“Hi Greeno. Let’s talk for a while.”

“No, that sounds really dumb. Let’s just go shoot people’s feet.”

“That would be mean. I really think that we should just have a nice strong conversation. We never do that anymore. What do you think?”

“You dummy, we have never had a conversation that lasted longer than five minutes. Even when we were on a plane for 23 years, we only said “hi” every now and then. And still. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Come on. We can go get Germany and Fred, and discuss the judicial system.”

“Do you ever know what that means?”

“Does it matter? If you agree to have a conversation, I’ll stop bugging you.”

“But you bug me by talking to me. It’s a physical impossibility, just like making gaseous yogurt so that it will weigh less.”

“Hey, you don’t know that wouldn’t work.”

“How would you eat it?”

“Once it gets into your mouth it would solidify, and then you can just swallow it.”

“But how would you get it in your mouth?”

“You just, um, wait a minute, we’re getting off topic, I was asking you if we could have a conversation.”

“No. I refuse. Every time we have a conversation, a dog dies.”

“Why’s that?”

“Coincidence.”

“Oh, well, I’m gonna call Germany over here. GERMANY!!!!!! GET OVER HERE!!!!!”

“Yeah Gus?”

“Me and Germany are having a conversation and he said we should get you.”

“I said nothing of the sort.”

“Sure you did. Right after you told me how smart I am.”

“Yeah, sure. Well anyway, I’m not going to talk to you.”

“Why did you call me over here?”

“Because we’re conversing.”

“No, we’re not.”

“Well, I’m gonna go, I think this is getting too confusing for me. I can’t even tell who’s talking.”

“Ok, bye Germany.”

“Shut up Gus.”

“Nope, nothing doing.”

“I don’t want to talk to you. Please stop harassing me.”

“Then why are you still here?”

“Because this is my bedroom, and I’m trying to nap.”

“Really? I thought this was the kitchen.”

“We’ve been living here for five months and you don’t even know your way around the house?”

“What? Five months!? There’s no way. Where are we anyway? Last I remember we were in the Atlantic Ocean. What ever happened to that?”

“Don’t you remember? We were floating there, and all of the sudden a big ship sailed by and saved us.”

“Wait, I remember now. And they gave us dolphin fins to eat.”

“No, idiot, that was a dream you had last night. Remember? You told me about it an hour ago.”

“No, I’ve got a pretty bad memory.”

“Oh yeah.”

“So, anyway, where did we end up?”

“You mean where are we now?”

“Yeah, where are we living?”

“I can’t believe those words are coming out of your mouth. We have lived here for 5 months, and you honestly don’t have any idea where we are? Thats insane.”

“You didn’t answer my question. Is that because you don’t know either?”

“Well, at least I have an idea where we are.”

“So tell me.”

“I’m almost positive that we are on Earth, and there’s a good chance that we’re not in Russia, because I dont speak Russian, and I can understand what these people look like. Also, I can tell that we are definately not under water. I can’t breathe water, but I’m positive I can breathe the air around us.”

“I’m going to take a guess and say you’re both idiots.”

“Who invited you to talk to us, Fred?”

“Well, you were both yelling so loud that I couldn;t help but overhear your stupid ramblings.”

“So, where are we?”

“We’re in Kentucky.”

“What town?”

“You know, the big one. Something like Trecton. I’m not really sure.”

“So you’re calling us idiots even though you’re just as clueless as us?”

“Hey, at least I know what state we’re in.”

“So do we, now that you’ve told us.”

“Just get back to your pointless conversation, I’m going to the store.”

“Bye Fred.”

“Wait a minute Gus, I thought I said I didn’t want to converse with you. You bastard, tricking me like that.”

“Well, it’s not like it killed you or anything.”

“But you never know what could have happened.”

“That doesn’t matter, nothing did happen.”

“Well, anyway, I’m not talking to you anymore.”

“Sure you are. You just did right there.”

“Well I’m stopping. I don’t feel like wasting away my time talking to you. I’d much rather get back to my nap. I need sleep.”

“No you don’t. If you needed sleep, I wouldn’t have woken you up to change the cat.”

“First of all, I do need sleep. Secondly, you didn’t wake me up. Third, we don’t have a cat. And finally, cats don’t wear clothes and therefore do not need to be changed. I don’t think I have ever seen you this dumb.”

“Sure you have. Remember that time I wanted people to have sex with brocolli?”

“Actually, I didn’t. I took extensive therapy to try to forget that, and, up until now, it worked. Thanks to you, I spent $30,000, and now it’s all gone down the toilet.”

“Why did you flush money down the toilet?”

“If I didn’t know any better, I would suspect that you were playing dumb in order to piss me off. Unfortunately, I can tell that you are really that dumb. No, I did not flush money down the toilet. What I’m saying is that it would have the same result. Instead, I spent money that, because of you, went to a complete waste.”

“Oh, ok. Apparently I don’t care enough to pay attention. Oh well, I’m sure it wasn’t all that important.”

“So, why are you still here?”

“YELLOW!”

“What?”

“I said that I want to talk.”

“That’s not what you said at all. I’m pretty sure you said ‘yellow.’”

“No, I’m quite sure that you’re mistaken. All I said was that I’m in here to talk to you, which I am doing.”

“Ok, then you’re mission is complete. You may go away successful.”

“Ok, goodbye. Enjoy your nap.”

“Sucker.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“I’m pretty sure you said something.”

“No, trust me. I didn’t. It must have been our cat.”

“Oh, ok. Wait a minute, you just told me we don’t have a cat.”

“Whoops.”

“Did you call me a sucker?”

“Um, well, you see, the thing is, um, yes. I did.”

“Ok.”

“Alright.”

“Wait a minute. That’s a bad thing.”

“Well, yeah. Why else would I say it?”

“Good point.”

“Well, you may continue going away now.”

“No. I won’t leave until we have a good solid conversation.”

“Look, Gus, I’m not going to talk to you.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“What if I give you a dollar?”

“Five.”

“Done.”

“Sucker.”

“What?”

“I said ‘thank you.’”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. It’s nice.”

“Oh, ok. So, I guess I win.”

“Yeah. Just give me my five dollars and it will be official.”

“Ok. Nice doing business with you.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Wanna do this again tomorrow?”

“No.”

“Ok.”

“Go away now.”

“Alright.”

“You’re still there.”

“So?”

“Oh well.”

“Ok.”