Schminke: "It would be fun to be a cat for a day. All they have to think is 'hmm, should i sleep, eat, or run around?' " Molly: "Of course, cats probably think 'wouldn't it be fun to be a fern for a day. they don't have to decide bewteen sleeping and licking themselves' "
- Molly and Schminke
"The nothingness was kind of boring, being as nothingly as nothing can be"
- Schminke
"When you're 56 I'll get you death for Christmas"
- Schminke
"Everything I've said up 'til now has been the truth, except for this"
- Schminke
Cabbie & Evan: (Sitting on Schminke's bed alone)
Schminke: (Talking)
Cabbie: (Glances to the door)
Me: (Looks at the door for a second . . . looks back at Cabbie . . . realizes his stupidity) "Oh sorry" (leaves room)
- Cabbie, Evan, and Schminke
Pat: "What would you do if a really heavy bag of money dropped on your foot?"
Schminke: "I'd scream then pick it up"
Pat: "Cool"
Pat: "And what if it was a million pennies"
Schminke: "I'd die"
Pat: "Cool"
- Schminke and Pat (the former peasants)
"I'm not ignorant, I don't even know what it means"
- Schminke
"I'll be actively waiting"
- Schminke
"That's pandastic"
- Panda (Schminke)
"It's like an anvil on my balls, but in a good way"
- Schminke
"I told her to tell you to tell me to tell her to tell you something"
- Schminke
Courtney: "Thou shalt not lie." Schminke: "Sure I shall." Courtney: "Thou better not"
- Courtney and Schminke
"I have the hand God would have if He played spades"
- Schminke, unfortunately he had just bid doublenil
"Mines really sensitive. You can like touch it with a feather and it will go off. But I guess what I said is true for all of them; I just havent played with one for a long time"
- Schminke (I was talking about my snap bracelet, I swear!)
"Is anything ever fully hydrogenated?"
- Schminke, while reading an ingredients label
"Do I seem like such a person who would just snap crackle and pop like some kind of snooty breakfast cereal?"
- Schminke
"We put the 'fun' back in 'funetic'"
- Schminke
"It's like cocaine, only it's not a powder, you don't snort it, it's not harmful, and it's not illegal"
- Schminke
"I will never eat another paintbrush"
- Schminke
"Are you insulting my forks?"
- Schminke
"You say that as if you are the official yes-saying moderator"
- Schminke
"The day that it's illegal to punch random people in the face is the day I stop being an American"
- Schminke
"When once did come a mighty man, he said 'What the hell do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?'"
- Schminke
Pat: "Bread makes you more hyper than soda" Andy: "That reminds me; where's my shoe?"
- My friend Pat and I (note: this actually happened, and made sense)
"There once was a man from Nantucket, but then he died"
- A poem by Schminke
"You never know how many grapes you can fit in your mouth until you buy a bag and figure it out yourself"
- A proverb by Schminke
"It is better to have loved and lost, than to lose $80,000 in one hand of poker"
- Another proverb by Schminke
"A man that has no human features is not a man at all, but rather some other creature, maybe even some strange new breed of tomato"
- A deep thought by Schminke
"Many people will never know true love. Others will never recognize it. Others still will have true love, but the one they have it with will leave them. Sadly, this makes up the general population"
- A proverb by Schminke
"If anyone you hate apologizes to you for no apparent reason, it is safe to assume that they are going through step 9 of Alchoholics Annonymous"
- A little piece of advice from Schminke
"If and when I decide to kill myself, I will still refuse to give your company all of my belongings in my will. I mean, I just met you."
- Just a look back at some of Schminke's old times
"If I had a nickel for every time I had passed out in the gutter, I'd have like 35�"
- Schminke
"Twenty years ago, when I broke my leg, I got to thinking. I thought 'Why the hell did I just jump off of a 100 foot cliff.' I never did figure out why"
- Just another deep thought from Schminke
"When all else fails, just get out of the action and hope everything works out"
- Another piece of advice from Schminke
"Are you so blind that you can't smell the smoke in the room?"
- A question as asked by Schminke
"To answer a question with a question is to be an annoying dick who nobody likes"
- Yet another piece of advice from Schminke
"Edible furniture only seems like a good idea at first thought"
- More helpful advice from Schminke
If you have a quote that you think is good enough for this site, mail to: [email protected] with a subject of "quotes"
Note: If you did not make up the quote, please tell me who did to give you and them credit
