| (REAL) JOKES |
| Jokes that I find amusing...(notice how the I is emphasized by giving it a jaunty tilt) |
| A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?" A clown and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night and the little boy looks over to the clown and says "Boy, It's really dark out...I'm really scared..." And the clown says "You think YOU'RE scared? I have to walk home alone!" Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Fuck her! A woman is giving birth in the hospital but the baby is having trouble coming out. So the doctor grabs the baby's legs and pulls and pulls until it finally gives <SPLAT!> The baby is flung against the wall and slowly slides down "OH MY GOD! MY BABY!" the woman screams. The doctor says "Oh don't worry about it, it was dead anyway" Cows are outstanding in their field. A man walks into a bar and orders a drink and he notices that the bartender has an orange for a head. "Alright, I'll ask....Why do you have an orange for a head?" "Well," the bartender begins, "It all started a few years ago when I found this genie in a magic lamp. The genie granted me three wishes. My first wish was to own a franchise of successful bars, which as you can see turned out fine... My second wish was to have a beautiful wife who loves me more than anything..." The bartender pulls out a photograph and shows him the picture of his beautiful wife. "Alright, so what was your third wish?" the man was dying to know. "To have an orange for a head." A man walks into a bar with a pineapple strapped to the top of his head. "Okay, buddy, what's with the pineapple on top of your head?" asks the bartender. "Oh, I always wear a pineapple on my head on wednesdays" the man replies. "But today is thursday...." The man looks around for a second thinking... "...Oh shit....I must look like a fucking idiot..." Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? A: Nothing, you already told her twice. Three race horses are in their stalls all bragging about how good they are. The first horse says "You know, I've won half of the races I've been in..." The second horse says "Not bad, not bad...but I've been in 20 races and I won 15 of those..." The third horse says "Oh yeah? I've been in 25 races and I came in first in the last 23" Layin down in the stall is an old greyhound who had been listening in on their conversation and couldn't resist joining in. "Bah! I got you all beat! I've been in fifty races and I've never lost a single one of them!" The horses were stunned. "Wow.... a talking dog!" |