me:
E-Mail: [email protected]