MAN 1: Why does the first word always end up being "Hello?"

MAN 2: Hmm?

MAN 1: I was just thinking. Every time I start something, it's "hello." Never a "Hey you," never a "good day," just "hello."

MAN 2: Maybe you're just incompetent. Nothing to be ashamed of, there are just a proud few who aren't.

MAN 1: Are you?

MAN 2: Hmm?

MAN 1: Are you in the elite group of competent ones?

MAN 2: Of course I'm not. If I was I wouldn't have time to talk to you.

MAN 1: So if we're not competent, we're--

MAN 2: Useless?

MAN 1: I was just going to say "incompetent."

MAN 2: The two go hand-in-hand.

MAN 1: You're right. The second person to speak is always right, you ever notice that?

MAN 2: No he isn't.

MAN 1: Yeah, I guess you're right.

MAN 2: No, I'm wrong, I was lying. The second person to speak is always right, in every case in existence.

MAN 1: And yet you were wrong--

MAN 2: And that is where the irony comes in.

MAN 1: It's a paradox. You have to be right, but you are clearly wrong. What happens now?

MAN 2: Let's find out.

[Seconds pass; nothing happens]

MAN 1: Maybe nothing?

MAN 2: Maybe everything?

MAN 1: That doesn't even make sense.

MAN 2: Doesn't it?

MAN 1: No.

MAN 2: Since when are you in a position to assert your own opinion on the matter?

MAN 1: The way I figure it, if we are both incompetent, then we both have an equal right to speak our respective opinions on the issues at hand.

MAN 2: That's where you're wrong, though.

MAN 1: Under my philosophy we can both be right.

MAN 2: But there can't be two correct answers. That doesn't make any sense at all.

MAN 1: What about a cause-and-effect relationship in which two causes help in reaching the same ends?

MAN 2: That sounds almost Machiavelian.

MAN 1: So you're not going to give a valid response?

MAN 2: I thought my response was valid enough for my purposes. While we're on the topic, I'll offer a quote: "The ends justify the means." In this case, the means might not have been what you wanted, but they served me well.

MAN 1: What were your ends?

MAN 2: It shouldn't matter to you, under your philosophy you shouldn't care, and whatever my intended ends were should be equally important to yours.

MAN 1: But now you're using my argument to prove your point. Tell me, am I persuading you either way?

MAN 2: Not at all.

MAN 1: Then shouldn't you be using your own views to argue your point?

MAN 2: I knew you would say that. Because you see that my philosophy is just as valid as yours--which I don't agree with at all--

MAN 1: Maybe I think your philosophy is just fine. But maybe not.

[This conflict goes on for several hours. It remains pointless. In the end, a meteor hits the stage and the characters die.]



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